On the best breakfast and the birth of Box.

Blog.com's been down again, to no-one's surprise. It's always down. I really should switch platforms to something more reliable. Seriously, what do they do with their servers? Who handles them? Untrained monkeys?

blog.com s staff

Hand-in completed, and after a 14 hour sleepathon, I wake up to this.

Ah, so that' s where he put my phone.

Turn around and see this. Oooh.

...leading to the fridge...

Aww.

At this point I'm remembering the Simpsons episode where they borrow Ned Flanders' cabin and it's got post-it notes all over the place. Still, this is far better.

 

The trail goes on...

...to the kitchen chair...

...who s almost a little demanding.

But aww, look at what he did for me! <3

Best breakfast ever.

If Hemingway gets any sweeter he'll give me diabetes. Never ever been with anyone even remotely close to being this nice to me on a daily basis. A few days ago when I got back to his place at 7 am to sleep for a few hours (the three of four hours I slept in the 50 or so hours I worked this weekend. The remaining hour was spent on 20 minute power naps on my desk), he not only held me until I fell asleep, but also prepared breakfast, sent me to the shower and made sure I got to school on time.

I've worked so long and so hard, and yet I still can't shake the feeling of my project not being very good, of not having amounted to much. Kinda like I dropped the ball on the finish line, like I should've done more, and better. I'm so exhausted that just thinking of my project makes me want to break down and cry. I actually did, when I talked to mom on the phone while going home from school. The second she asked "How did your project turn out?" I broke down in uncontrollable sobbing. In front of everyone. On the trail. FML.

I think I have good ideas, I just wish that my execution was better. I feel a little ashamed, and I'm dreading showing it to everyone on Thursday. I'm dreading presenting it tomorrow. This really is the worst feeling in the world, like you're a fraud and now - now people will see through your facade and you'll be exposed for the fake you are, and it terrifies me. I really need that rest after all of this. I know this isn't what I'm supposed to feel. I don't want to be like this, I want to be happy for having completed something so daunting, but I just can't. I can't bring myself to it right now, so I need rest.

I love thinking of architectural problems though. I have projects lined up, like Hannibal's sons' preschool playground that needs rebuilding, or a house for my brother's family, or that house for my parents we've discussed for ages. I want to do all those things. I want an internship at Atelier Bow Wow, I want my own firm and I want to see something transfer from an idea in my head into something far more real. If we're talking 'fake it 'till you make it', architecture is the only think I think I know well enough to fake.

Since everything I do architecturally eventually just comes down to boxes, being the master of thinking in rational squares that I am, I was joking the other day about starting a firm called Box Architecture or something, when a friend of mine suggested I should for real. The more I think of it, the more I think "yeah, why not?" Maybe not go through the arduous task of setting up a business just yet, but just take it as my name for when I do things, slap it on my drawings. I feel a little like it's the start of something new and better, like it being a tiny chick hatching from the fires of its previous self. The Architecture Student version of me has died and come back as the New Architect version. I'm guessing this circle of rebirth will be continuous, and right now that feels pretty good. I'll start that playground proposal under Box next week, in a slow and steady pace. You're witnessing architectural history in the making, silent internet friends. I'm actually feeling rather enthusiastic about this.

I kinda wish that someone would come join me in this, journeys are less scary when you have company, but I think that starting off, Box should be a place for me to try things out and grow a little first. For now I'll let it stay small and have it grow at the same pace as I grow with it.