On 300 ass-hats and competition in general

The site I'm applying for jobs in Japan emails me to tell me how many people to date have applied for the same jobs I have, which makes me anxious beyond belief. "To date, 308 resume(s) have been submitted through the network for this position." Fuck you site, I didn't need to know that I was competing with 300 people. Especially when I have neither teaching experience nor an all that compelling resume. Shit. I can hope that 300 people are total ass-hats, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to apply for a whole lotta jobs before something pops up.

 
That all sounds a whole lot more dramatic than I find it. I'm not particularly sad or worried, I just know that there's some perseverance needed. I knew that from the start. I'll just keep chugging along, sending in resumes and eventually things will fall into place. Now that I think about it, I'm a little surprised that I'm not feeling detejected or anything. Maybe I'm just learning to be patient, I don't know.

On cover letter conundrums

Applying for jobs in a country on the other side of the globe is nothing short of terrifying. Fun, yes, obviously, but still possibly the scariest thing I've ever gone for. By one unsuspecting click I could change my future. Man, I need a professional-looking photo for my resume. I need a haircut. I need to breathe deep and try to tell myself that I'm adult enough to do this.

On unpredictable situations and predictable me

I think I might really like teaching. Not gonna lie, that may be because I'm rather partial to the student, but I don't think that's the only reason. I spent Sunday afternoon at a small café with Moonlight, going through a chapter in his Swedish coursework, and I genuinely found it really fun. Maybe that's because Moonlight is highly intelligent, and not just adorable. That's always a good thing. Anyways, even if I was teaching Swedish, I was teaching Swedish in English and enjoying myself while doing so, and I see that as a good sign for the future. It's almost like you can see the cogs turn in a person's head, and then suddenly everything just falls into place with just some gentle prodding on your part. It feels pretty damn glorious. If I could, I'd love to do one-on-one study sessions when I'm working in Japan too as it's so much easier to tailor things to the person's needs. Also, it's just... I don't know, nice. It's a way of hanging out that I really approve of.

I feel tremendously terrible for having missed that Sakanaction released not only one, but two new songs while I was wallowing in self-pity these past six weeks. What kind of a fan am I? Their song Eureka has turned out to be my love of the year so far, could well be my new theme song. It's like hearing spring, which is nice when you're in a snowy landscape with biting winds. The short clips from Tokyo portray it beautifully, and I feel really nostalgic watching it. I kinda can't stop. Listening to it fills me with that good old wanderlust again. Watching the video closes the distance between the city and my heart. I live recklessly, recklessly.

On my yakuza boss

I had a completely different post lined up for you guys, but fuck it, something so amazing came up today that there's no way I couldn't rush home from work to tell you guys about it. Well, I say amazing, but it's more of a 'holy fucking shit' moment. Remember this post where I told you guys about seeing Karate Husband's tattoo and the thoughts that came with that? Well, curiosity got the better of me when one of the Swedish waitresses came in, fuming over issues with her paycheck. She was ready to raise hell and on the verge of threatening to quit her job, and sensing an opportunity with my hyena-like ability of sniffing out weakspots, I asked her about Karate Husband's tattoo and got more dirt than I'd bargained for.

Oh Swedish waitress girl, let me in on all that juicy gossip!

On books and smells and other things I love

An old friend of mine gave me a chocolate scented Bodyshop spa kit for my birthday, and I just can't stop smelling myself, it's ridiculous. What's even more ridiculous is me going around going "Here, smell me!" (obviously not with random people, but you know). I tried it on Puppy on Friday, completely forgetting (like I always do) that he doesn't like chocolate. I don't know what kind of madness not liking chocolate is, but as Puppy said: "Well, would you rather that I walked around smelling you all the time?" and then proceeded to sniff me very demonstratively at the café we were at.

On looking back and looking forwards

A few days ago I came across a blog called Sad YouTube, where someone's been going through the comment sections of YouTube videos to find real expressions of nostalgia, sadness and longing for others. It's kinda depressing reading, but as those of you who know me IRL know: I love depressing shit. Anyways, a lot of the comments tend to revolve around people that the people leaving the comments have only met briefly, yet they changed their lives, or at least are reminded of these encounters when listening to a specific song, and it makes me wonder if there's anyone out there in the world who thinks of me that way. Like say there's a song on the radio that they know, and they go "Oh hey, remember that girl?" or just sit in silence letting the waves of memories wash over them. Even if it's something completely insignificant, I'd like to be remembered like that by someone. It would be like staying immortal, if only for a while. You live on in a quiet corner of someone else's consciousness, only surfacing every once in a while, bringing with you an air of... Happiness? Nostalgia? Regret? Does it even matter?

On mid-day naps and feeling at peace

I'm still completely in love with this week off. Doing absolutely fuck all in a very slow pace could be my dream for the future. I've spent more time reading lately than I've had time for in a really long time, and I've missed it so much. Curled up in a warm sweater with a really interesting book about a failed polar expedition and a big cup of tea, and I don't know why people ask me why I'm not going anywhere on my week off. I'm where I want to be. I've got what I need.

On lazy days and pleasant wooziness

My body's still not really accepting the fact that today is a day off. That sinking feeling when you look at the clock and think "Shit, I need to go soon" doesn't go away even if you in fact don't need to go. I need these few days off. It's probably the best birthday present I could've given myself. I'm unbelievably sick of working at the restaurant. After this is done, I'm never taking another service job. Ever.

On cakes

"Come to Korea," Moonlight urged me for the umpteenth time. "There are lots of teaching jobs! I think you would be happy there." God knows I wish I could split myself right down the middle to create an alternate persona that would allow me to do two things at the same time and reap the benefits of both. Obviously it would be amazing. Getting both Seoul and Tokyo in one sitting, with two exciting, fresh lives going on is probably the most appealing thing in the world right now.

On birthdays spent on an emotional rollercoaster

It's birthday time, bitches.

On adorable friends being adorable

I was talking to anime boy Yohei as he was having some sashimi before going home and I had a few minutes to spare. He was asking me about how old I was turning, when suddenly he got up to get something. "Wait, okay? Just wait. Don't move! I'll be back in a second," he said before scurrying down the hall towards the mens' locker room. A little taken aback and curious I waited, until he returned moments later carrying this bag.

And what's in the bag?

On dreams of dead mother figures

Apparently Karate Husband tends to blame his staff for the lack of revenue during the winter months. The Thai woman in the kitchen told me he'd blamed her cooking at one time, to blame the Swedish girls' lack of service another.
"At least he's never yelled at me," I said. "I've managed four months without getting into trouble."
"It's just a matter of time," she said with a smirk. "You'll see. He'll blame you too soon enough."

On friendship worries and ageism freakouts

I seem to be having a bit of a problem posting things with any regularity recently. Sorry about that, silent readers. I can't really blame anything - nothing out of the ordinary has been going on, just my usual hectic and kinda messy life, but I'm going to be off work soon and you can look forward to some quality ramblings about life and everything going on in my head. As always, there's a lot, yet not all that much of any general importance.

On colds

Friday rolled around with a cold that just kept coming. I tried warding it off with cough drops and cold sprays to stop my nose from running, but I was the kind of slow and stupid at work you only get when you're sick. I kept dropping stuff and fucking up, and broke two glasses on two separate occasions, which was both clumbsy and embarrassing. Today I feel even worse than I did yesterday, but I still have to kick into gear and go back to work since no-one else can fill in for me, if only for a few hours. I wish I could've slept some more. I felt like roadkill.

On tattoos and trouble

This first week of the year is not being kind to me. Apart from the obvious working too much laced with migraines and shit, I lost my credit card on the subway today. Luckily I got G to call my bank and fix it for me, but now I have to order a new card and be penniless all weekend. Not that it will matter since Saturday will be spent at work and Sunday most likely spent in a coma, but it was just another shit thing to add to all the shit that's been going down lately. I'm so fed up, you can't imagine.

On blog birthdays

Happy one year birthday, blog! Technically you were born in my brain on New Years Day last year, but the very first post didn't come along until the 8th. Here we are, having gone full circle, and while I haven't managed to get as far as I would've wished in terms of geographical position when I wrote that first post a year ago today, I've still come a long way mentally. It feels like more than a year though. I hardly even remember writing it, and yet there it is.

365 days have passed. I guess all that's left to do right now is to wait to see what happens in the next 365. I'm looking forward to it. Hope you silent readers come along for the ride! Being neurotic about things is so much more fun when you have company.

On migraines, sleeplessness and high school reunions

It's past 3 a.m., and instead of the rest I wanted, I got a migraine instead. I've battled off most of the pain with painkillers, but I'm still stiff as absolute fuck and probably won't be getting much sleep for a few more hours. So much for trying to rest up before tomorrow. You know how when you know you're tired really, but there's not a chance in hell that you're going to fall asleep even if you try, just because your body decided it was going to go ahead and be a dick? Well, that's me right now. Good going brain, get a migraine because of lack of sleep, causing me to not be able to sleep. Way to solve the problem. Work tomorrow is going to suck.

On day dreams and future worries

My ex-boyfriend's grandmother just sent a friend request on facebook. I haven't seen this person in at least four years, not have I spoken to her grandson in about the same time. I'm just left wondering what the fucking point is. I mean, it's not like I knew her all that well even then, so I don't really understand why she'd want to keep in touch. She was a sweet old lady, but are people really so desperate for a large amount of facebook friends that they'd choose to get back in touch with someone so removed from their family as I am? I just don't get it at all.
 

On understanding Monday hate

I normally don't complain about Mondays. It's a bit too generic. People who all theatrically go "ugh, Mondays" tend to annoy me more than inspire any kind of sympathy. Today, however, I had my own case of Absolute Shit Monday Syndrome, and I'm starting to understand the sighs and frustration surrounding the whole thing.

It's the kind of despair that can only be told through Garfield minus Garfield comics.

On language barriers and lack of sleep

Trying to communicate about feelings with someone who doesn't speak the same language to the same degree of proficiency is a little like standing on two mountain peaks and trying to communicate by screaming to each other over the wind. "How do you feel about me?" "I'm fine, thanks!" and then there's nothing really to go on, and the conversation moves on to other totally banal things that don't mean shit. So much for trying to understand the situation. Then again, I'm pretty sure that I'm totally overreacting to everything in the whole world right now. I should just, I don't know, calm the fuck down or something.

On feelings and other bullshit

Feelings are some hardcore bullshit sometimes.

On cluelessness and being exhausted

Do any of you female readers keep tabs on when your period is supposed to come? Because I end up conveniently forgetting. I'll start feeling it coming on, as I'll look a little bigger and have some cramps going on, but as for which day exactly - I have no idea beforehand. My cycle is totally regular so I can always count the days to predict it all when I actually bother, but I'm just too lazy to really give a crap. All I do is kinda hope that I don't potentially ruin any nice underwear. I kinda miss being on the pill, because my periods just didn't come at all, but I gained a whole bunch of weight and was unhappy a lot of the time, so it totally wasn't worth it. I'll power through these few days of uncomfort rather than give up laughing all together. If any of you silent readers are guys unaware with the specifics of how this shit feels, here's a handy description of what a joy this bodily function is.

On ostriches and confessions

Even after dreams involving nightmarish parts about work, moving abroad, trying to save a dying kitten that I keep forgetting to feed and people riding ostriches with snowshoes, the feeling of being able to sleep in until 11 a.m. after having to be at work at this time for four days in a row is great.

The things you find googling ostriches, man. But yeah, I wonder what Freud would have to say about all of this.

On New Years resolutions

On New Years nostalgia

New Years posts are all the rage, as far as I've seen. It's that time of year when you're supposed to look back at the year that was, right? Revel in how much has happened since the last one of these evenings came around, when you made plans and promises and dreamt of great things that most likely didn't turn out the way you'd planned them to. Maybe for the better, maybe for worse, but things don't go according to plans in this universe. Last year I vowed that I would be in Japan at this time. Obviously, I'm still in the same room I was sitting in when I started this blog, further along on the path but still nowhere near where I dreamed I would be at this point.