On Berlin adventures

I don't know if it was just our hostel that had terrible wifi (along with most of Berlin. No wifi everywhere, it felt like hanging out in a developing country), or if it was just my phone that's completely useless, but there obviously wasn't any updating at all from Berlin. I didn't even check my facebook for days. We had a lovely time though.

We found Pony in a shop window!

And really creepy postcards with possessed bears.

And Hemingway's very own drink!

And really gay drinks too!

Hemingway and I arrived pretty late, spending the Friday night drinking beer at probably the most pretentious bar I've ever seen. We only really entered because it was called Pony, and I was missing Pony from back home. It was really nice though, just sitting there enjoying the experience of being somewhere completely different than usual. We met up with Yanyan later and had some famous Berlin kebab before heading back to our hostel. We shared a room with, among others, some Swedish girls who were blissfully unaware that I speak Swedish, so I was free to listen in on all their conversations. Then again, they were the loudest bitches we could've possibly been put with, having loud arguments in the wee hours of the morning, so I kinda felt like punching them by the end of the stay. Go figure.

The staff at the place were really sweet though, although the compliment I received on the Saturday morning was kinda... awkward, to say the least. We'd had breakfast and were taking the dishes to the dish station. I grabbed Yanyan's too, because he'd left to take a shower, and the guy working looked at me like I'd rescued his dying puppy from a burning building. "Thank you!" he exclaimed, eyes aglow. "Uh, sure thing," I suavely replied. Still looking really happy, he goes "I love your outfit. It looks really cute! Or as the Japanese would say, kawaii!!" waving his hands around. It was weird. I didn't know what to say, so I ended smiling awkwardly and then leaving.

We spent a large part of the day walking, which I've been led to believe is pretty typical for Berlin. First we took a trip to the Natural Sciences museum, which blew my mind with all its stuffed animals and fucking dinosaur skeletons. It was amazing. I have the brain of a five-year-old boy, so sue me.

Not everyone seemed as enamored with the dinosaurs as I was.

The rest of the afternoon was spent wandering around on a tour with a dorky yet funny British guide with amazing old-school style tattoos (whom Yanyan and I made fun of being his back for the adorable accent and not drinking tea when given the opportunity), who talked for three hours about admittedly interesting things, but we were all exhausted afterwards.

We had an amazing dinner at a place called White Trash, with cheap alcohol and crazy squid burgers that were just delicious, although I totally don't agree with the fortune that came from my fortune cookie. No ticket to where? Japan? What the fuck do you know, you're a cookie.

Fuck you, cookie bastard, you don't know me.

Afterwards we ended up at Berghain, where the selection process for who would get to party there was seriously rigorous. We got there before they opened while the line was still short, but when they started opening up and turning away roughly 80% of the people in line, we all started getting a bit nervous. I kept feeling I should've dressed up more, and that we wouldn't be cool enough to be let in, when suddenly we were, which led to a whole lot of high-fiving each other and freaking out over what an absolutely amazing place it was, because it was. When we looked out the window, the line was so long we couldn't see the end of it, literally. Talk about a good way to feel super cool and absolutely awesome about yourself. We're cool enough for Berghain, bitch. Some people who got turned away even went so far as to (stupidly) threaten the (enormous muscular) bouncers, one guy saying "One day you'll wake up... and God will kill you!" Because not being let into a club totally warrants divine intervention.

Despite Berghain being very much a gay bar, Yanyan got hit on by a Japanese and a Korean chick. Yanyan went "She speaks Japanese!" and kinda sprung the Japanese girl on me, and I blanked pretty bad. The combination of total relaxation and a bit of a buzz doesn't make for good Japanese skills, and besides, she was totally not interested in talking to me. It's frustrating for me to not perform on the spot though, as it makes me feel like a really derpy weeaboo who's just a poser and doesn't know shit. You kinda want to go "I can, I really can! I'm just drunk!" but somehow that's not really a good look.

Hemingway on the other hand got hit on by a pretty cute Chinese guy, although I'm not completely sure he was aware of the fact that he was being hit on. Then again, we were sitting by a bar that had glass cases of jelly statues of dudes blowing each other, so we maybe should've figured.

This one guy came up to us asking for ecstasy as well. Yanyan joked and said that we were looking for some good dope too, thinking that we wouldn't see him again for the rest of the night. Well wrong, as he found us on the dance floor later, throwing his arms around us saying "I found really great E! I'm so fucking high right now! Are you guys still looking?" Yanyan and I looked at each other with like an 'oh shit' face, and the guy went "Of course you are!" and started trying to drag us away to this unknown drug deal. None of us felt really up for doing drugs with a strung-out-looking German junkie in a bar, so we politely declined, leading him to ask if Yanyan was my boyfriend. "No, but..." was about as far as I got before he declared that he could marry me on the spot. When Hemingway very conveniently stepped up to save the day, the druggie dragged him aside and started yelling about how fucking lucky he was. It was surreal. I mean, I don't know how much a compliment from a druggie high on ecstasy is worth, but I love compliments. I'll take them where I get them.

I agree with German breakfast times.

I also agree with German breakfasts.

We ended up getting scolded a lot by the Germans. This seems to be a pretty German thing. First, at the museum, we were scolded collectively for trying to open a door using the handle, by a fat man growling "Use ze door opener!". As far as we knew, handles kinda are the definition of door openers, so we felt kinda unfairly accused. The second time a super-rude waitress scolded me for not being careful enough when putting down Hemingway's soup (which I still felt was her job after all) by going "Attention!" in a very German madame voice, before angrily stating to us later that the tip was not included in the price. Feeling like she'd done nothing to deserve a tip as she hadn't even smiled once, we left an assortment of Euro cents on the table and hurried away, not wanting to risk her wrath again.

The third time I was scolded at one of the Berghain bars, when I lit up a cigarette and was told by the snarky bartender in short shorts to smoke in the designated smoking areas. There was a smoking room in the club, but everyone was smoking everywhere - on the dance floor, in the other bars, and another bartender was even smoking behind his bar, so the whole 'designated smoking area' was kinda open to interpretation. Bitch. Finally Yanyan was scolded on the Sunday for not standing on a part of the Holocaust memorial when there were no signs stating that this wasn't allowed (everyone was sitting everywhere on them, and a little kid was even jumping between them), so it seems like the Germans thought that we were just bad people generally. I don't think I've been told off that many times in a weekend since I was tiny.

All in all, Berlin was pretty awesome, although I don't know if I really get the hype. It was cool and all, but it wasn't the mind-blowing bohemian experience that everyone kinda leads you to expect. I'd kinda want to go back there by myself sometime I think, to do things my way and at my pace. I'm going to go ahead and leave you with my favourite German movie to get you guys in the zone of things. If you haven't already, check Berlin out, because it's a beautiful city. Just wear comfortable shoes and watch out for their grumpy scolding and you'll be good.