On a distinct lack of Christmas spirit and planning responsibilities

I don't know if it's been the absolutely cheerless weather that's been going on recently, but I've been feeling particularly Grinch-y this holiday season. The Christmas spirit just hasn't been there. Even meeting my family yesterday for more Christmas food and holiday cheer was on par with a regular family gathering - nothing all that special. I was feeling like I would much rather have stayed at home with some chips and a pizza rather than hang around my loud nieces and nephiews. They always give me rather nasty headaches with their squealy child voices. Does that make me a bad person? Being able to go home and have a lazy day before work with G feels so much more pleasant to me. Silence, I've missed you.

Mom and dad opted to get me a new pair of boots for Christmas, which is good seeing that my boots are pretty riddled with holes and terrible-looking. The thing is though, that every pair they'd seen that they figured I might like, I didn't, which made me feel like a horribly spoiled person. I haven't managed to find any boots that I like myself this year, which is why I haven't bought any, so trying to explain why something doesn't work for me is pretty nerve-wracking. Luckily it was with dad, and dad takes my side in these kinds of issues, actually kinda encouraging me to be picky and to send them the bill when I've found a pair that I actually like. I just feel like the worst kind of douche while being stranded in the shop though, with the sales people smiling at you trying to be as helpful as possible, and in your head you're going "Yeah, that's nice but... but I don't like anything in this shop. Like at all.", and then spend your time trying to think of a good exit strategy to leave fast but not very fast so that it turns rude. I don't like shopping in small towns. I'd rather have the cashier not have time for me and leave me alone.

I still feel really lonely since T left. I told myself I'd turn the loneliness and sadness into motivation to get to work on my going to Japan, but as it's the winter holidays right now, there's not an awful lot I can do about things like trying to get my Bachelors degree on paper as no-one's at school. I'm trying to find an affordable way to get a driver's licence too, as T said it was a good idea to try to score one in preparation for Japan, but I really don't know the first thing about driving schools or what to think about in preparation for it. Projects are good though. Everything one step at a time.

I'm prone to do this. Please help me to not do this.

Planning for the future helps when trying to live through the now though. Next week I'll be working a really shitty schedule, but thinking about it in terms of money for my Japan trip makes it shitty but bearable. "You have six months," T said. "Get here before then or I'll forget all about you." Obviously it was a joke, but I needed the incentive. I should ask myself at the end of each week what I've done to further my goal - how much money have I saved, or how many jobs I've applied for, or if I've gotten all of my paperwork together. Maybe by holding myself accountable on a weekly basis I'll be able to work even faster, or maybe just see the positive side of things after those weeks that feel like they're just absolute shit.

Anyways, silent readers, your non-weeaboo internet friend is back on track after a rather uninspiring and unhappy fall season. Let's get this show on the road.