On visa worries and life doubts

As soon as Sunday evening rolled around, with thoughts of Monday and a week at work, I couldn't sleep again. There's just no doubt in my mind at this point that it's no coincidence anymore. In the end I think I got around five fitful hours. At least it's good to be sure of the reason I guess. Also good to know that said reason will be gone and no longer any of my concern in eleven days. The countdown has begun.

Speaking of countdowns - I passed the Interview Task and am heading for my second interview, which, if I pass, will land me that job and the work visa I so desperately crave. It's close now. Close enough to touch. And I want it.

Let me taste that sweet Japan goodness.

And yet, at the same time, I'm terrified and a little saddened. It's a real definite break from everything here - everyone I care about, all the things I'm doing, all the things I'd like to see where they'd go... and it's scary. I feel like I could potentially be missing out on a whole bunch of great stuff leaving, while at the same time I'd be missing out on the opportunity of a lifetime by staying. There's no way of doing this that isn't going to be difficult and painful, and that really sucks in ways I couldn't even imagine them sucking. As someone who hates making decisions that could potentially limit my choices and thus puts it off for forever, I'm guessing I should probably see this all as progress, but really it's not that easy.

I also got an email from Berlitz, another company I'd applied to, letting me know that they couldn't sponsor a visa for me, but that if I were to score a work- or residency visa independently, that I was still in the running. This really worries me about Gaba, the company I'm currently jumping through hoops to get hired by. The woman who's my contact person told me up front that she wasn't completely sure they could get me a visa, but that I had enough to go on with my experiences living abroad for her to at least make a case out of it, and so far they seem interested, given the second interview and all. I'm just scared they'll change their mind after all my work and decide they're not going to sponsor my visa after all. If a large company such as Berlitz or Gaba wouldn't, then what chances would I have, really? It's kinda depressing.

I guess all I can do is to continue pushing forward and hope that my second interview goes well enough for them to decide that passports don't matter and hire me. I'm pretty damn sure I would be a better fit than a whole lot of other people who just happen to have been lucky enough to be issued a passport from an appropriate country. I just hope the people in charge of visa sponsorships see that too. I don't really know what I'd do if this all fell through.