On lazy socializing and lazy running

I may be the worst person in the world to bring to parties where I don't know anyone. It's the most awkward experience I know. Sometimes, once in a blue moon, I'll actually feel like being social and have a non-awkward time, but most nights I just stiffly clutch my beer and try to not look too self-conscious. There was a moving in party at the apartment where the Philosopher used to live where I first met him two years ago, and it felt a bit weird coming full cycle. He wasn't really feeling it either, and we were only there for a short while before going back home to drink tea and watch movies, so I tried my best. It's just kinda shitty when everyone goes "So what do you do?" and I go "Eh... nothing, actually. I do fuck all." I don't want to get into the whole Japan thing, especially not in front of the Philosopher, as enthusiasm is certainly lacking at the thought of leaving him, and the general stress of it all makes me not want to talk about it. I'm also pretty sure that I'll never see most of those people again, so I just couldn't really muster the energy to care about any of them.

These people didn't even have pets.

I didn't want to bother the Philosopher too much, as he had some people he hadn't seen in a while and was talking to (while trying to find ways to get me involved in the conversation, which was sweet but ultimately wasted effort), so I latched on to one of his police cadet friends who also looked like he was having an awkward time, and we had a discussion about how awkward things were and how hard it was to strike up conversations with strangers. Genious move, if I may say so myself. It kept me alive and entertained until it was time to leave at least. This shit's hard. I did apologize as we were leaving for being bad at parties, but he just thanked me for coming along at all, and we went back to cuddling on the couch and hanging out, which in my book beats random parties by a mile.

After I found the one translated Haruki Murakami book I didn't have (What I Talk About When I Talk About Running) at a bookstore when I went to visit my parents, they bought it for me, and as with all Murakami books, I'm hooked. Also, since the book is pretty much about him, his life and his running, it got me in the mood to start running again, because god knows I need it. Stress and sickness has left my health in shambles this spring, but now that the snow's finally cleared up, I decided it was time to hit the tracks. Obviously it wasn't so much of a good run, since I haven't run since that one day I ran in the beginning of January, and also I was distracted by how nice it was out, pausing my run a few times to poke some flowers or stick my feet in the icy ocean. I could take this as setbacks, seeing it as signs of how out of shape I am, but I'd rather just see it as me appreciating life for a change. Doing what I want to do at the pace that I want to do it doesn't necessarily have to mean that I'm lazy. I mean, I am lazy, but even lazy people need a rest sometimes too.