On potential success and being a nosy bastard

Oh my god, you guys, I'm so excited! O has a friend who worked as a teacher in Japan for a while, living right in Shinjuku, heart of Tokyo, and apparently having a really awesome time with no formal teaching education and just winging it. I started talking to her on facebook to milk her for information, and she promised to send the school she worked at an email promoting me, saying that she was sure I'd do really well in Japan seeing as she'd done well too, and she didn't have any real qualifications.

It's a break. A real break. It might not lead anywhere, but it's a start at getting my name out there and applying for jobs in a serious way. It's the start of something. And if it does lead somewhere, it leads me right to where I want to go.

On sleep and sushi revolutions

Halfway through my week of not seeing anyone, and I can tell you silent readers that it's something I should've done ages ago. It's like taking a vacation from the world. I'm using my duvet as a cocoon and should be emerging as a rested, hopefully rather normal person sometime by the end of the week.

On future worries and trying to make sense of stuff

The closer I get to realizing my dreams of going to Japan, the more I notice how little I really know about the process of trying to find work, and the more nervous I get. I really don't like situations where I don't know what I'm doing. Winging it just isn't my thing when it comes to big life-changing scenarios.

On allies, men with unrealistic expectations and falling asleep

Waking up exhausted after finally falling asleep is marginally better than not being able to sleep. I still felt completely drained, my headache was back, and saying that I felt ready to go to work is just simply not true as I felt more like someone ran me over with a truck. It was OK though. Mondays are typically easier to deal with than other days.

About a million times better than Friday felt at least.

On anxiety and thoughts of cake

On terrible days being terrible

Is it normal to hate Fridays with a passion? Because I do. At least this one. This one sucked. I was sure it would before it even started.

On trains and split personalities

Man, work really doesn't leave much time to myself. I have my pretty large needs for privacy and personal space, and with six hours of non-stop social activity per day, I'm pretty exhausted by the time I get back. Not even school was this hectic, socially, as I'd be able to sit in front of my computer with headphones on, effectively ignoring probably 95% of the people around me. Now, not so much. Even with 'alone days' where I don't see anyone, I'm only really typically alone for a few hours before work, and then I sleep alone, and it's just not enough. Weekends fill up fast because of people not being able to hang out during weekdays as well. I should get a calendar and then stick to it religiously, because winging it means that I make too many plans and then cancel at the very last minute due to feelings of freaking out a little. It's not optimal. It led me to having to ditch hanging out with Knives Chau today, which neither one of us was really all that happy with, but I kinda need it for my own sanity.

Sad Knives is kinda heart-breaking though.

On sheeple and trophy wives

I think I might be getting a cold. I've been really exhausted lately, and I kinda wish I could stay home, but every day I don't work will literally cost me roughly 660 SEK, and while being lazy is amazing, I don't feel like paying that kind of money unless I'm seriously ill.

On red wine oopsies and being constantly hungry

Today had the potential to be such a good day. I had coffee and dumplings with the Puppy, was asked about my views on Japanese literature at work, and made a good amount of tips. Then I accidentally knocked a glass of red wine on a customer and things felt horrible after that.

Rationally I can tell that it wasn't that bad. She wasn't hurt. I didn't stab her. She'll need dry cleaning and will send the bill, which I'm not even sure I personally have to pay (and if I do, it'll dock, what, 200 SEK from my paycheck?). It's just a matter of principle. I hate fucking up.

On makeup-less days and flattery

I love those small moments when the teacher of my TEFL course is a little bit personal. He's always so correct and professional in his replies and reviews of your work, but then he comes to his own tips and personal experiences, and it's a bit harder to stay impersonal. I always crack up at stories like: "I've tried variations of some games with varied degree of success. I once made the mistake of playing monopoly with a group of 8 and 9 year olds. I won't be doing that again any time soon, it nearly turned into a minor war".

Anything getting them ready for the inevitable zombie apocalypse is good, I guess?

On carb loving and twin missing

I could never go on a low carb diet. Never ever. I love carbs much too much. Bread, pasta, rice, potatoes, sugar... all this stuff is magical. The other stuff surrounding it is secondary. Carbs are where it's at. It's funny how people are so different in what they thrive on eating. Pony can't fill up on carbs at all, for instance. She sticks to protein, whereas I couldn't be less bothered about that stuff. It's probably down to workout habits and stuff, but I just can't understand people who cut it out of their lives completely.

On art and dreams of slouchiness

Today was the fall exhibition at Edsviks Konsthall, a gallery not too far from where I live. What's so special about that? Well, G had one of his sculptures featured, and it was beautiful. What's even more impressive is how many other beautiful works were featured, and how good the general quality of the exhibition was. I walked around going 'ooh' at a lot of things, and if I had 100 000 SEK just hanging around somewhere, I'd buy me some art. I feel really lucky to get to live around art all the time, with G's sculptures everywhere in the apartment, and I forget that not everyone has an amazing gallery in their living room at times. It really makes me happy to see G get recognized for his work though, and I hope there will be many more gallery visits to come. He works so hard, and he's so talented (as you can see here), and I was just so glad to see it pay off in how happy he was at the gallery. Anywho, it was a pleasant way to spend part of the afternoon. If you're in the area, I recommend it.

On food dreams and nice people

"Just give me the Kirin beer and no-one gets hurt."

Some people are just legitimately scary. There's a man who comes in to work like once every two weeks, and I'm not one to scare easily, but he terrifies me. He looks like an evil Sean Connery. He's rude, cold and gives the impression of being completely ruthless. Normally I react to rudeness by getting annoyed, but with this man, I just want to hide. It's like my subconscious is telling me that he keeps a torture dungeon in his basement, and not the fun kind. Anywho, he comes in, orders his special sushi and then wants a Kirin beer in a specific glass, with a specific amount of foam, and he wants it fast. I don't think I've ever seen him smile. Then he only drinks half the beer before leaving. What's a little bit extra foam if you're not going to drink the damn beer, creepy man? Why do you keep coming back if we apparently always do everything wrong? Shan doesn't care much for him either. "He's a psycho. Everyone on the waitstaff hates his guts."

On some kids being less terrible than others and k-pop related sadness

What's the deal with everyone selling defective phones? Swedish Ebay site Tradera's phone page is like 90% items that are broken or fucked in some way or another. "The screen's cracked, the phone doesn't charge and it has some water damage. Easily fixable!" and you just want to curb stomp the seller for wasting my time. I had what I thought would be a quick deal happening on another phone, but the seller just kinda dropped off the face of the earth. How hard is it to just answer emails when you're trying to get a deal happening? I'm trying to give you money here, cut me some slack.

On dwarves and other crazy things that happen in restaurants

"Just how warm is sake supposed to be when heated? Is it 72 degrees?" the blonde Malfoy kid with the Joaquin Phoenix eyes asked coldly. "Uhm, I'm sorry, but I'm not sure. Around that number I think." "That's what I thought," he said, smiling a smug shit-eater grin and generally looking really fucking pleased with himself for making me look stupid and incompetent. I wanted to kick his teeth in.

My lack of sleep yesterday filled me with bouts of homicidal rage while working. My patience was far from my normal zen master work mode, and I kept wishing no-one would show up. Every creak of the front door filled me with dread. Having to look like you give a crap when you're exhausted is... well, tiring, and not being able to show any emotion other than happiness or concern in case something happened makes me feel a bit like a mannequin. Luckily the last few people we had yesterday were really nice, and the day ended on a positive note with Shan giving me 24 pieces of left-over sushi and me having a late night sushi picnic in the living room with Pony and G.

On parrot people and the lack of free lunches

Of course, when I needed sleep, my brain decided to go 'fuck you!' and not be able to sleep until 6 a.m. this morning. Sometimes I'm really ecstatic that I don't have to be at work until 4 p.m., because without sleeping until noon today, being nice to potentially horrible customers would've been a total pain in the ass. It probably still will be though. Ah well. I feel like an upstanding employee of amazing moral fiber for not calling in sick today.

On lazy Mondays and treading water

I'm embarrassed to admit that I still feel like I've been run over by a truck, even after having hardly left bed yesterday. Note to self, no more drinking. At least no more heavy drinking. Weekends are too short.

On hangovers and nice people

Because kids, don't drink when you're in a bit of a weird emotional state. Sloppiness will happen. It won't be pretty. Fun, but not pretty.

On the world being a total dick today

You know, I wish my mood would stabilize for once. It's like every other day is really shitty, and every other is really nice. Today was definitely a shitty day. It started out nice, with a trip to a children's theater with my sister-in-law and her daughter, but then we got talking about my parents during lunch and I just ended up feeling really low about everything. I went out to have coffee with the Puppy and ended up bawling at Espresso House. Seriously. It was awkward. The suit guy next to us seemed to not know whether he should change seats or give me a hug too.

And then, I dropped my phone while walking to work, smashing my display and generally ruining any chance of happiness I had for the day. Fuck. You know the kind of day when you just want to go back to bed and hope it was all a bad dream? Yeah, I had one of those. Worst day ever.

On fall fluff and declarations of appreciation

Today's one of those days that really feel like fall. It's a day I want to spend cooped up at home, wrapped up in a big duvet and reading with a huge cup of tea while listening to Nell. Obviously that's not going to happen, because of work and stuff, but all in all I feel kinda good about stuff while feeling pleasantly fall-melancholy. The trees are all turning red and gold now, and it's time to start wrapping up huge scarves and fluffy things.

On legging hate and legging love

Leggings are not pants. This has been one of my mottoes for years. I've not so much hated leggings as wanted to impose some good fashion sense into the people who wear leggings in the wrong way, which I up until fairly recently thought was every way.

On shoe- and key troubles

I think I have a million pairs of shoes. At least that's what it feels like. I have far more heels than I ever use, unfortunately, since I get self-conscious when I feel too tall. Why are most people so tiny? I have one pair of really gorgeous wedge heels that I love to death and wear all the time though. I saw them in a Topshop store during a sale, and even though I was pretty broke at the time it was one of those 'I need these shoes to live!'-moments and I've never regretted it. They're the hottest shoes I own.

I've been looking for a pair of flat shoes with a similar feel to them, that I can love as much as these babies, but it seems to be really frustratingly hard to come across. I don't get why. There are a million wedged sneakers out there now, and they tend to look pretty damn cool, but there are hardly any cool flat sneakers to come by. I spend way too much time scouring shoe sites looking for the perfect pair, and whenever I find anything that tickles my fancy at all, it's always something that costs several thousands of SEK, which just doesn't fly.

On rollercoaster weekends and empty rooms

Man, this weekend has been sorta rough with a lot of ups and downs.

Due to the bus driver being a careless asshole, G's sculpture for an exhibition broke on his way to the gallery, and all hell broke loose. As always, G handles setbacks spectacularly bad, thinking that every negative thing that ever happens is somehow his fault, and flies into a fit of rage and despair at the drop of a hat. I thought this only made me uncomfortable because of the volume of the yelling and general atmosphere turning so thick breathing is almost impossible, but listening to it this time lead me to the conclusion that it legitimately scares me. I really don't appreciate not feeling comfortable in my own home to the degree that I sit outside the door, waiting for the storm to weather out.

On new roomies and forgotten food

Since Pony decided to move out, G and I have been discussing who should take her place in the People's Democratic Republic of Apartment. We speculated about O for a while, but it didn't look like he could leave his apartment until Christmas, and that was a bit too far off. G and I kinda left it as is, until I came home tonight to find his cool architect friend of his here, and them both totally giddy. "He's going to live here!" G exclaims happily, and while I would've maybe preferred a conversation about it where I was involved, I don't object to his choice of roomie. Technically I'm not even on the lease, but I would've liked to be involved in the decision making process. Ah well. I'm not displeased, I think he'll fit in just fine.

On hair envy and learning Mongolian

We don't keep notepads to write on at the restaurant. Instead, we use notes made from scrap paper. I love writing orders on the back of failed resumes. It makes me feel like I'm writing on the hides of my vanquished enemies.

On rough days and imaginary pillow fort company

So it's Wednesday again. I'm surprised at how fast time flies now with work and everything. It's almost weekend again it would seem, and I'm really looking forward to hanging out with Pony and dissing pretty much everyone else. I was woken up this morning and I'm still in a rather cranky mood. I hope it gets better. Wednesdays are enough work as it is, I don't want to have to do go through it all in a pissy mood.

On smiles and tips

"So how are you doing?" my friend Reinfeldt (not the actual Fredrik Reinfeldt, Prime Minister of Sweden mind you, but someone fairly similar) asked. "You look good. Not that you didn't before or anything, but you look happy. It's hard to put my finger on what's different. It's like your smile lingers in the corners of your mouth."

On awkward drunks and grumpiness

I've never really understood why people are so anti Mondays. I'm personally far more anti Thursdays. They're almost the end of the week, so you're tired, yet they're still followed by Friday, so you know that you can't rest anytime soon. Friday too, for that matter. I guess the reason that people don't dislike Fridays is because they can do stuff. I mean, not everyone parties on Fridays. Some people party on Mondays, as I've witnessed at work.