On shit days

You know when you can't sleep until really late, and then the rest of the day passes in a kind of haze? And then everything that happens is tinged with this hint of sadness that doesn't really have a reason to be there other than to fuck with your general well-being? Maybe that's just me.

 Before work I was thinking I should go to the store to get some food for a few hours, and even if I was hungry I was extremely reluctant to do anything even close to getting up and going to the store or even making any kind of excuse for food in the kitchen. All I was doing was just hanging out in bed, feeling listless. I kept looking at the clock, counting down the minutes until work starts and just felt like no matter what's going on or what I do, it didn't matter because I'd be stuck in that dead-end place smiling at people who don't deserve it for six hours. Shit was bleak and I wish I didn't have to deal with it today. I mean, I don't want to deal with it at all, but some days less than others.

So many things about this day just kept getting awkward, weird and just plain unpleasant. Work was filled with odd people, awkward mistakes and forgetting stuff. I don't know if it's just that I'm uninspired and bored, or if it's because I didn't get to rest this weekend, but I kinda feel like the quality of my work is suffering a bit. I'm nowhere near as zealous as I was in the beginning. Then again, I don't think anyone is, unless they really love their job with a passion, and let me just tell all you silent readers - I do not have a passion for serving people. I don't have much of a passion for people at all.

I got to spend time with Inkybrother, my 'adopted' little brother who I got to know in high school. If there ever was a 'brother from another mother' situation, it's the situation I have with him. Inkybrother and I have been tight for ten years now, initially bonding over being native English speakers and both being too weird to fit in, albeit in different ways. He's moved back to Stockholm now after his long exile in Jönköping, and I'm thrilled to be able to spend more time with him. Hanging out with him and drinking beer was exactly what I needed after a whole day of complete shit. Sometimes life just provides for you. I should try harder tomorrow. Right now, I'm giving up for the night.