On the universal language of fashion - Project Runway Korea S1E5

Ever since our Easter break started, this has been me.



Not really, but you know. Yesterday was the third evening in a row I had beer at some point or another. I don't plan these things, they just happen. It's like people can smell when I have a bit of time off and pounce on me with alcoholic beverages. Ah well, it's not like I get piss drunk and sing karaoke, it's just beer with friends, but I did feel pretty ridiculous coming home yesterday, going "Hey G! Just got back from beer." and he goes "Again?". Yes, again. Staying in tonight, we're cooking together and watching something ridiculous.

Today's also Hemingway's birthday, and obviously I'm kinda upset I can't celebrate it with him. This whole distance thing is really tiring and it's putting me in a bit of a shitty mood. I mean, I was told that one of the perks of having a boyfriend would be to actually have one, not just to chat with a cute one an entire continent away. Of course he's got to work, and it's not his fault, but I feel lonely and a bit stranded. Ah well. It'll work out in the end. Until then, I'll distract myself with Easter candy and Project Runway Korea.

On feeling like spring in sepia tones

Sun's up, snow's melting and I have pizza in the fridge waiting to be eaten for breakfast. I'm rested, I'm happy and today's going to be a good day. Also Wagwak released a new song that feels like freedom in tones.



I really don't get how they're not more famous. It's the kind of music that makes you see a film montage of fun times with one of those yellow-ish instagram filters so that everything looks sunny and retro, how aren't more people into that?

On watching Project Runway obsessively, S11E9

Is it just me or has this season been going on for a million years already? And this week there were still seven designers left in the running. Jesus. We'll never be done at this rate. Normally I wouldn't really mind, Project Runway has a tendency of being entertaining even when things turn out horribly, but this week's episode was just drama times a million, bad fashion, bad choices and just left both Y and I feeling totally exasperated. Nothing fun, nothing good, not much creativity - and the whole teams thing is imploding. No-one acts like they're on a team at all. Everyone does their own thing and hopes that their team member will scrape by, but that leads to bad designers staying in the game much much longer than is necessary. They've also started voting off every single contestant I have any kind of interest in, so pretty soon it'll be a final runway showdown between bland and blander. Oh Project Runway, how you've fallen.

Best tonight, not that that s a big whoop.

Bad things, good things and panda things.

Lately things have been slipping pretty bad. My project's moving forward steadily, but it hasn't really felt that way, mostly because of my thesis not progressing at all and my quest for a summer job feeling late and hopeless. Friday it all boiled over into a panic attack, the first really big one since I was 19 or so, and it was scary. Crying my eyes out, hyperventilating, shaking... luckily Pony came home just as it was starting and stuck with me through it, doing breathing exercises with me and making me tell her everything that was on my mind. Two hours later I'd calmed down enough to breathe properly, sip some hot chocolate and go to bed after an episode of X-files. I'd reached boiling point.

What Friday evening felt like, cute version.

On the universal language of fashion - Project Runway Korea S1E4

So once again blog.com was down for a bit and this time I wasn't so much inspired as pissed off. Get your servers together, people, this is embarrassing. Doesn't help that yesterday was a piece of shit day either. Tried to take the bus - but buses don't run when it's been snowing in Sweden, which coincidentally is covered in snow six months a year. "Fuck it," I thought like the cultivated young lady I am and walked to the subway. I reached the subway, reached into my pocket to get my bus card... wait, where the fuck is my bus card? And my keys? Walk all the way back (in a fucking blizzard) and get my things from G. Decide to try the whole bus thing again, manage to get on one this time, reach the subway... and the connecting bus leaves literally ten seconds before the doors to my bus opens, so I miss it. OK, 15 minutes to spare and I'm cranky. Maybe I should go get something to eat? So I go to buy a yoghurt and my card doesn't work. The universe appears to have been telling me to go home and get back into bed, because the day was pretty much craptastic.

 I hid out at my sister K's house instead, completely ignoring things I was supposed to do and instead snacking on burnt cookies and playing around with my niece. I'm trying to fight the general feeling of apathy that comes with having too much to do. I get stressed out, feel like shit and decide to face my problems ostrich style by sticking my head in the sand and pretending they'll go away that way. Naturally it doesn't work and I end up having to do a million things last minute instead. I just have no self-control, I never do a damn thing on time.

My spirit animal.

On life-changing decisions and chocolate

Me, Autumn 2013

On top of all the general stress of finishing up my thesis and my bachelor's project, I'm currently weighed down by the added stress of both trying to find a summer job and trying to find an internship for the fall. Ideally I'd want to work at a smaller firm so I could learn what it was all about, seeing as I one day would like to have a firm of my own, but they generally don't pay very well and I'm honestly a little sick of living hand-out to hand-out, as I've been doing it for years now. Doing something real, getting a bit of experience and some more dough to go with it should do me well. I'm a bit apprehensive about larger firms, as it seems you kinda turn into their personal CAD-monkey and get to do little else, but hey, maybe it's worth it. I don't know.

A whole bunch of larger firms came to our school today to promote themselves as places to apply for internships at. I stopped by for half an hour or so, and was pretty bored to find that every single project on display kinda looked the same, and people generally just said pretty menial stuff. No-one really took a stand for anything. A few firms peaked a bit of interest, but I feel a bit weird about the whole thing. I wish I could pause life right now to stop, breathe and try to get some bearings, but there's just no time. I need to just go for it, and that in and of itself is freaking me out.

There's something scary about putting myself on display by sending people what I've done and hoping they'll like it. Since every project is a measure of investment of time and effort, rejection would feel far more personal. I'm also a bit nervous that the 'realness' of what I do would feel crippling. Ugh, I feel anxious.

Anyone for some architectural gloom?

On movies you probably don't know but definitely should see - 3-iron/Bin-jip

Blog.com was down for 24 hours or so, much to my great dismay. Suddenly all I could think about was stuff to write. A thousand new ideas popped into my head. Why oh why wasn't I allowed to blog about it? Seriously, this site is down more often than not but normally it sorts itself out relatively quickly. Ah well, as long as this doesn't happen again for a foreseeable future I'll be happy. Probably will though, and I'll probably just whine and moan about it then too without doing anything about it. Anywho, what do you do when you've suddenly got all this spare time that you don't know what to do with? School work? Pssh, I think not. Movies!

I was thinking about being a bit of a hipster and starting a review series called "Movies you probably don't know but definitely should see", and 3-iron (Bin-jip in Korean) tops that list by far. It's moved all the way to the top of the list of my favourite movies. It's one of the most beautiful films I have ever seen both story-wise and in photography. Every screenshot turns into a piece of art.



Without spoiling too much, it's a story about a guy who breaks into other people's homes while they're away and lives there for a night or two. In return he washes their clothes and fixes their broken appliances. One day he breaks into a house he believes to be empty, only to find a woman, who's the victim of domestic abuse from a husband that makes me cringe so much I was actually probably the most impressed with that actor. They go through the movie never speaking to each other, but always communicating through body language and looks, which makes their relationship all the more powerful to see. The cast is stunning, the visuals are amazing and the soundtrack really helps set the mood. It's an all-around beautiful movie, and you should see it. Seriously, why are you still here? Go find it.

On watching Project Runway obsessively, S11E8

Jesus. Christ. Monkey. Balls. This week's episode was a complete and utter train wreck.

Pictured: A more desirable outcome.

On great joy and HR being the root of all evil

Today was very much a day of being torn between extremes. This morning I was hanging out with Pony, watching our morning Gintama and talking shit, when the doorbell rang and the mailman was there with a really big package. Turns out it was an enormous present from T. Oh the happy! School could go to hell, I rushed in to open it and revel in its Japanese goodness.

Excitement in a box.

On critiques and divine retribution for papal humour

Hooray for stress-related skin problems! The skin on my knuckles and fingers has, for reasons unknown, turned bright red, and my hand has started to feel like it's on fire, which I'm currently freaked out by.

Pictured: Fun times and nail polish that just doesn't want to give up.

Is it stress though? Maybe it's karma for deciding to both not show up in school until after first recess, and deciding to leave as soon as my presentation was done at 2.30 to go home and get some well-deserved shut-eye. I did only sleep for three hours after falling through the door at 4 a.m. like a drunk person (only significantly less fun). Perhaps it's like when people say your palms will get hairy if you masturbate, only it's not true and instead you get fiery dermatological death. Or is it divine punishment because I made fun of the pope? Because I said we should have a Pope Party to celebrate the election of the new one (who's, shock horror!, a white elderly man who's opposed of gay marriage, abortion and women's rights. Damn, Catholic church, I know your rap by now. Surprise me.), and everyone should dress in red shoes (preferably Prada), funny hats, drink sacramental wine and eat crucifix cookies? Because to me that sounded like an awesome idea.

I must be jealous of all the bitching hats they get to wear.

On parental breakthroughs

My parents came back from Greece last night after a six week rehabilitation trip. My family is notoriously bad at relaxing - we work all the time and have a hard time seeing how tired we are until we break down in some way or another. It's weird to call it lucky I guess, but I get migraines when I work too hard or sleep too little, so my body has a built-in fail-safe system that lets me know when enough is enough. My parents on the other hand, don't, which has lead to three or four heart attacks in my dad and stress-related depression in my mom. Fun times huh? Anyways, the trip seems to have done them good, and when I met them for coffee mid hand-in-panic I was happy to see how relaxed they seemed. It was like their entire countenance had grown a little brighter.

Then something happened that made me genuinely proud of their accomplishments.

On kicking ass and taking names with 36 hours to go

36 hours now until our mid-term critique. I've kept the steam going since yesterday and still feel pretty damn good about it. Hungry though. I want to eat all the time, which is a kinda typical pre-hand-in symptom. I'm dual-wielding cinnamon buns and snap peas at the moment. My brain's exercising, don't judge me.

Days when I need to get shit done are days when I get the same taste in music as my 15-year old self and revert back to the days of old-school Marilyn Manson.

On the universal language of fashion - Project Runway Korea S1E3

Man, it's nice to be in school and actually feel like you're really getting stuff done. I don't know if it's the best ever, but I'm getting things out of the way for critique on Thursday and Friday and it feels good. Ten days or so of total confusion and architects' block out of the way and I'm ready to get with the program.



I can't stop listening to this song either. Probably listened to it 30 times today already. The beat's really good for my concentration. Doesn't stress me out but keeps me working at a steady pace.

So yeah, Project Runway Korea! This time it was about creating a city look out of fabric from the interior of cars. Or inspired by the interiors of cars? Not sure, but it had something to do with a massive product placement. Their fabric was stashed in the trunk anyway. The designers worked in teams of two, which should prove interesting. Woo-kyung and Sang-euk seem to be at the start of something that I can only hope to be an epic tale of romance, they seem so happy to work together.

Aww! The happy!

They'd make the cutest couple in the world too, they're both adorable. Especially Woo-kyung. I love her little bear hat, it's so cute!

Seriously, how cute is Woo-kyung?

On smelly dreads, childishness and Crystal Castles

Am I being stingy when I get really annoyed that Pony's girlfriend ate the last pieces of bread that I'd saved so I'd have toast in the morning? Maybe it's just me being hungry and annoyed, but now I have to get dressed and go to the store. Woe is me and all that. Was looking forward to spending my Sunday lazily listening to Crystal Castles and reading up for my thesis.

Oh, because I totally saw Crystal Castles live in Globen last night with some friends, and it was friggin' awesome.



I was eternally grateful that Max had the foresight to figure that Sand and I are irresponsible children and bring not only ear plugs for everyone but also cash for the coat check. First time meeting his girlfriend too, which Sand and I joked must've made hell of an impression. "Max, can I borrow some cash from you?" "Ooh, Max, are those ear plugs? I forgot mine!" "Sorry I'm late, I'd totally forgotten to print my ticket!"

On watching Project Runway obsessively, S11E7

I am the king of procrastination. Don't believe me? Today I fixed the keyboard on my laptop. How that counts as procrastination you wonder? Well, it's been broken for like over a year. I've been lugging around a huge extra keyboard that seriously looks ridiculous (and eventually also broke a bit, making it look even more ridiculous), when I finally bought a keyboard off Amazon on Sunday for like £15, had it delivered to my door and then installed it in a matter of 10 minutes. This took me a fucking year.

And it's not like it was broken in a way that I wouldn't notice either. Every time I typed an n or an h, it came out nh, and the same thing happened with b and g. I couldn't even use the ctrl button on the left side, and whenever I'd press esc it would trigger caps lock and the other way around. I'm actually thoroughly impressed with my own amazing laziness.

How I perceive myself.

I love doing computer related things that are easy, but look complex, like taking a computer apart to change a piece or install something new. Makes me feel a little like Lain from Serial Experiments Lain, or some kind of super-cool hacker or something. The best part is when someone asks if it was hard and you can tell them it wasn't in a pretty off-hand way that makes it seem like it in fact was hard, but you're just so damn awesome that it wasn't hard to you. Am I over-thinking this? Most likely. But what can I say, I'm super shallow.

Speaking of shallow, this week's Project Runway left me feeling angry, confused and utterly saddened. This week was all about prom dresses made out of the Duck brand duct tape, which was introduced by Heidi and a duck named Frank on the runway. "Oh my god, what's that?!" Layana gasped when the silhouette of the duck was clearly visible. Herpaderp. Anyways, on to the winning look.

A nice job, all things considered.

On the universal language of fashion - Project Runway Korea S1E2

Only because Dongho looks like a spoiled bratty rich kid and I love that.

Asia Nonstop are having an under 18's k-pop party to calm down all the whiny minors who hang around their facebook page (seriously, calm your tits!), and have decided to base it on Maknae, Korean for the youngest members of boy bands (the 'baby' of the group). A fun idea, and Pony and I are thinking of going, although I've gotta say I'm a little apprehensive about spending a whole lot of time with people that young. I remember me as a teen. I can't say I'm in much of a hurry to relive those days. All that boundless energy that they all seem to have just tires me out. Move over kiddos, granny here wants to rock out.

On having a hairdresser with an agenda of his own

I wonder if the relationship I have with my hairdresser is the same kind of relationship religious people have with god. You come in with an idea of what you want him to do, and you end up with whatever he feels like giving you today. Justin works in mysterious ways. He'll lure you in with a friendly "Hey blondie, what's up?", ask what you want and proceed to give you... something completely different.

 

On sad songs and lonely nights

Damn, this song is addictive, and the video is so beautiful it gives me shivers.



Also having had a very dear friend who committed suicide, it hits painfully close to home, although that's not really what I want to talk about right now.

On others feelings and the chicken way to deal with them

Sad people make me sad. It's a natural part of life, I know, but still. When it's not me, it's hard to know what to do, and I'm left feeling a bit like a social idiot.

Makes me feel a bit like the bear.

On watching Project Runway obsessively, S11E6

So Sunday rolled around again, and I guess that means that it's soon time for another week of school. I feel a bit more energized now though, and I actually plan to study until it's time to skype with T. I'm dividing my work into bite-sized chunks and I think it'll help me not freak the fuck out. I talked to my parents about how I was feeling stressed and underachieving and never felt like I was getting any rest, and while they on one hand said "You've got to watch your health. Take it easy, get some rest. Things will work out", they did go "Well grades are important, if your grade is good it will give you an edge if you're applying for a job and you're tied with another applicant."

My parents if my parents were an Asian man with glasses.

Well, no mom, my work will be what they look at, but still, thanks for making me feel like my fears are legit. I've always had good grades in school (and always without having to try very hard, which is more than I can say about architecture school), and while it's never been a spoken pressure from my parents to perform well (hell, dad had serious issues in school and has said that as long as my siblings and I do better than he did, he's happy), grades have always been an important aspect of school. Two of three of my siblings did very well in school and were on the honour roll, and while the remaining still is smart, she just didn't have the motivation and in some aspects was kind of the black sheep. Education has been important, not for the learning itself, but for the paper you get at the end of it signalling that you know... something at least, and that you're capable of sticking to doing something you set out to do. Anywho, rant over. Time for crazy-pants fashion.

A little bit of crazy crotch.

On musical longings and shortcomings

east:azn yesterday was all in all a pretty fun evening, maybe not so much for the club as for just hanging out with Pony and just having a girl's night out. I've really started appreciating going out sober - while I can feel a bit more self-conscious then, I'm practicing my not-giving-a-fuck and I'm getting there, slowly. Cue the colour crazy makeup and pastels, we're getting on the Fuck you world-express.

Also weird facial expressions. Deal with it.

On the universal language of fashion - Project Runway Korea S1E1

I'm finally getting around to posting about Project Runway Korea. Watched the first episode a few days ago, but I've been swamped so I haven't had time to report on it. Good fun though - the clothes were edgier and more creative than the American version. Then again, all clothes were edgy in a similar way, which leads me to think that while Korean fashion in general leans more towards high fashion, the designers participating are working in much the same way as the American ones, only with a different aesthetic. Still, it was enjoyable. Didn't understand a word of it of course, but I've watched enough Project Runway in my day to be able to get the general gist of it.

Die die die.

This weeks challenge was about taking two items from a competitor's suitcase and turning them into an outfit. I can only speak for myself, but I'd stab someone with my sewing scissors if I had to give up my bag for that. I mean, I'd pick outfits to show on TV - lord help anyone who'd fuck that shit up. I miss Tim Gunn of course, although I do kinda like soft-spoken Kan Ho-sup, despite having no idea what he's talking about at any time. Judges seem to follow the standard supermodel-editor-designer scheme, with Lee So-ra as a Heidi Klum stand-in who never smiles as far as I can see, ELLE Korea's Editor-in-chief Shin Yoo-jin as Nina Garcia and Korean designer Kim Seok-won as Michael Kors. I hope his comments are as flamboyant as his predecessor.

On new bands and new happiness

Yesterday was a good day, just as predicted. New experiences and new bands have left me with one of those calm yet buzzing feelings in my chest of being content with what life's just thrown my way.