On real people turned imaginary friends

I've been really nervous about T coming over on Friday. The fact that it's now, this very Friday has me all freaked out. It's not like it's the first time ever I'm seeing him, but it is the first time in two years, and last time we saw each other it wasn't like I'd booked my trip to Japan specifically to see him. Now I feel responsible for his general happiness when he's here, which means that I feel even more bummed out about the whole going north to Kiruna thing, as well as the fact that there's not a single patch of snow out there. The past three or four years have been overflowing with snow and cold weather at this point in December, so why the hell not this year?

I wanted T to see this. If he wanted to see rain, he could have stayed in Kawagoe.

Feeling personally responsible for the weather is probably a bit on the fucked-up side of things though. I should probably try to be a bit less of a control freak.



Anyways, I talked to T about some stuff and everything feels calmer, although I'm still nervous as absolute fuck. I think it's the fact that I've kinda moved him over to the 'internet friend' corner of my mind - somewhere along the way since last I saw him, he's ceased to exist as an actual person in my mind and become more like an imaginary friend. The notion of him coming over and sleeping in my bed (while I, being the gracious host that I am, crash on the couch), eating breakfast at my kitchen table and showering in my bathroom, feels completely unreal, like having a unicorn prance around your livingroom and try living the Swedish life for a week. The thought of any physical contact is so foreign after all this time of being separated by half a world. The shyness will also be crippling, at least for the first day or two. Possibly the entire week. It's bound to happen, us being two very introverted people who never talk about our feelings without avoiding saying anything that's even close to the point out loud. Why be concrete when you can be vague and mysterious?

Vague and mysterious with cups! If Skype were cups, I mean. Seriously, who needs actual face-to-face time when you can comfortably allude to everything from the comfort of your home?

At the same time as I'm scared shitless, this whole thing fills me with anticipation. T's one of my best friends, and hands down the best friend I have in Japan. Being with him like this might give me a taste of what life in Japan will be like. I was walking home from work and I felt a renewed energy to try to find a job, move and see what things will be like. I can always go back if I don't like it. Making big changes doesn't have to mean that they all have to be permanent if they turn out to not feel right. At least that's a comforting thought.