On control issues and overused cliches

Went to my parents' house yesterday for a quick Easter visit. After way too much food and laziness I came back again today, and tomorrow school starts all over again. Remember that thesis I've been talking about? Yeah, it's due Friday, so let's get some work done this week, eh?

The perfect building on a perfect day.

Going through my pictures from when O and I went to Katsura last summer, I'm reminded (like I always am when it comes to my trip) of how much I actually miss Japan. It was probably the best trip of my life, and it just made total sense to go back long-term as soon as I could. It's a lot of work to get there, but I'm on my way, and while there are things that I really like about Sweden, I'd probably resent both them and myself if I didn't take the chance to go. Life's amazingly complicated sometimes. Just gotta hope that things turn out for the best anyway.
I probably have slight control issues. I don't like when I don't know where things are going or when I can't steer them. I wish things were more clear-cut, that there was a right way and a wrong way, and that if I just stuck to the rules, things would work out for me. Sadly that's just not going to happen, and I'm going to have to make decisions between grey-scale and grey-scale, between unknown and unknown, and just kinda hope for the best. It's really not the way I like to do business. Thinking about the future brings with it its own brand of anxiety, one of "What if I fuck up? What if I make the wrong decision? What if I change my mind but it's too late to take things back?" It's just plain scary. That being said, it's the same for everyone else, and no-one really has their shit together, ever (or so I've been told). There are too many variables to ever really be sure of anything I suppose.

When I complain to people that unplanned things pop up and fuck up my neat plans for life, they all go "Well, life's what happens when you're busy making other plans!" and I kinda want to tell them all to shut up with the ridiculous cliches, but I guess they're true in a way. While I hate uncertainty and not being able to predict things, that's what life's going to keep throwing my way (the bastard), so I'd better get used to it. Cut me some slack, life, geez.

As always, I don't really know what I want said by any of this. I just find typing whatever comes into my head pretty relaxing.



Been listening a lot to MGMT's song Time to Pretend lately on Spotify because it makes me both happy and sad at the same time in a nice kinda way, but man, I never would've figured their video to be like a psychedelic outtake of Flash Gordon. I like the lyrics though, it's like the soundtrack to any runaway. Wish I could run away on the back of a giant cat while wielding a bow and arrow like they do in the video though. That shit would be awesome.