On yearly highlights and a total lack of fireworks

And what a year it's been.

On sobs, hopes and homecoming

Going home ended up feeling a little rough. I mean, mom was visibly upset (while the others were being far more sombre about it), and hugging everyone just made me successively more bummed out. My niece kept hugging me over and over, and right before I walked out the door, she called my name. "Can you not be gone for such a long time?" she asked, her tiny voice quivering. "Because I'm going to miss you so much. But you know, even if you are gone for long, we'll still be together." And I broke down like a little shit. I'd managed to keep it together up until that point, but it was just impossible to not grab that adorable little munchkin and hug the crap out of her while sobbing.

Goddamn onion cutting ninjas are sneaking around my parents' house, that's for sure.

On mom tears and heartache

I can feel like such a dick when it comes to my family sometimes. I don't mean to be, but I'm pretty sure I'm a giant asshole every now and again. I think everyone probably is, but whenever I notice it I end up feeling really guilty about it. I'm still totally a non-confrontational kid at heart, and I hate making people sad or disappointed, so fights really get to me. Fights that aren't fights but rather just expressing negative emotions in a heartfelt way are the worst. There's just no guarding yourself from shit like that, is there?

On tequila, life goals and homesickness

Now this may be really pretentious of me to say, but you haven't lived unless you've been in a really sketchy bar in Tokyo at 2 a.m., downing tequila shots while people chant your name.

In Tokyo, I'm living the life I will one day be telling my grandkids about, and I am madly in love with every second of it, so going to Stockholm was obviously something that was a bit dreaded. Incoming: I'm totally going to unload what's been going on the past week. Wall of text incoming!

On Christmas delays

Merry Christmas, silent readers! As you may or may not have figured out, I'm currently hanging out in Sweden, celebrating Christmas with my family, thus leading to the non-existent blogging. Have no fear though! I'll be back soon enough, and with plenty to say, so stay tuned and have a lovely Christmas.

On potatoes and bad timing

Once again, I've been shit at writing. Sorry, silent readers. It's been a pretty crazy week of me running around, desperately trying to prepare myself for my trip. There have been so many things to sort out - presents, the Tomsons, my rent money being paid... I didn't even have a suitcase. As always, my procrastinating skills are something to be admired.

On courage, knits and kitchy Christmas trees

I put up my Christmas tree today. It's hard to make a small pink tree fit in in an apartment that I'm striving to turn into a minimalist paradise, because I guess cyan pink plastic doesn't usually signify minimalism in any way, shape or form, but I like to think it kinda works. I just can't really figure out in which order I should sort my rice cooker, fruit tray and plant now that they have to compete with my plastic monstrosity (that I secretly love). Despite having absolutely zero Christmas cheer going on (since the weather here is identical to mid-October weather in Sweden and it in no way feels like Christmas yet), I kinda like having a little piece of winter wonderland hanging around.

On different kinds of hunger

People have an interesting views on relationships here in Japan. They're super casual about them in a lot of different ways, and completely confusing about them in others. It's pretty cool when they're super chill about one night stands and casual hookups, but maybe less cool when people who come to my lessons talk about going on dates and being in love with other women, despite being married. Like, it's cool if everyone's in on it, but something tells me that their wives are stuck at home, taking care of the kids, while the men hang out with women after work and have like a whole other world out there. Even the magazines that litter the break room are filled with classifieds where people are looking to cheat on their spouses. Stop it Japan, that shit ain't cute.

On dreamed lifestyles and wins

So yeah, I managed to score that other job.

I can't say I have any idea how this happened, since I felt like I crashed and burned spectacularly, given that I had nothing at all to work from in terms of material, and was thrown into a real life situation with a real client after first having gotten lost and then running all the way to the office. Great first impression there. I also managed to draw a black dot on my boob with the whiteboard pen during the lesson, that I just pulled out of my ass (the lesson, not the pen). The student seemed really serious, asking me how I would plan her lessons, and 'what textbooks I would require her to use', and I'm just sitting there like: "Shit shit shit, I want you to tell me what to do, like my other clients do in the safety of the Gaba LS", eventually just spewing out any and every random idea I had to fill a potential two hours a week, and to my great surprise, Mr. Stone River told me that she was feeling it, and that he was impressed with what he'd seen when he was sticking his head in the door. "I had this image of Gaba people being useless without their textbooks, but you proved that's not the case." Adding to that, he threw on an extra 500 yen per lesson, boosting it to Natto's rate of 2500 yen per hour, as opposed to the usual 2000. Can I just say that I'm feeling pretty psyched? Because I'm feeling pretty psyched. Scared shitless, but psyched.

On reckless sleeping

I can't seem to get out of bed lately. I'll have my clock set for like 8 or 9 a.m., but once that time rolls around it's nigh on impossible to even get my eyes to focus, and I end up going back to sleep for a few hours, still feeling more or less exhausted when I wake up. I have no idea why. Maybe I'm getting sick? I have had a crappy sore throat the past few days after all, coupled with constant headaches, but not a fever or anything. Even if I'm nervous about Christmas, I'm really appreciating the thought of time off. This year's almost over now, and it's been a seriously crazy ride. A pit stop before lap two is pretty welcome, I think.

On potatoes and aqua men

"You're so oshare!" one of my favourite from the Japanese staff said today. I was a little taken aback, since 'oshare' means 'fashionable' and 'cool-looking', and I was just wearing my usual work getup (plus glasses, funky socks and a big-ass scarf). I guess drop crotch pants make me look cool even when I'm a square. I guess that's a plus. Even in my lessen observations, the people doing them write that I 'always look professional'. I'm just happy to be able to get away with this kind of stuff - as some of you may remember, that was one of my biggest issues with this job: having to wear business attire (because I'm a terribly vain person). Just give my Fashion Pajamas and I'm good to go.