On comparative dude studies

My favourite way to stop thinking about stupid boys is to start thinking about other stupid boys, and in doing that, I've come to the conclusion that some people here sure know how to flirt. Having gone on a number of dates through Tinder, I've noticed some serious skills in some of these boys. It's a lot more discrete and sensual than any flirting I've been used to before - European dudes seem to have missed the lesson in subtlety and are more likely to just move in for a grope. This guy I was having lunch with today was talking to me about the beach, and commented on the fact that I wasn't very tanned.
"Oh, I'm pretty tanned here compared to the underside of my forearms," I replied, pulling up the sleeve of my polo to expose the rest of my arm.
"Wow, you're so white! Your skin's so beautiful," he exclaimed, slowly and lightly letting his finger stroke along the length of the underside of my forearm. It was such a small thing to do, but so wholly effective. It elevated him from a 'Aw, he's cute' to a 'Damn boy, you fine' in a matter of seconds. Honestly, the fact that he just a little while before had gone "Kickboxing is a hobby of mine that I do about once a week. It's super effective, here, feel my stomach!", prompting me to poke his abs (which indeed were rock-fucking-solid), did help sway my opinion a little bit as well.

Well-dressed, handsome, smart, bespectacled boys seem to be a whole (rather numerous) breed of their own here. Just another one of those things that make me love this country.

On sobs, hopes and homecoming

Going home ended up feeling a little rough. I mean, mom was visibly upset (while the others were being far more sombre about it), and hugging everyone just made me successively more bummed out. My niece kept hugging me over and over, and right before I walked out the door, she called my name. "Can you not be gone for such a long time?" she asked, her tiny voice quivering. "Because I'm going to miss you so much. But you know, even if you are gone for long, we'll still be together." And I broke down like a little shit. I'd managed to keep it together up until that point, but it was just impossible to not grab that adorable little munchkin and hug the crap out of her while sobbing.

Goddamn onion cutting ninjas are sneaking around my parents' house, that's for sure.

On hormones, walks and being, well... tall

I know I took all this time off to do something awesome this weekend, but frankly, I haven't really done shit. I don't know if this was a good thing or bad thing. Maybe it was something I really needed. I've been drawing a lot, and that's something I haven't done in a long time. It felt nice to reconnect with it, if you know what I mean. I felt a little lonely the first two days, and I didn't really open my mouth for 48 hours except to speak to my fish and the shop staff, but in a way, maybe that was restful too. I've been having crazy hormones too, resulting in both my body hating me and my head feeling kinda out of sorts. Gotta love all those wonderful female hormones, am I right?

On infinite spaces

Sad things happen to good people.

On pettiness, gangster Koreans and beautiful houses

So it seems like this is turning into more of a weekly thing than a daily thing, and it tends to focus mostly on the weekends. Seeing as my life kinda happens on the weekends, and weekdays kinda have 'work' written all over them. Isn't that everyone though? I mean, isn't that kinda... life? But yeah, bring it on, weekends. Let's let loose!

On work woes and wonders

I'm weird with grades. Just completely irrational. I take them way too seriously, to a point where it just gets stupid. Why is this coming up now? Well, my lessons are graded by the students. They don't always grade them, sofar only three people have, which is just over 20% of the number of people I've taught. Anywho, the first two left bright and shiny 5's, which was a great ego boost for my first day. Person number three, however, left a 3. I tried to wrack my brain as to who this might've been, and I think it might've been the very intense high school PE teacher who was kinda obsessed with soccer, who might've not wanted to talk all lesson as we accidentally ended up doing (rather than just half as specified in his information). A 3 isn't even particularly bad, it's still a passing score, but I feel a little embarrassed about it. I mean, I'm new and all, but I think I should be able to do better.

Having said that, a 3's not very different from a 4, and if my grades had been all 4's, then I wouldn't be upset. However, if that were the case, then my average would've actually been lower than what it is now. I think I'm missing the consistency. I shouldn't be beating myself up about this, yesterday was only my second day after all. As long as it's not a negative, which is a 1 or 2, I'm still in the clear. Stupid brain to be wired to be unhappy with a passing grade. I should just be chill about it.

On Kraftwerk naps, AI love and childhood thoughts

Man, this cold is really getting the better of me. I hardly have a voice anymore. Half of what I say comes out as a squak, and the other half as a whisper. Day two of staying home from work is proving to be far less eventful than day one, but I think that's what I need right now. Staying in and not speaking.

I'm finishing up the Interview task for the job in Japan, and it's pretty hard trying to understand what they want and what I should say, but I think I'm doing a pretty okay job of it. It needs to be in by tomorrow, so I'm not in a huge hurry or anything, which is good. Taking things at a slow pace feels good sometimes, especially when everything else related to all of that has gone so seamlessly so far. I managed to get the reference letters in on time. I'm still on schedule.

So please please please hire me.

On pleasant dinner dates and unpleasant frustration

I find my relationship with Moonlight to be completely confusing. I don't ever really know where we're at. One minute it's like we're a couple, and the next, he fucking high fives me as a hello and we're nowhere even near any kind of physical contact. "But hey, he came rushing over and damn near broke your door down because he saw you crying," Pony said, but I just get the feeling he's like that with any friend. After having dated Hemingway who would hardly do anything that didn't involve climbing all over me when we were together, I end up feeling insecure and kinda rejected around someone as unwilling to admit to any kind of public display of affection as Moonlight.

"So talk to him," Pony said. "Tell him how you feel, even if it's the scariest thing in the world. It's funny how brave you are in some instances and what complete chicken shit you are in others. Move to the other side of the world? No problem. Tell someone you hang out with as boyfriend and girlfriend that you're harboring some serious feelings for them? God no." Hell, moving is nothing in comparison to the potentially emotionally crippling consequences of telling someone you're in love with them unless you're both absolutely hammered. His whole attitude is beginning to seriously piss me off though. It makes me defensive too. I don't want to get hurt, so I feel myself pulling back. It's probably not the best of tactics, but this back and forth yoyo-ing is really messing me up.

On lazy days and pleasant wooziness

My body's still not really accepting the fact that today is a day off. That sinking feeling when you look at the clock and think "Shit, I need to go soon" doesn't go away even if you in fact don't need to go. I need these few days off. It's probably the best birthday present I could've given myself. I'm unbelievably sick of working at the restaurant. After this is done, I'm never taking another service job. Ever.

On hungry games and gender bending

Going on what could only be construed as a date with your now-exboyfriend kinda feels a little odd. Hemingway's leaving for Hong Kong soon, and while we broke up I still like him as a person and quite like hanging out with him, so I want to be able to do it and at least feel kinda normal. Nine months of history don't just go out the window in a heartbeat. Anywho, we went to see the second installment of the Hunger Games triology (which the movie usher hilariously called the Hungry Games, which made me giggle), and it was pretty good. Not as good as the first movie, but then again the second book wasn't as good as the first one either, so I guess it was to be expected. Also I've gotta say that I wanted pretty much every single item of clothing Effie Trinket wears in that movie. Couture all the way, honey.

I like movies that at least try to deal with mental problems. The way both Katniss and Peeta are haunted by nightmares and panic attacks as a result of post traumatic stress disorder from the games was extremely sad and quite uplifting at the same time. None of this Hollywood strong-characters-don't-flip-out bullshit. Lifting up anxiety disorders like that, by showing that the heroes are affected in very real and serious ways by what they do, is something I really like seeing because it adds depth and believability to the movie as a whole.

On some kids being less terrible than others and k-pop related sadness

What's the deal with everyone selling defective phones? Swedish Ebay site Tradera's phone page is like 90% items that are broken or fucked in some way or another. "The screen's cracked, the phone doesn't charge and it has some water damage. Easily fixable!" and you just want to curb stomp the seller for wasting my time. I had what I thought would be a quick deal happening on another phone, but the seller just kinda dropped off the face of the earth. How hard is it to just answer emails when you're trying to get a deal happening? I'm trying to give you money here, cut me some slack.

On feeling needed and feeling happy

"If you're not working, then who is?" Shan the Sri Lankan man asked me with a smile when I asked if I was working today as well, which in part made me wonder how stretched for people they really are, in part when they'll give me a schedule, but mostly made me think of this segment from Kamikaze girls. 'Kimi jyanakute dame nan desu' - 'It has to be you'. Not that I think it was meant quite in that way, but it made me laugh a little on the inside and want to watch that movie again. I love it, it's amazing.

On ships and Pacific Rim being totally awesome

I met up with the Puppy today, which consisted of hanging out at Cafe String, people-watching and ship-stalking. The Puppy loves the sea, and loves sailing, whereas I can kinda take it or leave it. Not a huge fan. Anywho, we were walking through Gamla Stan, and there are a million or so huge cruise ships docked there, and this one in particular was a big sailing cruise ship. The Puppy, being the Puppy and all, nearly wet himself from excitement and decided to go find crew members to ask a million questions. Being the nice person I am, I went with him and tried to get him to not jump up and down like a schoolgirl while he was talking to the captain with barely contained glee.

I don't give two shits about boats, but I can stand there and look supportive and give the captain looks of "Oh my god, I'm sorry, we're totally wasting your time, I'll remove him in a second", but the conversation was taken over by the big burly black hotel manager guy named Jeremy, who kept insisting that we both should sign on as crew next year and sail with them. Obviously, as expected, the Puppy went haywire and I was like "nope nope nope". I know people who have worked on cruise ships, and it's apparently one of the shittiest things you can do for money. It was a bit awkward, but still, now I have all this useless knowledge about sailing ships I didn't have before.

On spirit animals and complexity

Does the fact that my facebook news feed is starting to get clogged up with wedding and/or baby posts mean that I'm starting to become a legit adult? Or old even? I feel old. Or rather, I feel like everyone else is a responsible and well-adjusted adult, and I'm the only one who's still mentally 12 years old. Forever.




The more I watch Jenna Marbles, the more I feel like she's my spirit animal or something.

On movies you probably don't know but definitely should see - Night Nurse

So yesterday's post was kinda... grim, I guess. I've had a bit of a rough week. Anywho, it's no biggie, I'm not having a relapse or anything, so no worries. I've just had a long, tiring week, and I've been kinda out of sorts lately. I'm heading to my parents this afternoon to help them with yard work. I think quitting Stockholm and getting on with some menial labour will be just the thing. Until then, I thought I'd leave you with a movie to watch for your Friday night, seeing as it's been quite a while since my last one of these.

On beauty

I was loitering around on the internet a while back, when I found this video of a restaurant in Brazil that decided to do something special for International Women's Day.



It's a kind thought. It's a nice idea. But Christ people, can we lay off the over-praising of superficial qualities?

On weird foods and Tony Stark having feelings

Hemingway and I went to the movies today, after a lazy morning of noodle breakfast and shopping at Asian food stores. I love Asian food stores, these places are magical.

I mean, how can you NOT want to try something called Bang Bang chicken?

So many things I didn't even know were edible. It's pretty cool to be able to go into a place and be able to ask for things like jellyfish head, barbeque pig ears, chicken feet or duck necks. The smells remind me so much of China Town in Toronto. We used to go there every now and again when I was a kid, and I always remember the smells in particular. There were street markets with live seafood and just so much things that were pretty damn awesome for a five-year-old to wander around staring at. I would always have wonton soup (which Hemingway and I made the other day), which I'd nicknamed 'brain soup', being a creepy little bastard, and before we went home mom would always get me koala cookies, because a trip to China Town wasn't a trip to China Town without koala cookies.

Happiness in animal shape.

On things you learn from movies

You can learn a lot of things from movies, especially things from different cultures. Spent most of the day being lazy, watching Hemingway's favourite movie 3 Idiots, which was a cute movie about embracing all the fun things in life and not taking things too seriously (with a lead role that was pretty much a male Manic Pixie Dream Girl), and I also learned informative things such as:

On movies you probably don't know but definitely should see - I'm a Cyborg, But That's OK

I wasn't sure whether or not I should include I'm a Cyborg, But That's OK in this series of movies you don't know, seeing as a lot of people actually do know it. It's become an indie cult classic, but since people still tend to go "huh?" when I mention it, and it's one of my favourite movies, you guys will just have to stick it out. I borrowed (OK, pretty much stole) the DVD from Sand a few months ago and have yet to give it back, seeing as I watch this movie on average at least once every other week.

On movies you probably don't know but definitely should see - 3-iron/Bin-jip

Blog.com was down for 24 hours or so, much to my great dismay. Suddenly all I could think about was stuff to write. A thousand new ideas popped into my head. Why oh why wasn't I allowed to blog about it? Seriously, this site is down more often than not but normally it sorts itself out relatively quickly. Ah well, as long as this doesn't happen again for a foreseeable future I'll be happy. Probably will though, and I'll probably just whine and moan about it then too without doing anything about it. Anywho, what do you do when you've suddenly got all this spare time that you don't know what to do with? School work? Pssh, I think not. Movies!

I was thinking about being a bit of a hipster and starting a review series called "Movies you probably don't know but definitely should see", and 3-iron (Bin-jip in Korean) tops that list by far. It's moved all the way to the top of the list of my favourite movies. It's one of the most beautiful films I have ever seen both story-wise and in photography. Every screenshot turns into a piece of art.



Without spoiling too much, it's a story about a guy who breaks into other people's homes while they're away and lives there for a night or two. In return he washes their clothes and fixes their broken appliances. One day he breaks into a house he believes to be empty, only to find a woman, who's the victim of domestic abuse from a husband that makes me cringe so much I was actually probably the most impressed with that actor. They go through the movie never speaking to each other, but always communicating through body language and looks, which makes their relationship all the more powerful to see. The cast is stunning, the visuals are amazing and the soundtrack really helps set the mood. It's an all-around beautiful movie, and you should see it. Seriously, why are you still here? Go find it.