On sobs, hopes and homecoming

Going home ended up feeling a little rough. I mean, mom was visibly upset (while the others were being far more sombre about it), and hugging everyone just made me successively more bummed out. My niece kept hugging me over and over, and right before I walked out the door, she called my name. "Can you not be gone for such a long time?" she asked, her tiny voice quivering. "Because I'm going to miss you so much. But you know, even if you are gone for long, we'll still be together." And I broke down like a little shit. I'd managed to keep it together up until that point, but it was just impossible to not grab that adorable little munchkin and hug the crap out of her while sobbing.

Goddamn onion cutting ninjas are sneaking around my parents' house, that's for sure.

Because aww, you're so goddamn precious!

It's pretty safe to say that you're scraping the bottom of the barrel entertainment-wise when the only movie you're remotely interested in seeing is a movie you rejected flying out of Japan. Seriously you guys, you don't want to see The Maze Runner. It's like the shittiest of shitty Hunger Games rip off, even though it does contain Thomas Brodie-Sangster and I've had a bit of a crush on him ever since Love Actually like 10 years ago. There's just something about the combination light-hair-dark-eyes that I find stupidly attractive. I've always felt a little dirty about it, seeing as no matter how old he gets, he looks just like a child (even though he's only a year younger than I am), but I guess k-pop did get me a lot more favourable towards younger-looking dudes. Lord knows k-pop is good at getting me more favourable towards a whole lot of things. I was also pleasantly surprised that they didn't kill off the hot asian guy when they had the chance, seeing as that's usually what happens. It would've made the drab main character feel even more drab if I didn't have some hot Korean dude flexing around on screen. Obviously not the hottest of Korean dudes, but far better than I was getting through most of that movie. Anywho, to alleviate my boredom after this complete train wreck of a movie, I ended up watching an extremely depressing movie called If I Stay, which led me to try to bawl discretely into my sweater while watching it. I love me some depressing shit and that's exactly what that was, and while an airplane totally isn't the right venue to watch something that makes you ugly-cry, it was nice seeing something that wasn't completely retarded.

14 hours on a plane really does bum me out though. I end up overthinking and worrying needlessly about things like my visa too, like "What if they don't let me into the country for some weird reason? What if I filled out the papers wrong?", which obviously didn't happen (in fact, it was quicker and friendlier to get into Japan than Sweden - here I got smiles, efficiency and 'Oh, you live here? Welcome back'). I just worry a lot, especially when I'm by myself. I just kinda want to be back at my place, back in my world, with as little drama as possible. I've really missed it. Because of time difference I haven't gotten much sleep at all, and I'm hoping I won't crash too bad once I'm back in my natural habitat.

I've gotta say that it's a glorious feeling when you get off the train, breathe in the (admittedly rather filthy) Tokyo air and immediately grin like an idiot. Hello Tokyo, I'm home now, did you miss me?

Hello, city with TVXQ billboards.

Hello, powerlines and tall buildings.

Hello, room with a view.

Hello, empty fridge.

I've been thinking so much about Potato these past few days. I can't seem to get him out of my mind and it makes me feel so pathetic. The insecurity is killing me too, even if it's one of those things that I know gives me butterflies. Butterflies and feeling of wanting to vomit. I just really want to see him, to hang out with his bunny while he does dishes and smokes under the kitchen fan. It doesn't have to be this grand thing, or a huge gesture or whatever. I want to take him to a bunny café and then show him all of my favourite movies. Is that some sort of sign? Should I say something to him about liking him, or would I just be weird and way too early? While I'm extremely carefully optimistic about it, I'm nervous about belly flopping. Like really nervous. So Potato, if you could go ahead and maybe be a little less dreamy, that would be great for my own personal sanity.