On watching Project Runway obsessively, S11E3

Here we go again.

This week it was up to the designers to design a dress for Heidi Klum to wear for a commercial for her new perfume, and also press release meetings and the like. Does everyone and their dog have a perfume line nowadays? How little does it take to spit out fancy-smelling water? Anywho, the designers all nearly peed themselves like an overly excited Chihuahua, which surprises me since this happens practically every single season. It's not a magical first to be designing something for Heidi. I could do it easy. You want to know how? Short and tight. Or at least leggy. But a lot of body and a whooole lotta leg. If you can do that, you're all set for the top.

"Hi, I m a model and my waist is for real thinner than my face."

So, the noteworthy ones of this week, starting with the giggly Tihi!-girls (Layana and Katelyn). My favourite part about this was during the critique when Katelyn happily exclaimed that she was glad to get to showcase her talents in a dress that was "so totally her" and Layana looked like she was going to punch her in the face. Guess she got back at her by moaning about why anyone would ever want to work with pink. Drama - giggles - drama - giggles -I can't stand it. Apart from that, totally a Heidi-dress, but Jesus Christ monkey balls Katelyn, when asked why you should win don't tell the judges that it'd make your mom happy or whatever. It was just cringe-worthy. The judges aren't there to gush about you to your mom. Own the fact that you made something halfway decent instead.

Moving on to the always happy mustachioed Daniel (now known as Mustachio! in our household).

Another Heidi-dress done right.

I liked this so much better on TV than in pictures. Here it kinda looks like a banana. A great banana, but a banana all the same. Solid though. This guy's good. And I'm hella glad he stole the victory away from this monstrosity:

This triggered my gag reflex.

I was so sure the judges were going to hate this. I relished the thought. But when they all started talking about how cool and trendy it was I began looking around the judging area for a fucking crack pipe.

My face when it made top three.

It's unwearable. It's hideous. It looks crafty and cheap. The mesh is horrible, the gold is tacky, and don't even get me started on the weird pink square vest. Native American lady wins no points with me. I saw this on the runway and thought "Hm, that looks strangely familiar."

Wait a minute...

Hi, Sonjia's dress from the avant garde-challenge in season 10, fancy seeing you here.

Green and without the slit, but come on guys.

 Also Tu, honey, you need to get on the winning team. My heart breaks a little every time I see you freaking out about your team being in the bottom.

Kinda liked this one.

On to the bad then. Mr Uhm, or Richard as I've since learned, what the fuck was this?

"Bwak bwak!"

Why did you makes an ostrich dress out of the same horrible fabric that Ivy used to make her 20's inspired dress in Project Runway All-Stars? I didn't like it then,

It's just... no.

I'm still not feeling it now, and that butt-enhancing thing is just ridiculous. How did people not tell you to edit that? It's terrible.

I love how Mat tried to whine his way out of this by saying he wasn't a dressmaker. Why did you apply for Project Runway if you don't make dresses? Do you have any idea how many dresses you're expected to barf out on Project Runway? Have you ever seen the show?

Lemme just get those bunny ears for ya.

I cringed.

Another cringe-worthy one was Ben.

I... I just don t know what to say.

Now I like Ben. I mean, I want to like Ben. Typical halo effect thing I'm sure - I like his personal style and I think he has an adorable accent (and great hair), but I've yet to like anything he's put out there. Like at all. I'm beginning to wonder if I should. You need to shape up or ship out, because even if I feel for you, you've gotta be able to deliver. This is not delivering. Also, now that I think of it, I'm sure I've seen it before too.

Yup, that s where.

Thankfully, the judges gave him a second chance and sent the tiny funeral parlor director Cindy home.

Eye bleach anyone?

 I mean, where to even start? The colour's hideous, especially on that model. Red hair and salmon pink is just ick. The fit's off, the halter top thing I don't like at all and the fabric looks like something you'd make a suit out of for a middle-aged woman. I guess that's the problem with the oldies on Project Runway generally - they design for an older audience. No-one (save Wendy Pepper in season 1 or maybe Bert in season 9) has gotten all that far in the competition and have all fallen on not being able to keep up with current trends. I mean, it can absolutely be done that an older person can make cool stuff - look at Betsy Johnson or Diane von Furstenberg, but it takes dedication to keep up with the young 'uns.

Unconventional challenge next week - always a favourite. Seems like they've let them loose in a flower shop this time. I predict at least a train wreck or two. Should be good.