On exhaustion and k-pop related disappointment

Today Pony dropped the bomb on me - possibly no more K-pop Nonstop parties after their season finale on November 29th, that Pony won't even be able to attend, and man, the depression that followed! There are other k-pop venues in Stockholm, sometimes, but the K-pop Nonstop parties were the ones Pony and I really liked going to. We're going to have to find new outlets for k-pop, and finding parties that only play it might be hard. There's always Fried Rice and Kpop+, but Fried Rice doesn't do just k-pop, and Kpop+ is mostly based in Gothenburg and don't really do that many parties in Stockholm. Sigh. Wednesdays really do suck. Luckily Pony redeemed the situation a bit by sending me an upbeat k-pop playlist on youtube, but I'm left wondering what to do now with my pent-up need to dance to awesome music.

I miss Pony. I really do. We never really get to spend time together anymore, as I'm working when she's off and she's studying when I am, and on those nowadays rare occurrences when we're both in the same place at the same time, half the time Hemingway is too, so we don't get our girl time. We're both pretty bummed out about it. Only getting a few hours a week as opposed to previous near-constant contact 24/7 is heartbreaking.

I need more Pony hugs in my life.

With the TEFL being due on Saturday, I kinda feel like I can't have any off days where I just stare into space, even though I'd really need one right now. My ovaries are in pain, and I feel like I'm having one of those really heavy days, and it's Wednesday, which means a boring night at the restaurant without much in the way of tips. I sleep on average an hour or two too little every night in order to get some more TEFL crunch time in, and it's beginning to manifest. I'm exhausted all the time. Luckily, it isn't this weekend but next that I have to fill in for the two Swedish girls at work. I don't know how I'll do that, since my weekends are my holy days off, but I guess you've gotta do what you've gotta do.

I was so tired on my way back from work tonight. The subway was full of people who were all talking and laughing loudly, and that in combination with my ovaries feeling like they'd managed to tie themselves in a knot, I just felt like I wanted to crawl up into a ball and either explode, killing everyone, or start crying and wailing for everyone to get the fuck out. I just can't take any more people, and that's even after not seeing anyone since Sunday. I guess I just never figured how much energy being a decent person at work actually zaps from me. I should learn to say no more, and really cherish more me-time. If people can't handle that, then they're not the kind of people I want hanging around in my life. I need to start prioritizing, and in that deal I need to come first. My time is valuable, and I want to spend it doing better things than tying myself in knots trying to please other people who want a piece of me. I don't have time for that shit.