On normally nice people being the worst kinds of bitches

I can be a bit of a bitchy person. Sometimes I get angry about stuff that's not really worth getting upset about. I guess it's normal; after all, everyone has flaws. My temper isn't the worst in my family by far, but it can still flare up. Not so much in a confrontational way, but far more often in a passive aggressive kind of setting. Sometimes it's completely righteous though, and not just empty bitchery. The anger I felt towards Mafune tonight was totally in the 'righteous fury' category.

On work crankiness and heavenly food

All I can really say about this week is: get ready for the cranky updates about how much I have to work. I feel like I got totally cheated this week, and that's not exactly something that puts me in a happy place, mentally.

On a distinct lack of Christmas spirit and planning responsibilities

I don't know if it's been the absolutely cheerless weather that's been going on recently, but I've been feeling particularly Grinch-y this holiday season. The Christmas spirit just hasn't been there. Even meeting my family yesterday for more Christmas food and holiday cheer was on par with a regular family gathering - nothing all that special. I was feeling like I would much rather have stayed at home with some chips and a pizza rather than hang around my loud nieces and nephiews. They always give me rather nasty headaches with their squealy child voices. Does that make me a bad person? Being able to go home and have a lazy day before work with G feels so much more pleasant to me. Silence, I've missed you.

On long hiatuses and new resolve

Well that turned into a longer hiatus than expected, but I guess that's okay - it's the Christmas holidays after all. Can't be on top of my game all the time. I've had a good excuse to not be as well, with T hanging around. Getting over the initial Kiruna disappointment was fairly easy - we had a great time touring the southern parts of the country, spending time with both Pony's family and my own. This whole trip, and spending time with my friend has really renewed my resolve to finally get the Japan show on the road. I've given myself until June. Six months to get my shit together. Even someone as unreliable as myself should be able to figure that out.

On holiday times

Merry Christmas, silent readers! Just dropping in real quick to wish you all food-filled holidays with relatives that drive you crazy, because that's what Christmas is about. Much love, see you when the postprandial somnolence wears off.

On things turning out better than expected

It's almost midnight now, and I'm camped out on my couch listening to the sounds of T sleeping deeply in my room. It feels kinda surreal. A year and a half of existing through a screen, and suddenly he's here in the flesh, and it's not even awkward. I'm the queen of awkward otherwise. It's kinda my thing. Yet here we are, chattering away in Japanese in front of totally clueless roommates, and I'm really happy he came. The slight apprehension I had going on about this week to come is draining away, which feels good, all in all. Any week of work is enough to feel magical, I guess, but having a friend over and realizing that you're just as good friends off the internet as you are on it makes it feel even better.

On bad sleeping

I slept like absolute shit last night, and tonight O and I and some other people are heading out to see Margaret Cho, and I hope I don't get cranky or fall asleep or something. I'm taking a lazy blogger's day off, but I'll be back to posting all my irrational worries tomorrow for sure. Until then, here's a taste of what I'll be seeing tonight. It's going to be awesome.

On real people turned imaginary friends

I've been really nervous about T coming over on Friday. The fact that it's now, this very Friday has me all freaked out. It's not like it's the first time ever I'm seeing him, but it is the first time in two years, and last time we saw each other it wasn't like I'd booked my trip to Japan specifically to see him. Now I feel responsible for his general happiness when he's here, which means that I feel even more bummed out about the whole going north to Kiruna thing, as well as the fact that there's not a single patch of snow out there. The past three or four years have been overflowing with snow and cold weather at this point in December, so why the hell not this year?

I wanted T to see this. If he wanted to see rain, he could have stayed in Kawagoe.

Feeling personally responsible for the weather is probably a bit on the fucked-up side of things though. I should probably try to be a bit less of a control freak.

On Monday madness

Despite it being Monday and probably not as busy as I imagined it was, I felt totally overwhelmed at work. I suddenly remembered that I needed desperately to score Wednesday off so that I can go to the Margaret Cho gig with O and some other friends, and I was freaking out because of who to ask to fill my shift. For no apparent reason I'd made up my mind that the Swedish sisters that work most weekends probably hate me and wouldn't take my shift even if I asked them. I felt terrible for not having spoken to T in a few days, since he's probably equally nervous about coming here on Friday, and I was coming down hard on myself for not being able to meet T at the airport like I promised, since he lands at 7.30 p.m. and chances are I'll probably have to stay until 8 p.m. at work to help Mafune out (whom I was also sure hated me since she let me off an hour early on Friday and took a whole bunch of my shifts for when T's here. Yeah, reading that back it doesn't make any sense to me either). T coming over at all kinda freaks me out, as we haven't seen each other in a year and a half. Lots of people came in to eat at the same time, and I constantly felt a little behind in everything I did. Mafune was there with Karate Son, giving tips and feedback on a video project he'd made, making my brain snap and finally go over the deep end. "Oh my god, I'll never be as cool as Mafune, she's like his big sister and here I am as some loner weeaboo that they sometimes talk to out of pity and oh-my-god-I-feel-like-I'm-going-to-throw-up-why-the-hell-am-I-going-to-Japan-I'll-be-so-alone-help!"

Accurate representation of my brain at the time.

On happy times

Sleeping in until 2 p.m. after a night of walks, talks and a bit more beer drinking than I was initially anticipating was absolutely glorious. Even more so when the act of sleeping in was done with something warm and soft that said "No, no, no, where are you going?" sleepily when I tried sneaking up to go to the bathroom.

I know it hasn't been long at all, but I feel like I'm falling.

On modern day concentration camps and North Korea

Continuing on the theme of slightly depressing and cheerless things that's been going on for the past few days, I spent the morning reading about North Korea and watching Camp 14, the movie about Shin Donghyuk, the man who was born in a North Korean forced labour camp and is the only one to have known to have escaped and survived to tell the world about it.

On money grabbing and time management

I got tipped by two Korean guys today, and that was even after I'd mistakenly given them warm sake instead of cold (although to be fair, I did make it on the house) and had to apologize to them for being out of the beer they wanted. The more silent of the two pulled out a twenty, put it on the little saucer we use to present bills, and went "This is for you". Is there a dignified way to take money like that? Because I always feel like it looks like I'm scrambling a little too quickly and grabbing wildly at the money when it shows up. It's probably nothing anyone has ever noticed, but striking that balance that makes you look poised yet grateful, instead of poor and/or greedy is one of those things I probably spend way too much time thinking about.

On creepy kids and internal philosophical debates

I love ghost stories, especially in the fall and winter when it gets really dark and spooky out. Whenever the days start getting shorter, my interest in the macabre grows. Horror movies, documentaries on serial killers, ghost encounter stories... they're all great when you're huddled up in your duvet and the wind is howling outside of your window. Freaky shit in general makes me happy. I don't scare easily, so that feeling of apprehension that settles in your stomach when you've just read something that gives you chills is amazing. I spent a lot of time last night and tonight reading the reddit thread titled 'What is the most disturbing thing your kid has said when talking about their 'imaginary friend'?', and man, kids are scary motherfuckers.

On brain exercise and wishing for snow

"No tip, you say?"

Today a customer (and former student of Karate Husband's) at work asked me if I was Karate Husband's daughter. I don't really know what to do with that assumption. I have dark hair and dark eyes, and I speak Japanese, but apart from that I don't think I look even remotely Japanese. I don't think I'd even pass for half-Japanese on a good day. Also I don't know if I want to resemble Karate Husband, even if I kinda like him. Then again, I guess there are worse things that people can assume about me than me being the daughter of a well-respected karate legend.

On grades and time-wasting

Yesterday was one of those extremely shitty days where you do nothing at all. I was bored as absolute fuck, lying in bed all day thinking "I might as well be at work. At least then I'd have something to do". When I start daydreaming about work when I have time off, that means that I'm pretty seriously bored. There's only so many episodes of Breaking Bad you can watch in a row without life beginning to feel utterly pointless. I mean, it's a great show and all, but christ, there should be more to life than that.

On Christmas woes and knitting nirvana

Christmas presents are hard. The whole consumer hysterics is pretty tiring, and I for one have way too much stuff. I try to get rid of stuff and keep my possessions to a minimum (except for books, because books are the best thing on the planet), so I don't want to give people a bunch of shit they don't need. Thus, gift-giving seasons are hard. I want to give practical things without being boring, things that people won't go "Heyyy... thanks." and then hide away at the back of some cupboard and never speak of again.

On giving emotions some breathing space

Man, taking responsibility for your emotions is pretty hard, but ultimately very rewarding. Lately I've been sorting through my messy personal life, instead of just hiding when things become shitty or awkward, and it's really proved to beneficial. I've even had the guts to do some stuff I probably wouldn't have had the guts to do before. Today, for instance, I found out that Norimaki-san was being moved to the other restaurant starting next week, so I wouldn't get to see her anymore. This came after a really funny and engaging conversation in the locker room, and I just felt devastated to lose her even though I'd only just gotten to know her, so (with a slightly quivering voice) I asked her before she left if she'd like to go out and have a beer with me sometime, since we wouldn't be able to see each other for a while, as I'm off work tomorrow. She responded with great enthusiasm and thanked me for asking her, scurrying off to procure a pen and wrote her phone number on a piece of paper for me, telling me to text her and she'd let me know when she'd gotten her schedule. I felt so proud of myself for taking that (probably not scary for most people, but kinda scary for me!) step to making a new Japanese friend, as well as a coworker friend. An older female coworker friend, who I'm not directly related to. I've never had one of those. I'm pretty psyched about it.

On bonds and brothers

I miss Sand. Yesterday we were both sick of everything going on in our different messy lives, and started daydreaming about being in the same place, calling in sick, buying a shit-load of candy and chips and staying in, watching series and movies all night. It sounded absolutely glorious, but obviously there was no way that could happen, not to mention that the only flight from Porto to Stockholm that day was 19 500 SEK. Eek! We'll have to wait until Sand comes back for Christmas, but at least then we'll be able to be truly lazy together.

On issues of the heart

"I'm constantly in awe of your utter lack of any self preservation instinct," Pony laughed at me as I was half-heartedly tried to defend my recent string of probably less than stellar decisions I've made about various things om the past few weeks. She's right though, I am bad at making decisions that will be good for me, especially when looking at the long-term effects. I always argue that as long as I'm happy and having fun, it can't be that bad, but I don't know. Maybe I'd be happier if I were less reckless with my heart, not to mention the heart of others.

On therapy and computer issues

Friday could possibly have been the best night out in... I don't know, ever I guess? Pony and I had so much fun, both sporting a hangover yesterday to prove it. Seriously, I was dizzy, light sensitive and exhausted, and yet really happy. I guess it's really true how when you do good things, life rewards you with some sweet deals, like new friends and having VIXX on your brain all day.

I think some people would find it weird to hear me go around singing "I need therapy, lalalalala therapy", but hell, at least it's catchy.

On relaxation and dancing like a crazy person

It's Friday, and time for Kpop Nonstop! Pony and I have a whole evening of kpop goodness planned. It suits me fine after an excellent day at Yasuragi spa yesterday, which was eight hours of onsen style baths, tea and fruit, yoga, some more onsen baths and swimming a few hundred meters in their swimming pool. Reading a book in warm water outside with the cold November wind in your hair while enjoying a day of almost complete silence was amazing. I even got to eat okonomiyaki for lunch, which I haven't done since I was in Kyoto, and it tasted almost the same and I felt really nostalgic. When I came back to town, I was relaxed in both body and mind, and it's kept on going like that for most of the day as well. I feel a little tired and my shoulders ache a bit from the yoga, but all in all I feel so much better for having gone. I'm filled with what the Puppy called a 'yogi calm. "You look so good! I like seeing this version of you. You're so giggly. It's adorable."

I wish all Thursdays were spa Thursdays.

On hungry games and gender bending

Going on what could only be construed as a date with your now-exboyfriend kinda feels a little odd. Hemingway's leaving for Hong Kong soon, and while we broke up I still like him as a person and quite like hanging out with him, so I want to be able to do it and at least feel kinda normal. Nine months of history don't just go out the window in a heartbeat. Anywho, we went to see the second installment of the Hunger Games triology (which the movie usher hilariously called the Hungry Games, which made me giggle), and it was pretty good. Not as good as the first movie, but then again the second book wasn't as good as the first one either, so I guess it was to be expected. Also I've gotta say that I wanted pretty much every single item of clothing Effie Trinket wears in that movie. Couture all the way, honey.

I like movies that at least try to deal with mental problems. The way both Katniss and Peeta are haunted by nightmares and panic attacks as a result of post traumatic stress disorder from the games was extremely sad and quite uplifting at the same time. None of this Hollywood strong-characters-don't-flip-out bullshit. Lifting up anxiety disorders like that, by showing that the heroes are affected in very real and serious ways by what they do, is something I really like seeing because it adds depth and believability to the movie as a whole.

On days of laziness to come

I'm ready to assume this position and keep it that way for the next few days.

Finally day nine of the nine day workathon came to an end, and I'm now comfortably at home cradling a massive wad of cash that were my tips for today, ready for sleep and five days of laziness. Today was busy. Shan joked that it was because everyone knew that I was going to have five days off now, and since they'd all miss me so much, they all showed up today instead. Cute, but ultimately untrue - most of the people who came tonight weren't regulars. Still, despite there being a lot of people, it wasn't hysterically stressful. I think I'm getting pretty good at handling things.

On things going to shit and other freakouts

My cold's still going strong, and while I've regained my voice, I've gotten my typical end-of-cold-cough-period, which leaves me coughing until I want to throw up in the mornings. G took pity on me and knocked on my door to offer me some tea to calm it down, which was really sweet. What turned less sweet about the day was trying to book a ticket to Kiruna for when T comes to visit this Christmas. They were running out, and was trying to get him to hurry up, and he kept taking his sweet time. Suddenly all the tickets were gone, and we were stuck in deep shit. I wanted to kick myself (and T as well) for not doing this earlier. Now we're kinda fucked over, and this has turned into a make-it-work-moment if there ever was one.

On nerves and power structures

OK, forget everything nice I ever wrote or said about Windows 8. It's a complete fuck-up. Akito, I love you, but you were born with a serious case of The Derp. I've yet to figure out how to access Skype, and their weird aps settings are just upsetting, if you'll pardon the pun. It's completely impossible to understand intuitively. I'm sure I'll get around to it sooner or later, but as of right now it's just another source of rage quit for me. Fuck you for forcing me to merge my Skype account with you, Microsoft. You may have won this battle but you'll never take me alive!

I love my computer with a passion, and I would never harm it like that, but fuck me, Windows 8 is annoying.

On breakups

You guys have probably some idea that something's up, given the cryptic messages and hints as I write this blog not only for you silent readers, but also for my own sake, but now I'm telling you what's up: Hemingway and I have broken up, and he'll be moving back to Hong Kong sometime early December. I can't say it was a mutual decision, nor an easy one, and it was a long and arduous process that stretched out over days of talking and trying to make sense of things, but it was something I'd been contemplating for a rather long while now and felt like I needed to do. It's much harder to go, even when you feel it's necessary, when you still love the person and they're in no way a jerk to you, but in the end I just felt like we just wanted much too different things, and were probably more different as people than we'd taken into account from the beginning. Even if the distance Tokyo-Hong Kong is shorter than Stockholm-Hong Kong, I couldn't really stand the idea of a distance relationship either. Still, it sucks though, and I don't like hurting people.

On having a new computer baby

This picture makes me want to dye my hair red once it grows a little longer.

So a few days of radio silence turned into approximately 36 hours or so of radio silence. G helped me find a new computer, and I thought I would have to wait until Monday to have it delivered, but here it is, in all its glory, in my kitchen. His name is Akito, because clearly a Fujitsu computer needs a Japanese name, and while he has the birth defect that is Windows 8, I'm already a little bit in love with this new, strong and silent character in my life. I mean, Konrad was great, but Akito here can just offer me so much more.

It's kinda special, doing everything for the first time on a new computer. First blog post. First surfing the news sites. First facebook visit. First k-pop video (which turned out to be VIXX's new song Voodoo Doll - I can't believe I didn't like these guys a month ago). I almost don't want to touch it too much, lest it lose its shiny new-ness.

On a few days of radio silence

In the wake of my darling computer Konrad passing away, I'm taking a short hiatus from blogging until I can find a replacement for him. Please bear with me, and I'll be back shortly!

Love,

NotAWeeaboo

On plants and plant metaphors

Is it weird to have a very emotional bond to a plant?

On tea and slumps

 

Total exhaustion led me to sleep until 1 p.m. today and wake up with a sore throat and a bit of a cold. This is day one of nine consecutive days of work, since the other two Swedish girls' grandma is sick and they can't work this weekend. I figured it was easier to just charge right through and then get my time off at the end of next week for a three day weekend, but maybe I'm one step behind my body and it really would've needed the rest now. Anyways, it's not a terrible cold, and as long as I have my voice and not a fever, I can do my job just fine. It's Monday anyways. Mondays are pushovers.

On things that hurt

“It won’t be easy, when the tears that
the leaving heart had to shed
and the ones shed by the heart staying behind were so uneven.
Nothing’s gonna be alright, but
There were the moments; 
where every minute and second was precious,
where I missed even when I was there with you.
Only remember those.”

On good weekends and tough decisions

It's been a pretty neat weekend, all things considered. Friday night I met my adopted little brother after work for beer. He came by the restaurant, and as there was only another half-hour until closing time, Mafune let me leave early so that we could sit and talk shit before meeting a biologist friend of mine, having a greasy burger and then going home. Is this how working adults spend their Fridays? Two beers tops and then they're all done? I remember being 19-20-ish, where everyone would start drinking at like 8 p.m., go on until 3 a.m. and then hit an after-party. I have no idea where all that energy came from. I'd probably die if I tried pulling that shit now. Give me a nice night in with comedy shows and tea. I can handle that.

On unreasonable demands and finishing up the TEFL

Because self-restraint is overrated.

I can get so ridiculously provoked by some things my sister K does, but mostly I can't stand her all-or-nothing kind of attitude that she shares with her husband, or rather, I would be able to stand it if they would stick to anything longer than after the initial thrill wears off. They decided one day that they didn't like IKEA anymore. Instead of doing the reasonable thing of going "Hey, IKEA is probably good for some stuff, but let's not buy any more IKEA furniture", they went full-on purge-it-with-fire mode. "We're never shopping from IKEA ever again!" which of course only lasted a few months, and then they got mad when I called them on it. Same thing with every time they try to go on a diet. Instead of changing their lifestyle gradually, they go crazy with fad diets or unreasonable demands. "We're never having candy again!" And then a month later, there they are having broken their promise to themselves because they set themselves up for failure by just not being realistic. It's incredibly frustrating. K's new idea is that their family should no longer buy bread, but instead rely on K baking fresh bread whenever it's needed. "We're never buying bread from the store again!" Is this sounding familiar to anyone but me? I'm just waiting to see how long it'll take before that crashes and burns due to K's absolute inability to handle stressful situations. One day, in what I predict to be a not too far off future, they'll be out of bread, she'll throw a tantrum, and they'll never bake bread again.

On fridge hang-ups and tip dilemmas

I try to tell myself that it doesn't bother me that much when our new roomie puts his food on my shelf in the fridge. I don't keep all that much there myself since I don't really eat at home all that often because of work, so it's not like there's no space for him to borrow, but just in terms of my general OCD, it's extremely annoying. I don't like being petty, and going "Hey dude, you can't have your stuff on my obviously very empty shelf" does seem to be one of those enormously petty things, but it irks me. I like our new roomie, but between this fridge dilemma and frying bacon almost every morning... man, I don't know. I can't wait until I have my own place in Japan with my own fridge that I can be anal about.

Cue the unrealistic expectations.

On exhaustion and k-pop related disappointment

Today Pony dropped the bomb on me - possibly no more K-pop Nonstop parties after their season finale on November 29th, that Pony won't even be able to attend, and man, the depression that followed! There are other k-pop venues in Stockholm, sometimes, but the K-pop Nonstop parties were the ones Pony and I really liked going to. We're going to have to find new outlets for k-pop, and finding parties that only play it might be hard. There's always Fried Rice and Kpop+, but Fried Rice doesn't do just k-pop, and Kpop+ is mostly based in Gothenburg and don't really do that many parties in Stockholm. Sigh. Wednesdays really do suck. Luckily Pony redeemed the situation a bit by sending me an upbeat k-pop playlist on youtube, but I'm left wondering what to do now with my pent-up need to dance to awesome music.

On new encounters, good music and becoming one with the Snorlax

Last night, while studying late, I felt really cold. I crawled into my Snorlax suit and kept going for another hour or two, before falling asleep. I now never ever want to take it off, as it was the most comfortable thing I've ever slept in (or walked around in, or lounged around in, or done anything in). It's like this suit is channeling the spirit of Snorlax, and if I keep wearing it as constantly as I've been since finishing it Saturday, sooner or later we'll fuse together and I'll become Snorlax for real.

On nervous new people and Adventure Time

Why is this not my hair? Stupid work dress codes.

Pony came over today with all her hair chopped off and a really cool purple colour. It looked pretty sweet, and I was instantly jealous that I couldn't dye my hair funky colours as well. I'm so sick of my hair, but since I'm letting it grow out I don't want to touch it. I kinda wanted to go by Pony's apartment, take her hair and glue it to my head though. I miss fun hair. Being an adult with adult hair is far less fun than people make it out to be.

On pokemon partying and awesome suits.

I'd like to think it looked something like this, but exchange the mushrooms for near-obscene amounts of candy and alcohol.

 Against all odds I managed to blast through sewing my Snorlax costume in time for the party last night, and it was all kinds of fun. As always when the Pokemon Drinking Game is in action, there's way too much drinking going on, and after having slept much too little for way too long I ended up falling asleep around 1.30 am cuddled up between Knives Chau (dressed as Mew) and Honeybadger (dressed as Brock) while around us, Blastoise (the Puppy), Slowpoke, Pikachu, Jigglypuff and Oddish were joking around and telling stories and laughing at stuff, and poor Jessie from Team Rocket had too much to drink and was sitting it out on the balcony to regain some composure before going home. And let's just say I have a waiting list a mile long for Pokemon suits.

On flu shots and ice cream

Anime boy Yohei came back to work to get his flu shot, and I found myself disproportionately sad that he spent his time talking to Karate Husband's wife rather than me. I mean, I had to work obviously, but I still felt a bit left out. I just want people to like me so desperately that I feel like a kicked puppy when I'm not clearly adored at all times. I mean, I know Yohei thinks I'm cool to be around, as he always small-talks in encouraging ways before leaving for work (and he called me 'nee-chan', 'sis', the other day), but my brain works in mysterious ways and if I don't get constant validation I think that somehow people have magically started to hate me.

On needlessly worrying about competition that doesn't measure up

Tuesday, this young half Japanese kid came into work to meet Karate Husband to discuss work. Me being me (and on Shan's insistence), I sneaked around as discretely as I could, trying to pick up what they were saying as the interview was conducted in Japanese. I didn't want to be obvious about it as that would seem kinda rude to Karate Husband. This kid seemed to want to work evenings after school, but I'm not entirely sure he was over twenty, and that's one of our rules for serving alcohol. There seemed to be some issues, and I'm not sure the meeting went in his favour, as he left pretty quickly without being introduced to either Shan or me and Karate Husband later didn't mention it at all, but I still spent the entire time he was there fretting, mentally going 'please don't take my hours' over and over in my head.

I found the ad for the job online, and it seems like it's more of a kitchen duty kind of job, like anime boy Yohei's job, which is comforting to me. Also they put 'being able to speak Japanese' as a must, so I don't think we'll be seeing a surge of candidates anytime soon.

On pattern people being evil and meeting the most American man in the world

Man, sometimes some days are just a big pile of crap. Like yesterday, everything went wrong and I felt like I was under water all day, being slow and sluggish and stupid. I hate it. I couldn't make sense of my pattern, because some idiot decided that red and green are the best colours to use to differentiate between pattern pieces. Never mind that colourblind people in the world, like yours truly, might like to make something from these pieces. "Fuck colourblind people," the people at the pattern company seem to have thought. "Fuck them all." Fuck you, pattern people.

On early mornings and busy weeks

I woke up much too early today with a sore throat. I wish I could stay home, but I went by work with the Puppy to have a beer after having come back from my parents' house looking distinctly un-ill, so they wouldn't buy that it was for real. Ah well, Mondays aren't that bad anyway. If this keeps up, I'll take Wednesday or whatever other bullshit day of the week off. No worries.

It feels pretty good waking up early. This way I can compensate for going out drinking yesterday instead of studying. It was really nice - since I work with people who drink every day and tend to be much too tired on the weekends to even want to go out then, I don't drink all that often, and just talking shit with the Puppy was really relaxing. I was pretty tired after hanging out with my parents, my sister-in-law and my niece, even though it was a slow weekend. There were some weight-related concerns raised, as dad went to poke my side and jabbed straight into a rib, but they seem to get that it's not intentional and instead tried to think of creative ways for me to eat more at work.

On weekend plans and pokemon

What Fridays at the restaurant feel like.

Friday rolled around, and as always I'm approaching it with a slight feeling of dread. There's always so much to do, despite being two people. Shan says that the number of people who come in the fall and winter dwindles the darker the days get, but I've gotta say that I've noticed more of an increase. I feel like we're always busy, and while that's good for the restaurant, it's so damn tiring. Luckily I'm not alone on Fridays, and this week I'll probably even have Mafune there to save the day, but I can't wait for the weekend to start.

On potential success and being a nosy bastard

Oh my god, you guys, I'm so excited! O has a friend who worked as a teacher in Japan for a while, living right in Shinjuku, heart of Tokyo, and apparently having a really awesome time with no formal teaching education and just winging it. I started talking to her on facebook to milk her for information, and she promised to send the school she worked at an email promoting me, saying that she was sure I'd do really well in Japan seeing as she'd done well too, and she didn't have any real qualifications.

It's a break. A real break. It might not lead anywhere, but it's a start at getting my name out there and applying for jobs in a serious way. It's the start of something. And if it does lead somewhere, it leads me right to where I want to go.

On sleep and sushi revolutions

Halfway through my week of not seeing anyone, and I can tell you silent readers that it's something I should've done ages ago. It's like taking a vacation from the world. I'm using my duvet as a cocoon and should be emerging as a rested, hopefully rather normal person sometime by the end of the week.

On future worries and trying to make sense of stuff

The closer I get to realizing my dreams of going to Japan, the more I notice how little I really know about the process of trying to find work, and the more nervous I get. I really don't like situations where I don't know what I'm doing. Winging it just isn't my thing when it comes to big life-changing scenarios.

On allies, men with unrealistic expectations and falling asleep

Waking up exhausted after finally falling asleep is marginally better than not being able to sleep. I still felt completely drained, my headache was back, and saying that I felt ready to go to work is just simply not true as I felt more like someone ran me over with a truck. It was OK though. Mondays are typically easier to deal with than other days.

About a million times better than Friday felt at least.

On anxiety and thoughts of cake

On terrible days being terrible

Is it normal to hate Fridays with a passion? Because I do. At least this one. This one sucked. I was sure it would before it even started.

On trains and split personalities

Man, work really doesn't leave much time to myself. I have my pretty large needs for privacy and personal space, and with six hours of non-stop social activity per day, I'm pretty exhausted by the time I get back. Not even school was this hectic, socially, as I'd be able to sit in front of my computer with headphones on, effectively ignoring probably 95% of the people around me. Now, not so much. Even with 'alone days' where I don't see anyone, I'm only really typically alone for a few hours before work, and then I sleep alone, and it's just not enough. Weekends fill up fast because of people not being able to hang out during weekdays as well. I should get a calendar and then stick to it religiously, because winging it means that I make too many plans and then cancel at the very last minute due to feelings of freaking out a little. It's not optimal. It led me to having to ditch hanging out with Knives Chau today, which neither one of us was really all that happy with, but I kinda need it for my own sanity.

Sad Knives is kinda heart-breaking though.

On sheeple and trophy wives

I think I might be getting a cold. I've been really exhausted lately, and I kinda wish I could stay home, but every day I don't work will literally cost me roughly 660 SEK, and while being lazy is amazing, I don't feel like paying that kind of money unless I'm seriously ill.

On red wine oopsies and being constantly hungry

Today had the potential to be such a good day. I had coffee and dumplings with the Puppy, was asked about my views on Japanese literature at work, and made a good amount of tips. Then I accidentally knocked a glass of red wine on a customer and things felt horrible after that.

Rationally I can tell that it wasn't that bad. She wasn't hurt. I didn't stab her. She'll need dry cleaning and will send the bill, which I'm not even sure I personally have to pay (and if I do, it'll dock, what, 200 SEK from my paycheck?). It's just a matter of principle. I hate fucking up.

On makeup-less days and flattery

I love those small moments when the teacher of my TEFL course is a little bit personal. He's always so correct and professional in his replies and reviews of your work, but then he comes to his own tips and personal experiences, and it's a bit harder to stay impersonal. I always crack up at stories like: "I've tried variations of some games with varied degree of success. I once made the mistake of playing monopoly with a group of 8 and 9 year olds. I won't be doing that again any time soon, it nearly turned into a minor war".

Anything getting them ready for the inevitable zombie apocalypse is good, I guess?

On carb loving and twin missing

I could never go on a low carb diet. Never ever. I love carbs much too much. Bread, pasta, rice, potatoes, sugar... all this stuff is magical. The other stuff surrounding it is secondary. Carbs are where it's at. It's funny how people are so different in what they thrive on eating. Pony can't fill up on carbs at all, for instance. She sticks to protein, whereas I couldn't be less bothered about that stuff. It's probably down to workout habits and stuff, but I just can't understand people who cut it out of their lives completely.

On art and dreams of slouchiness

Today was the fall exhibition at Edsviks Konsthall, a gallery not too far from where I live. What's so special about that? Well, G had one of his sculptures featured, and it was beautiful. What's even more impressive is how many other beautiful works were featured, and how good the general quality of the exhibition was. I walked around going 'ooh' at a lot of things, and if I had 100 000 SEK just hanging around somewhere, I'd buy me some art. I feel really lucky to get to live around art all the time, with G's sculptures everywhere in the apartment, and I forget that not everyone has an amazing gallery in their living room at times. It really makes me happy to see G get recognized for his work though, and I hope there will be many more gallery visits to come. He works so hard, and he's so talented (as you can see here), and I was just so glad to see it pay off in how happy he was at the gallery. Anywho, it was a pleasant way to spend part of the afternoon. If you're in the area, I recommend it.

On food dreams and nice people

"Just give me the Kirin beer and no-one gets hurt."

Some people are just legitimately scary. There's a man who comes in to work like once every two weeks, and I'm not one to scare easily, but he terrifies me. He looks like an evil Sean Connery. He's rude, cold and gives the impression of being completely ruthless. Normally I react to rudeness by getting annoyed, but with this man, I just want to hide. It's like my subconscious is telling me that he keeps a torture dungeon in his basement, and not the fun kind. Anywho, he comes in, orders his special sushi and then wants a Kirin beer in a specific glass, with a specific amount of foam, and he wants it fast. I don't think I've ever seen him smile. Then he only drinks half the beer before leaving. What's a little bit extra foam if you're not going to drink the damn beer, creepy man? Why do you keep coming back if we apparently always do everything wrong? Shan doesn't care much for him either. "He's a psycho. Everyone on the waitstaff hates his guts."

On some kids being less terrible than others and k-pop related sadness

What's the deal with everyone selling defective phones? Swedish Ebay site Tradera's phone page is like 90% items that are broken or fucked in some way or another. "The screen's cracked, the phone doesn't charge and it has some water damage. Easily fixable!" and you just want to curb stomp the seller for wasting my time. I had what I thought would be a quick deal happening on another phone, but the seller just kinda dropped off the face of the earth. How hard is it to just answer emails when you're trying to get a deal happening? I'm trying to give you money here, cut me some slack.