On a beautiful day of beautiful Koreans

Yesterday was quite possibly the best day I've had in a really long time. Everything was fun, I was super happy and it was just extremely rewarding to feel so amazing about everything. It really was one of those on top of the world situations. I could do anything. It was great!

Pony and I by the end of the evening.

On Girls Night Fridays

This is what I normally feel like when I get back from work, no matter how good the day has been. Today will be different though, because...

On Boy London, vanishing chicken wings and the Mongol empire

Recently I've been seeing a lot of Boy London stuff on people around Stockholm. It's one of those brands I got wind of by wading through Japanese street style blogs by the thousands, and I think the minimalist print and the casual-looking oversized shirts are the coolest thing. I want like ten of their shirts, and I want to wear them with black dropped-crotch pants and draped cardigans, or just really really skinny black jeans. These Tokyo fashionistas sure know how to do their thing.

On babies and the repulsion that comes with them

I think I may have mentioned her before on the blog, but my mom's childhood best friend's daughter, who's the same age as me (actually younger by about nine months), just had a baby. A friggin' baby. I can't even begin to relate.

Until this ceases to be the first thing I think about when thinking about babies, I should probably just go ahead and stay away from them.

On fall, colds and Christmas hysterics in September

One of the Thai women who work in the kitchen cracks me up. There had been a woman in to apply for a chef job, and we talked a little about it afterwards, to which she says: "You know, in the beginning, everything's good. Even when things are shit, they're good. Then after a while, you start seeing the flaws and start feeling like everything's wrong and sucks. Just like having a boyfriend!" But yeah, while I'm happy to have a job, I was less happy with the fact that a million people all seemed to want to invade the restaurant today. It's like they all got their calendars mixed up and thought it was Thursday or something - it's never that busy on a Monday. At least 60% of the people came all at once, which led to a slight chaos in who was having what and when, and I probably lost out on some tips by being a little slow and a lot stressed, like juggling under water when you know there's a shark around. Still, I didn't do bad, but it wasn't one of my better days. I do a lot better when I have the opportunity to make small talk and seem charming, as opposed to rushing and looking apologetic.

...or me, because you know, polite Canadian and all that. Also it's an effective way to defuse situations - look horrified and apologize profusely and people will feel bad and go easy on you, feeling like they're the ones who caused a ruckus. Win-win.

On other peoples' parents and acting like I'm not panicking on the inside

So yeah, last night. Parent night. The night of first impressions. I think 'awkward' is a sufficient word to sum up the experience.

On the fight/flight instinct

Do you guys ever do stuff and then sit back and wonder "Wait, why the fuck did I sign up for this?" You do things that really don't make much sense, and you can't really say why you did them. Like me hanging out with my ex's little sister when she was in town yesterday.

My first, not so brave, instinct.

My ex was a horrible fucking bastard, and I've been avoiding most things that have anything to do with him, not so much because of any feels still related, but because it's just not worth my time. I'd kept his sister as a friend on facebook and done the things expected of internet acquaintances - wishing each other a happy birthday and feeling compelled to have a short and awkward chat conversation every once in a blue moon. Suddenly she tells me that she's coming to Stockholm to celebrate her birthday, and asks if we can hang out, and for some inexplicable reason I find myself saying 'Yeah, sure, sounds great', and while the day in and of itself wasn't bad and I can't say I was having a bad time really, it felt a little stiff and contrived and there wasn't a whole lot to talk about.

On being both a dick and a nice person simultaneously

Japanese waitress Mafune told me when we started work yesterday that she was so glad that I'd answered the work phone when she'd called on Thursday to check her schedule. "I was scared you might've quit! We have a hard time holding on to good people", making my ego swell so hard my head nearly burst. It's nice to be liked, but it's nicer to be liked by someone who you respect and who's good at her job and respected by her other co-workers. It's even nicer to not only be liked, but to be perceived as being a good worker. So many good things!


The restaurant was insanely busy last night. It turned out to be the busiest night all year, and the only time I've wanted to hide in the kitchen and burst into tears since I started. It was unbelievably stressful, and people kept pouring in both for takeaway and to be seated. I kept trying to keep my head in the game, bringing people their drinks and pre-order miso soup, but things kept piling on, and I swear that if Mafune hadn't been there, I would've cut my losses and run away. Shit was intense.

"So this is how I die. At a restaurant, at the hands of hungry people," went through my head a very unpleasing number of times.

On hair dreams

I don't know if it's from all the manga I've been reading lately, or from seeing gifs from New Girl (or my slightly embarrassing obsession with Zooey Deschanel in general), or not being completely happy with my new haircut, but I've been wishing I had long hair for the past week. It goes from everything from a cute bob to wishing I had Sawako from Kimi ni Todoke's long, straight hair with bangs. I've always been jealous of her hair but I haven't had the patience for long hair since my mom made me keep it long when I was a kid. Chopped it all off at age ten and haven't had it all that much further past my shoulders since.

I mean, just look at all of that adorable!

On awkward moments and adorable old people

"I didn't really want to tell you about it before but... well, you signed the contract so you're ours now!" Shan exclaimed while telling me about the slightly sketchy stuff that goes on at work. Nothing unsafe or unsanitary of course, but it still felt a little bit like I was being let in on this big covert operation. I'm one of them now. The restaurant crew. Not the coolest of gangs if we're talking street cred or influence I guess, but I kinda like it. I was given roasted marshmallows by one of the female cooks yesterday. I felt accepted.

Marshmallows of friendship.

On waiting and friend-making

I'm now officially signed at my work, with a contract that runs until March 2nd. I came home last night and Pony asked me how I felt about it. I don't know, honestly. On one hand I feel massively disappointed in the fact that I won't be going to Japan yet for a while, yet on the other hand I'm acutely aware that I'm broke and unprepared for it. Maybe this extra time will help me save. I mean, I'm already saving all my tips in a secret location, watching them grow every day but I need more, obviously.

On dramatic rain and life being a movie

Yesterday turned into the official first day of fall, in that the temperature dropped like a stone and it rained all day. Seriously poured. I like rain, except that it makes everything so damn cold, but I like walking around in it. I hardly ever bring an umbrella anywhere. I don't really see the point. Everything will dry eventually, and it's kinda dramatic in a way to look soaked. It's like something really important or life-changing has happened.

On unexpected friendships and being mistaken for a boy

My attempt at girl love yesterday turned out far better than I thought it would when I ended up having a pretty nice time with the Swedish girl. She even said that she enjoyed working with me and that it was like I'd worked there forever, so I feel accepted. Whenever I caught myself freaking out I managed to calm myself down and remind myself that it was just work, the same work I do every day, and that just because another person is there doing the exact same amount of work as I am, it doesn't change a thing. And you know what, it worked out just fine, and I ended up feeling really good about stuff.

My face when I make friends with the Swedish girl unexpectedly.

On girl on girl competition

Fighting at restaurants may be the most tacky thing on the planet. Seriously, don't be that couple holding heated debates as quietly as possible in the outdoor serving area. You're not as discrete as you want to be. It took 20 minutes of me awkwardly circling them to even get them to give me their order. And suddenly, like magic, they were all peachy and nice, commenting on how happy I looked and asking how I was and saying how extremely much I looked like the guy's ex. A dubious compliment if I ever got one. The whole thing was surreal.

On dreams of interiors incompatible with my personality

I woke up this morning and threw myself straight into the boring TEFL-task I'd been dreading completing for the longest time. I've been so slow with everything TEFL-related these past few weeks, really since Yanyan came to Stockholm. He asked me the other day how my Japanese job search was going, and I immediately felt guilty for not having done more. A good thing about working for a bit, apart from making money, is that now T has made plans to come visit me in December, but it feels a little like that's where the perks end and I get disappointed at myself for not sticking to my original time plan. Obviously moving to another country is a big deal and it takes far more work than I imagined in the beginning, but I still feel a little sad that I'll be unable to keep the promise I made to myself about being out of the country at the end of the year.

On turf wars and hamsters

Yesterday marked a week since I first started working. Today will mark a week of working at the restaurant. It feels much longer, like I started a really long time ago, even though the workday goes by in a flash. I'm almost feeling a little sad that I might have to rotate at least at the other sushi place soon, as I really like this restaurant, and I seriously hope to never have to go back to the bar. The bar was scary in comparison. A couple came in asking for Karate Husband to talk about work, and it makes me feel a little like this:

Back off, bitches.

Obviously I doubt they'd waste so much time and energy on me if they didn't want me to work there, but I've yet to see any sign of a contract and I'm worried that while my hours initially are really good, they'll start cutting back on them. Not that I understand why unless I didn't do a good job, so I shouldn't worry as Shan seems to like me, but I wonder how many people they were intending to hire and I don't want anyone stepping on my turf.

On stereotypes and handling them

I'm kinda surprised at how much I enjoy work. When I started looking for work, thinking about working in the restaurant business, I figured it'd be like the other place I worked at, where I was bored out of my mind and hated my job. Little did I know when I started working where I work now that the colleagues would all be the sweetest, the customers (mostly) really friendly, and the tippers generous. I've been treated so well since I started that I've really come to have fun at work, and the six hours daily that I work fly by.

On food fairs and freakouts

I was woken up this morning at the crack of dawn (yes, 8 am is the crack of dawn on a Saturday, there are no two ways about it) by Hemingway commenting on and asking me questions about my body, weight and food habits again. Not only does it suck to be woken up early on the weekend when I have time off when I get woken up early weekday when I don't by Hemingway leaving for work, but to get woken up to the constant criticism of my body really makes me sad and upset. It culminated in "Did you even eat when I was in Hong Kong?" at which point I was pissed and yelled "No! Obviously not! And it's way too early in the morning for this shit!" and tried to go back to sleep, which of course failed. It just really wasn't an ideal morning. I was exhausted from everything going on all week, and I'd really looked forward to sleeping in.

On feeling needed and feeling happy

"If you're not working, then who is?" Shan the Sri Lankan man asked me with a smile when I asked if I was working today as well, which in part made me wonder how stretched for people they really are, in part when they'll give me a schedule, but mostly made me think of this segment from Kamikaze girls. 'Kimi jyanakute dame nan desu' - 'It has to be you'. Not that I think it was meant quite in that way, but it made me laugh a little on the inside and want to watch that movie again. I love it, it's amazing.

On Karate Husband, brain hurricanes and new G-Dragon songs

Working at the sushi restaurant yesterday was not nearly as stressful as the bar, and far more fun. I was a lot better at it too. I worked under the leadership of a man who looked kinda Indian who's been there since forever, and having 20 years of experience under his belt, he knew exactly how to train new people. I felt really welcome and ended up having a really nice time working too. Karate Husband made another Japanese guy named Bata move a sign that was hanging too low so I wouldn't hit my head on it, and I felt compelled to try to make friends, mainly because Bata apparently only speaks Japanese and I'm not sure he didn't just think I was weird. The other Japanese guy in the kitchen seemed really sweet, he made a point to say hi and bye before leaving even though I hardly saw him while working. The really sweet woman who interviewed me showed up and even dissed the previous suffix -san for the less formal and infinitely more cute -chan, and I felt happily accepted. I'm going back in today after Karate Husband (who's taken to only speak Japanese with me) looked me straight in the eyes and said "Tomorrow. The same." and there's nothing to be done except squeak "Hai!". I'll have to meet up with Sand and the gang later.

Karate Husband's word is law.

On work and running like a crazy person

Oh god, yesterday was brutal. Brutal in the not-terrible-way, it's not like I wanted to go home and cry, but I was exhausted once I got off work.

"What's this?" I hear you gasp. "Work? Aren't you unemployed?" Well, technically, yes - I'm still unemployed. Then again, I had my interview yesterday with a cute middle-aged Japanese woman who was extremely kind when I was extremely nervous. I got lost on the way there, mainly because she'd just described where the place was in terms of what was around it, while not giving the actual address, and also because she hadn't mentioned what kind of place it was so I didn't know what to look for. It ended up being a bar/café/restaurant that served Swedish food. Who would've guessed?

On watching Project Runway obsessively, S12E7

This week's episode actually featured an actual fashion challenge - a trip to Marie Claire's office and their shoe department. None of this 'glamping' or unconventional challenges bullshit either. The designers got to chose a shoe to be inspired by (after showing surprisingly poor knowledge of fashion history), and it was like being back to one of the older seasons of Project Runway - real fashion challenges based off, well, real fashion.

Boring.

 The internet seemed to be overflowing with love for Helen's look, but I can't say I was all that impressed. I mean, a simple princess-seamed little black dress with an arguably cool cape, it wasn't my thing at all. I really don't like the shoes either. What's the deal with pointed toes anyways? They make your feet look enormous. Pony figured that it probably had lots of well-sewed details that wouldn't show up on TV, and I can understand that. I'm just kinda underwhelmed, that's all.

On double standards and jeans

Hemingway came back from Hungary last night with this worried look on his face, exclaiming "You're so thin! You've gotten so thin!" which I find a little frustrating. Why's everyone up in my business about food all of a sudden? I seriously doubt I've changed significantly in body shape in the three days he's been gone. It just doesn't work that way. Pony stepped in, ensuring that I actually do eat. "I've seen her!" and I feel like I'm being monitored for everything I put in my mouth. I hate feeling like I'm under scrutiny for my food habits.

On packing and pronounciation

Pony's moving out of the apartment on Tuesday, to another smaller apartment about a block or so away, because of personal issues with G. They're not breaking up or anything, but some time apart will be good for both of them I guess. Still, it'll feel weird not having her here all the time. Sure, she'll be here most of the time, but I feel a little odd about living her with just G and later possibly a third party. I'm not sure I want that third party, I'm seldom comfortable with people I don't know very well, or who don't know our apartment routines (or lack thereof).

Will they enjoy blanket forts and Community marathons?

On food and food talks

Pony cornered me in the kitchen and told me that I'd been losing a lot of weight during the summer, and that coupled with my complaining that Hemingway feeds me too much has made her worried that I was falling off the wagon with my eating habits. I assured her that I wasn't, saying I didn't feel like I was sick at all. "I believe you, but see, that's the thing. That's exactly what you would say if you were sick as well."


I hate to worry anyone, especially someone with so much on her plate as Pony. Granted, we have very different bodies - hers refuses to function unless it's given a lot of fuel and she's hungry a lot, while I can easily forget to eat if I don't make a conscious effort and still feel fine for quite a long time. When I moved into the apartment I was at the largest I ever have been (which wasn't big, but definitely more curvy due to being on the pill than I have ever been without) and my slimming down makes me look pretty different in comparison to what I did then, but I still feel it's important to treat her concerns seriously.