On meeting gods

You guys know what's fun? Going out for the day to visit shrines and go grocery shopping and then realizing that your key for the front door no longer works. For real. I freaked out in the doorway, bags littered on the ground by my mailbox, and stood jamming a key that wouldn't enter into the lock, progressively freaking out more and more and imagining more or less crazy scenarios where my landlord switched the lock without telling me for some reason. I snuck in when a neighbour left, and was then deathly afraid of leaving again, lest I never get into my building, ever. 

On tequila, life goals and homesickness

Now this may be really pretentious of me to say, but you haven't lived unless you've been in a really sketchy bar in Tokyo at 2 a.m., downing tequila shots while people chant your name.

In Tokyo, I'm living the life I will one day be telling my grandkids about, and I am madly in love with every second of it, so going to Stockholm was obviously something that was a bit dreaded. Incoming: I'm totally going to unload what's been going on the past week. Wall of text incoming!

On finding myself mainstream

Just as pop culture has taught us, Japanese girls are cute. Most of them are cute in that non-descript way that happens when people have the same haircut, same makeup style and look like they shop in the same store (i.e. probably 80% of all college girls around here), and it's a way that requires a lot of work. When I moved I was about as low maintenance as anyone could imagine. Since moving, however, I've grown far more interested in makeup and other girly things, and I've expanded my routines to things like bb cream, blush, makeup remover before bed, and shaving my legs with razors that aren't the cheap disposable kind (setting the bar high here, I know). In the Japanese mind, I'm still very low maintenance, but it's funny how much more effort I spend on this stuff now. It's funny how much I like spending effort on this stuff. I'm still me. I'm just a far more put together version of me than most people know me as.

Still as true as it ever was.

On hubs and dancing

Can we all just take a moment to appreciate how amazing this song is? Sakanaction are totally awesome on their own, but when they remix their own songs, it's like a whole new level of something that just makes the pleasure centers in my brain explode. It's like an 8 minute eargasm. It's the first song they played way back when T and I went to Sonicmania, and I've been searching for it ever since in an obsessive attempt to make it mine and listen to it every day. Luckily they released a new single a few weeks ago, and there it was. Listening to it again for the first time since that night yesterday, all I could do was to once again acknowledge Ichiro Yamaguchi as God, and bow down to his brilliance.

On boats, fish and concerts

I'm really kind of bad at the whole updating thing, aren't I? Apologies, Silent Readers, as always. Things are cosily chaotic in my world as always. Ups and downs, back and forths, and it's hard to really know where my mind is at. While that's pretty liberating, I feel a little like I'm lost at sea, just paddling any which way and hoping that whatever current carries my boat will eventually carry me to some peace of mind. It's been a bumpy couple of weeks.

On glorious returns and apartment love

Like how do I even?

I'm back from the dead, dear silent readers! Well, I say dead, but the truth is that I've moved into my new apartment and only got the internet up and running today. Man, there was just so much paper work to get through with all of that, and most of it was in Japanese. Seriously, I have no idea how people who speak zero Japanese even make it a day in this country. It must be ridiculously hard. I asked another guy at work, who said he spoke like ten words of it, and he just said that he had a girlfriend who spoke Japanese and who'd take care of everything for him, like getting him a phone and a bank account. In comparison I feel like I'm a mix of fiercely independant and very alone. I'm not unhappy with that state of being, as I do enjoy a whole lot of time with myself, but it does feel a little odd to not really have anyone at all around when I'm used to people around at pretty much all times.

On unpredictable situations and predictable me

I think I might really like teaching. Not gonna lie, that may be because I'm rather partial to the student, but I don't think that's the only reason. I spent Sunday afternoon at a small café with Moonlight, going through a chapter in his Swedish coursework, and I genuinely found it really fun. Maybe that's because Moonlight is highly intelligent, and not just adorable. That's always a good thing. Anyways, even if I was teaching Swedish, I was teaching Swedish in English and enjoying myself while doing so, and I see that as a good sign for the future. It's almost like you can see the cogs turn in a person's head, and then suddenly everything just falls into place with just some gentle prodding on your part. It feels pretty damn glorious. If I could, I'd love to do one-on-one study sessions when I'm working in Japan too as it's so much easier to tailor things to the person's needs. Also, it's just... I don't know, nice. It's a way of hanging out that I really approve of.

I feel tremendously terrible for having missed that Sakanaction released not only one, but two new songs while I was wallowing in self-pity these past six weeks. What kind of a fan am I? Their song Eureka has turned out to be my love of the year so far, could well be my new theme song. It's like hearing spring, which is nice when you're in a snowy landscape with biting winds. The short clips from Tokyo portray it beautifully, and I feel really nostalgic watching it. I kinda can't stop. Listening to it fills me with that good old wanderlust again. Watching the video closes the distance between the city and my heart. I live recklessly, recklessly.

On lazy Mondays and treading water

I'm embarrassed to admit that I still feel like I've been run over by a truck, even after having hardly left bed yesterday. Note to self, no more drinking. At least no more heavy drinking. Weekends are too short.

On feeling needed and feeling happy

"If you're not working, then who is?" Shan the Sri Lankan man asked me with a smile when I asked if I was working today as well, which in part made me wonder how stretched for people they really are, in part when they'll give me a schedule, but mostly made me think of this segment from Kamikaze girls. 'Kimi jyanakute dame nan desu' - 'It has to be you'. Not that I think it was meant quite in that way, but it made me laugh a little on the inside and want to watch that movie again. I love it, it's amazing.

On school, shelter and sushi

Yesterday's night out with Sand and Co. was a lot of fun. We had some dinner, hung out at an outdoor party and had a pretty cool time. It was architecture related, and even though I was a little nervous before going, I ended up having a lot of fun with my friends and I wasn't all that freaked out about the architecture bit either. I was thinking about it when passing my school with Yanyan one of his last days - I wasn't nearly as stressed out as I'd been before. I guess things are starting to come together for me.

Hemingway's leaving for a bachelor party weekend trip to Budapest today, and I don't think he got so much sleep last night as we came home around midnight, and Sand later called me at 4.30 looking for a place to sleep after having scary memory gaps. About 15 minutes later the Puppy called with a similar problem, having had a serious nosebleed and being chilled and freaking out. They joked this morning that this place is a bit like an animal sanctuary for strays, and while I'm happy to give my friends some couch space when they're in need, I'd rather they not call me about it at 4 a.m. when Hemingway has to get up around 6. I mean, I'm not happy to be woken at any time really.

On musical longings and shortcomings

east:azn yesterday was all in all a pretty fun evening, maybe not so much for the club as for just hanging out with Pony and just having a girl's night out. I've really started appreciating going out sober - while I can feel a bit more self-conscious then, I'm practicing my not-giving-a-fuck and I'm getting there, slowly. Cue the colour crazy makeup and pastels, we're getting on the Fuck you world-express.

Also weird facial expressions. Deal with it.

On nostalgia and dreams

Some days you wake up, or see something, or hear something and you just feel like something's missing. I tend to react that way with this song.



Way back in the days of our earliest correspondence, T introduced me to the Japanese band Sakanaction, which I have worshiped ever since, with this song. I've listened to it almost daily for a year now and I'm still not tired of it. It makes me long for my would-be life in Japan and miss the continuous feeling of wonder I got from being there. It makes me think of neon lights. It makes me miss T.