On bad sleeping

I slept like absolute shit last night, and tonight O and I and some other people are heading out to see Margaret Cho, and I hope I don't get cranky or fall asleep or something. I'm taking a lazy blogger's day off, but I'll be back to posting all my irrational worries tomorrow for sure. Until then, here's a taste of what I'll be seeing tonight. It's going to be awesome.

On real people turned imaginary friends

I've been really nervous about T coming over on Friday. The fact that it's now, this very Friday has me all freaked out. It's not like it's the first time ever I'm seeing him, but it is the first time in two years, and last time we saw each other it wasn't like I'd booked my trip to Japan specifically to see him. Now I feel responsible for his general happiness when he's here, which means that I feel even more bummed out about the whole going north to Kiruna thing, as well as the fact that there's not a single patch of snow out there. The past three or four years have been overflowing with snow and cold weather at this point in December, so why the hell not this year?

I wanted T to see this. If he wanted to see rain, he could have stayed in Kawagoe.

Feeling personally responsible for the weather is probably a bit on the fucked-up side of things though. I should probably try to be a bit less of a control freak.

On Monday madness

Despite it being Monday and probably not as busy as I imagined it was, I felt totally overwhelmed at work. I suddenly remembered that I needed desperately to score Wednesday off so that I can go to the Margaret Cho gig with O and some other friends, and I was freaking out because of who to ask to fill my shift. For no apparent reason I'd made up my mind that the Swedish sisters that work most weekends probably hate me and wouldn't take my shift even if I asked them. I felt terrible for not having spoken to T in a few days, since he's probably equally nervous about coming here on Friday, and I was coming down hard on myself for not being able to meet T at the airport like I promised, since he lands at 7.30 p.m. and chances are I'll probably have to stay until 8 p.m. at work to help Mafune out (whom I was also sure hated me since she let me off an hour early on Friday and took a whole bunch of my shifts for when T's here. Yeah, reading that back it doesn't make any sense to me either). T coming over at all kinda freaks me out, as we haven't seen each other in a year and a half. Lots of people came in to eat at the same time, and I constantly felt a little behind in everything I did. Mafune was there with Karate Son, giving tips and feedback on a video project he'd made, making my brain snap and finally go over the deep end. "Oh my god, I'll never be as cool as Mafune, she's like his big sister and here I am as some loner weeaboo that they sometimes talk to out of pity and oh-my-god-I-feel-like-I'm-going-to-throw-up-why-the-hell-am-I-going-to-Japan-I'll-be-so-alone-help!"

Accurate representation of my brain at the time.

On happy times

Sleeping in until 2 p.m. after a night of walks, talks and a bit more beer drinking than I was initially anticipating was absolutely glorious. Even more so when the act of sleeping in was done with something warm and soft that said "No, no, no, where are you going?" sleepily when I tried sneaking up to go to the bathroom.

I know it hasn't been long at all, but I feel like I'm falling.

On modern day concentration camps and North Korea

Continuing on the theme of slightly depressing and cheerless things that's been going on for the past few days, I spent the morning reading about North Korea and watching Camp 14, the movie about Shin Donghyuk, the man who was born in a North Korean forced labour camp and is the only one to have known to have escaped and survived to tell the world about it.

On money grabbing and time management

I got tipped by two Korean guys today, and that was even after I'd mistakenly given them warm sake instead of cold (although to be fair, I did make it on the house) and had to apologize to them for being out of the beer they wanted. The more silent of the two pulled out a twenty, put it on the little saucer we use to present bills, and went "This is for you". Is there a dignified way to take money like that? Because I always feel like it looks like I'm scrambling a little too quickly and grabbing wildly at the money when it shows up. It's probably nothing anyone has ever noticed, but striking that balance that makes you look poised yet grateful, instead of poor and/or greedy is one of those things I probably spend way too much time thinking about.

On creepy kids and internal philosophical debates

I love ghost stories, especially in the fall and winter when it gets really dark and spooky out. Whenever the days start getting shorter, my interest in the macabre grows. Horror movies, documentaries on serial killers, ghost encounter stories... they're all great when you're huddled up in your duvet and the wind is howling outside of your window. Freaky shit in general makes me happy. I don't scare easily, so that feeling of apprehension that settles in your stomach when you've just read something that gives you chills is amazing. I spent a lot of time last night and tonight reading the reddit thread titled 'What is the most disturbing thing your kid has said when talking about their 'imaginary friend'?', and man, kids are scary motherfuckers.