On birthdays spent on an emotional rollercoaster

It's birthday time, bitches.

It's pretty fucked up to feel low on your birthday. Lately I've been on such an emotional rollercoaster, and while yesterday was really nice, I woke up this morning with a distinct feeling of 'aw hell no'. I don't even know why. I should probably chalk it up to working so much and now finally being able to relax, but I just feel stupid for having a quarter life crisis on my fucking 25th birthday. How stereotypical can you get?

At least pervingonkpop got a laugh out of me with this amazing picture of TVXQ's Changmin and Super Junior's Kyuhyun. I suppose that's a good start. I should keep looking at this picture when I begin to stress out or feel unhappy about stuff. I mean, there's no way this isn't one of the most glorious pictures on the internet. I should see it as a birthday miracle that I found it right now, actually. And anyways, there's no crisis that can't be averted at least a little by blasting k-pop at an unreasonably loud volume, waking up any unsuspecting roomies.

Most of the day was really nice. I mean, the morning was pretty full of existential angst, but hanging out with my parents and my brother and his family, having an amazing Korean dinner and a really nice time was totally great. Then after that, I went out to have a beer with Moonlight, who started asking me what my dreams were, and I got this feeling that I've never actually had dreams. Sure, I've had things I've wanted to do, but never to the extent that I'd call it a dream, per se. I'm sure people can argue that my wanting to go to Japan is a dream, but for me it's more like I'm a drowning person and Japan is the surface. Drowning people don't think about having an ice cream or doing other fun things once they reach the surface - they just want to reach the surface so that they don't die.

Being reminded that I don't really have a dream made me feel a bit like an empty shell, which sent me into another fit of anxiety, and ended my birthday bawling in the snow while walking home from the subway. I guess there are better ways of ending days meant for celebration of life. Man, I need to rest. My brain's really been off the hook lately.

A pretty accurate visual description of my birthday, if you remove the cafe and keep going up and down all day.