On fireworks, crazy times and true love

Aaand I'm back. Sorry for the delay and all, but it's been a rough ride the past couple of weeks. Working three jobs is really beginning to take its toll on me, and still not really knowing what's up with the architecture job is stressful as hell. I want that job. I want it really bad.

Anywho, in short what's been going on: The presentation of the Shibuya building went well. This, in a best case scenario, means that they'll be thinking about taking over my visa, and my days of people anxiety and fake smiles are gone (most likely to be replaced with work anxiety and deer-in-the-headlights looks). Turtle worked a whole lot and was then adorable, as Turtle tends to be. Time's ticking, and my trip back to Sweden should be happening soon, and it's stressing mee out. A friend from back home is currently in Japan, right smack dab in the middle of all my crap I've got going on. Shit's cray, y'all.
Did I mention that I'm exhausted? Because I'm pretty damn exhausted.

 So for the first point: A few weeks ago, word on the street was that if the Shibuya project's presentation went well, the firm would be needing people, and they'd pretty much take over my visa. Now seeing as I have like zero experience and have been trying to take all of this on with results that were kinda... I don't know, not mindblowing, it makes me wonder if they're still considering me for the part, or if they'll go with a 'thanks but no thanks', leaving me back at square one. It's hard when it's a firm that doesn't share my aesthetics, and I did kinda panic when they threw me into the middle of it all, and all of these things worry me. I try to show that I'll listen to direction and work hard, but I'm not sure that's enough. To top that off, going to work at Gaba in the evening after working nine hours at the architecture office is nothing short of madness. Ugh. This week they're taking off on account of Obon, and they said we'd be discussing the whole situation when work resumes on Monday next week, so until then I'm trying not to think too much into it.

Turtle has been really busy lately with his job. It's the typical Japanese thing - late nights, weekends... It seems pretty rough, and I feel bad for him. I was telling him to take it easy and not overdoing it, but being Japanese and just generally a zealous person, I don't see that happening, which is ironic seeing how he always talks about worrying about me working too hard. What I've noticed recently is that he seems to compare himself to me as well. "You're taking on this really hard task of living and working in another country. That's so amazing! I need to work hard like you." I was thinking that me being in another country from the one I was born in is hardly relevant, but maybe it is? I mean, I don't see it as such a big deal, because for me, it was the logical step to take. I needed to move forward, so I did.

Anyways, it would seem that his pressure will be letting up soon, and mine hopefully as well. Last night we spent time together watching the Tokyo bay fireworks and then going to dinner, during which time we were mushy and gross and told each other how happy and grateful we were to have each other. "I'm glad you're the type of person who can make me change," he told me. "Before, I would never really talk. I've always looked at fireworks in sullen silence." I bring him out of his shell, he's my rock when my life is a tidal wave of absolutely insane shit.

We got ourselves over to the bay area.

Just me, Turtle... and 700 000 other people (literally).

Yakisoba, dried scallops, pistaccios and edamame.
Me: "I can't go to a summer festival without yakisoba."
Turtle: "Wait, which ethnicity are you again?"

Turtle: "I was wondering what colour your yukata would be. I was hoping it would be dark. I was so glad when I saw you. I like muted colours like black and navy, and they suit you so well. You look beautiful."

It's so fantastic to me that someone I'm so crazy about is equally crazy about me. It's so totally unheard of. I'm on cloud nine, to the point that when we went to Ikea together and he was picking out things for his soon-to-be-born niece or nephew, all I could think about was that at some point in the future, I wouldn't mind doing the same trip with him for a completely different recipient. I can tell you for a fact that that has never happened before.

"We just have to hold on a little bit longer. Starting from the fall, let's live a happy life."

This all just makes me not want to leave him ever, even just for two weeks to go back to Sweden to see everybody. I'm really tired given this summer being the craziest I've probably ever experienced, and the thought of lugging literally across the globe makes me feel heavy. Obviously I'm excited to see the people I'm excited to see (and you know who you are), but in a way, going back to Sweden is like getting in a time machine to a time where I wasn't nearly as happy as I am now. It's a difficult thing. If I could have things my way, I'd move everyone over here.

In the same way, it's nice but oh so stressful to have my friend over here right now. Combined with all of my work and my tiny apartment and the fact that even before, we'd spend a maximum of an evening a month together and now suddenly every second not spent at work, we spend together, which is nice, but very tiring. Anything that keeps me even a little bit from Turtle feels pretty much like the crappiest thing too, no matter what the distraction may be.

Because why would anyone want to leave a world where the love of your life arranges your shoes neatly while you're at work?