On long hiatuses and new resolve

Well that turned into a longer hiatus than expected, but I guess that's okay - it's the Christmas holidays after all. Can't be on top of my game all the time. I've had a good excuse to not be as well, with T hanging around. Getting over the initial Kiruna disappointment was fairly easy - we had a great time touring the southern parts of the country, spending time with both Pony's family and my own. This whole trip, and spending time with my friend has really renewed my resolve to finally get the Japan show on the road. I've given myself until June. Six months to get my shit together. Even someone as unreliable as myself should be able to figure that out.

The language barrier hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be either. I've been a translater for the better part of a week now, and thinking in three languages simultaneously is pretty hard. T understands English when he wants to, and when sentences aren't all that complicated, but whenever things get a little bit difficult he looks to me for a translation. Swedish is obviously something he doesn't understand, so everything that's said in Swedish in regards to him has to be translated too. It's good fun, and really good practice, but I'm embarrassed at the state of my Japanese sometimes. I hear myself making rookie mistakes, and it bugs the absolute shit out of me. Then again, I'm sure stuff like that will go away quickly enough once I actually settle down in Japan and speak it every day. I'm bothered but not all too bothered, which is good I guess.

Even hanging out around my parents wasn't all that horrible. I was anticipating some serious awkwardness, but things went really smoothly, all things considered. After a fun week, however, suddenly it was Thursday morning, and goodbyes never were my strong suit. I tried sucking it in, but still started sobbing at the train station like a little kid having the cute puppy they got to look after for a while taken back to their original owners. I always end up feeling like the loneliest person on the planet, like there's this big black hole in my chest that sucks the warmth and life out of everything. I miss him already and he hasn't even reached Copenhagen.

I guess this kinda sets the tone for any New Years resolutions though - get the last of my shit together and go. I've waited long enough, and now others are waiting for me too. Not hurrying the fuck up would just be rude, don't you think?