I'm still completely in love with this week off. Doing absolutely fuck all in a very slow pace could be my dream for the future. I've spent more time reading lately than I've had time for in a really long time, and I've missed it so much. Curled up in a warm sweater with a really interesting book about a failed polar expedition and a big cup of tea, and I don't know why people ask me why I'm not going anywhere on my week off. I'm where I want to be. I've got what I need.
I've been helping Moonlight today with looking up information about studying in Sweden, and what to do when your English is only really conversational and your Swedish almost non-existant. I appreciate that there are so many things that he wants to do, but the impatience of it all makes me worry. I don't know if it's an Asian thing, but when talking about a Swedish proficiency test called TISUS that needed to be done, he started talking about studying for 22 hours a day (seriously), or possibly a method that he ascribed to Einstein - work for 50 minutes and then sleep for ten, claiming that "in the end, it's six hours of sleep!". Obviously this horrifies me a little (actually scratch that, it horrifies me a lot), and I wonder if maybe I've been a little too enthusiastic in my praise of his will to do things. When he's been saying that things are impossible in a very defeatist attitude, I've kept telling him that he can do it, but now I'm worried that the workaholic mode has kicked in and that he won't have time to see me anymore. I hope it's just the initial hyper-nervousness that's leading to this gross exaggeration of the studying hours he aims to sink into this project. I mean, I doubt there's any way he can keep that habit going until May, let alone October should he choose to take the test then. There's just no way a body can withstand being treated like that for so long. Trust me, I know this first-hand, and I'd be devastated if Moonlight developed the same symptoms of exhaustion and depression that I had once the end of the final term at Architecture school rolled around. "There's no more time to take it easy!" he exclaimed, but if this was the last day we could fall asleep to a crappy movie while holding him with my nose burried deep into his hair, I'm going to be sad for real.
While napping I started having a nightmare about work. It was stress-related, as they tend to be. I was suddenly bombarded with customers, and as I was running around distributing miso soup, I kept stressing out about the orders, trying to be fair in what order customers were given a chance to order, when my dream self suddenly just stopped, saying out loud "Wait a minute. It's my day off! This isn't my responsibility! This is bullshit!" and with that, the dream just dissipated and all that anxiety just melted right off. I feel so relaxed. Being allowed to do whatever I want like I have these few days has been glorious. I'm not even dreading going back to work all that much. I know it's going to end soon.
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