On insomnia and trying to kick its ass

I headed off to bed, feeling slow and sluggish, and lo and behold! The moment my head hit the pillow I once again couldn't sleep. Is this how it's going to be for a while? Not sleep properly for a week and then round it off with a nice big migraine to celebrate the coming of a new sleepless week? Shit. This is some Narrator/Tyler Durden Fight Club-esque shit that's going on, and it seriously sucks.

Sand told me that I should look into getting some sleeping pills to help break the nasty circle of worrying and not sleeping. I just kinda feel like I'm spiralling off into crazy land, where people subside on coffee, cigarettes and sleeping pills. It freaks me out a bit. I've never had trouble sleeping. It's one of the things I do best. Still, there I am in the middle of the night, trying to get comfortable and staring into space with my eyes wide open.

This whole not-sleeping thing is really messing me up. It's hard to find the incentive to do anything when you feel half-dead and your brain is processing information at roughly a quarter of the speed it normally uses. I have no idea how I'm supposed to function like this. I guess a good thing about this is that I feel too tired to get into overthinking any problems not directly linked to sleep. That's always something.

Pictured: All I want for myself right now.

 
Working today, it was like my legs were filled with lead weights and my head wrapped in cotton candy, as I trudged along as if in knee-deep mud. Time slowed to an unbearable crawl. The only thing that seemed sped up was the rate at which customers poured in, all demanding food at an unreasonable pace. I longed to throw a temper tantrum, wailing and crying and kicking the floor, but none of that would've made it any better, so I just kicked my tired legs up a notch and tried to clear up my sleep deprived head enough to make it through dinner service.

Another bad thing about this whole not sleeping business is that I lose the incentive to eat. I had to force the ramen into my stomach tonight to make sure I don't break down crying tomorrow evening out of exhaustion instead. I feel like one of those cursed people in stories who can't sleep, have food turn to ash in their mouthes and spend their time perpetually sexually frustrated. To make things better, on my way home I met up with my equally insomnia-ridden friend Honeybadger for hot chai and sympathy. It's always nice to have people who can relate to your misery. Honeybadger has been having these episodes off and on since he was 13, so he really has it worse. Together we headed to the drug store to get these scary fuckers.

I know, I'm probably far more wary of them than I need to be, but they smell sickeningly sweet and they look like little black beetles. I just don't like the thought of having to trick my body into not being a bastard, but I guess sometimes you just have to. I'm feeling these may work though, partly because I'm already beginning to feel a bit drowsy just five minutes after taking them, and also because busy work days just wear me out to no end. Hopefully this will break the evil cycle and set me back to my lazy lazy ways.