On giving emotions some breathing space

Man, taking responsibility for your emotions is pretty hard, but ultimately very rewarding. Lately I've been sorting through my messy personal life, instead of just hiding when things become shitty or awkward, and it's really proved to beneficial. I've even had the guts to do some stuff I probably wouldn't have had the guts to do before. Today, for instance, I found out that Norimaki-san was being moved to the other restaurant starting next week, so I wouldn't get to see her anymore. This came after a really funny and engaging conversation in the locker room, and I just felt devastated to lose her even though I'd only just gotten to know her, so (with a slightly quivering voice) I asked her before she left if she'd like to go out and have a beer with me sometime, since we wouldn't be able to see each other for a while, as I'm off work tomorrow. She responded with great enthusiasm and thanked me for asking her, scurrying off to procure a pen and wrote her phone number on a piece of paper for me, telling me to text her and she'd let me know when she'd gotten her schedule. I felt so proud of myself for taking that (probably not scary for most people, but kinda scary for me!) step to making a new Japanese friend, as well as a coworker friend. An older female coworker friend, who I'm not directly related to. I've never had one of those. I'm pretty psyched about it.

I saw Gravity with my friend the Philosopher today, and while I really like spending time with him, it's always tinged with insecurities. We're very different, and our outlooks on life are very different, and for some reason I can always speak my mind around him and tell him personal things about myself, and that's really scary to me. I can talk rather openly about the walls that I put up, or the messed up ways I used to feel, without really knowing how it even got there. Suddenly it's just out there, and I hate making myself vulnerable that way. It's like I'm pointing right to my weak spots going: "Here, hurt me here please". And yet I don't know why I keep doing it. Maybe it's because he works with philosophy and is used to hear ideas that differ from his own without judging like most people do. Maybe it's just because he's a good person. It's liberating, at the same time as it's terrifying. Every time I've seen him it's like I'm wavering between wanting to see hi
m soon again and wanting to run far, far away to someplace I can be impersonal and uncomplicated.

Maybe accepting my vulnerability is the next step in taking responsibility for my emotions. It just fills me with the same kind of dread as Gravity's being lost in space kinda did. I'm really trying to figure this whole thing out, and while I've gotten further lately in understanding my emotions and actually giving them room to breathe, saying that I feel comfortable doing so is a blatant lie. I'm trying, though. I reallly am.