On getting what I need

Today was the kind of day that let me know that I've made the right decision to quit my job. I spent it doing the things I quit my job to do - going to a lecture at school about how to start your own architecture practice, making preparations for my visa, and spending time with Knives Chau and the Puppy. I was sure, beforehand, that I'd be antsy around 3 p.m., feeling like I should head off to work, but all that really happened was that I glanced at my phone to check the time around 4 p.m. while we were at a really cozy café, before going back to the discussion of cute dog breeds that we would like to own at some point in our lives. It felt great. "You look so much happier!" Knives told me, and I really felt like I was on top of the world. I kept thinking 'I've won' on the way home. I don't really know what I've won though. Peace of mind, maybe. Whatever it is, today was everything I've wished for these past few months. I really like feeling happy.

What do I even do now? Play some video games? Take a nap? Take a bath? Paint my nails? The possibilities feel endless, and best of all: I decide for myself and answer to no-one. It's like the universe decided to reward me for making the right choices by showing me really cute and cheap shoes, and giving me 25% off my powder foundation. I like thinking that the world wants me to be happy, and that it's letting me know that I'm right for wanting to take care of myself.

Then night rolls around, and watching a movie about a man who is about to marry someone who doesn't understand him at all and instead finds a way to travel through time to experience various golden ages filled with artists and writers makes for some almost delicious melancholy. There's always another era we're longing for, no matter where and when we are. I wonder if it's something profoundly human to always feel lost and wish that you were somewhere else, doing something else, and maybe feeling if you then could make a difference or be happy or whatever it is you can't seem to really do where you are at the moment. I don't know, I'm kinda just rambling right now. I'm just wondering if it's a human drive to always look beyond what you have and want more, or if it's a sign of greed. Somehow I think the loneliness is something everyone deals with. At least I hope it's not just me.