Feelings are some hardcore bullshit sometimes.
I don't know if it's just me being hormonal at the moment, but I can't seem to be happy with anything. Least of all that my latest obsession lately hasn't been staying the night. It's not even a sex thing, I just really like falling asleep and waking up with people I like. Spending lazy mornings together are the best, so when people tell you they'll probably be staying over and then at the last minute go "ehh, I need to go home", I get probably disproportionately upset.
It's all happened kinda fast too. At the start, I was happy with everything just being casual, but it's like all these feelings just kinda happened and now I'm just tired, confused and unhappy all the time. John Green described the process pretty well in The Fault In Our Stars when he wrote "I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once", only it doesn't make me warm and fuzzy so much as angry and defensive. Shit. I didn't want this. The uncertainity is driving me insane.
It's funny though, how when you like someone sometimes still think they're absolute morons. Disney and all those romantic comedies have been trying to tell the past few generations that relationships and love are easy things where everything just falls into place after some minor awkward (yet endearingly cute) moments, and then there's no follow-up - everything's disgustingly perfect, while in real life nothing is even remotely close to that. Everything's filled with anxiety and unhappiness and oh god, why does this have to happen to my brain? It just feels a bit like you have a split personality when you don't know if you want to say "I love you" or "Go fuck yourself".
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