On pleasant dinner dates and unpleasant frustration

I find my relationship with Moonlight to be completely confusing. I don't ever really know where we're at. One minute it's like we're a couple, and the next, he fucking high fives me as a hello and we're nowhere even near any kind of physical contact. "But hey, he came rushing over and damn near broke your door down because he saw you crying," Pony said, but I just get the feeling he's like that with any friend. After having dated Hemingway who would hardly do anything that didn't involve climbing all over me when we were together, I end up feeling insecure and kinda rejected around someone as unwilling to admit to any kind of public display of affection as Moonlight.

"So talk to him," Pony said. "Tell him how you feel, even if it's the scariest thing in the world. It's funny how brave you are in some instances and what complete chicken shit you are in others. Move to the other side of the world? No problem. Tell someone you hang out with as boyfriend and girlfriend that you're harboring some serious feelings for them? God no." Hell, moving is nothing in comparison to the potentially emotionally crippling consequences of telling someone you're in love with them unless you're both absolutely hammered. His whole attitude is beginning to seriously piss me off though. It makes me defensive too. I don't want to get hurt, so I feel myself pulling back. It's probably not the best of tactics, but this back and forth yoyo-ing is really messing me up.

Today was a good day though, all things considered. It was a nice change from pretty much every single day this week. Pony and I got together to eat lunch, bake cookies and watch Kamikaze Girls in Lolita outfits, relishing finally having some time to ourselves. We both totally needed it. It was a glorious day.

Fluffy pony BFFs.

Ichiro Yamaguchi is useful for any reference.

I had dinner with Norimaki-san today, after saying we would for like months. As I was waiting for her to show up I was a bit apprehensive about my ability to keep conversation flowing in Japanese, but that turned out not to be a problem. Partly because Norimaki-san has an amazing ability to talk, and will do so almost without stopping for air unless I have something to say, and because I genuinely had a really nice time gossiping about work people and the Karate family, and discussing living abroad, men and just Japan in general, and noticed that I could do so rather well despite my worries about not having my language skills up to par. She asked me if I was attracted to Japanese men ("Some, not all," showing a picture of Ichiro Yamaguchi for reference), which she clearly wasn't, and advised strongly against them due to the gender inequality that's everywhere in Japan, saying that it's one thing for Japanese women who are used to it, but women with any kind of drive will go nuts. "They're not bad people. They're just raised in a system that puts them higher than women, and they don't understand it themselves. We both like Anime boy Yohei, and he's proved to be pretty different from most Japanese men, but I'm sure he's equally difficult to date."

Going out to dinner with an older female coworker like that, just sitting around eating Indian food and drinking beer was kind of a new thing for me. I've had dinner with people before, obviously, but just one on one with someone that you didn't really know from the beginning, who's older than you yet wants to be your friend is something new. It feels strangely grown-up, but if grown-up interactions could all be as easy as my interactions with Norimaki-san, I wouldn't worry about being an adult anymore. We said bye with promises of more hanging out, with cookie-baking, in the near future, and me managing to feel like an accomplished and put-together person. I guess when I'm confused and angry about Moonlight being the most unclear person in human history, I can pride myself on at least being able to act like a grown-up in some aspects.