On parental worries

Staying with my parents is pretty OK for a while, but in the long run, it's much harder than just me taking care of myself, like I'm used to. Today my mom interrogated me on what my plans for Japan were, questioning pretty much every aspect of my going, asking whether or not I'd be able to even get a job in architecture if I was gone for so long from school. "How will you afford it?" "Are you sure you can do the work?" "What, you're just going to give up on your career?" "I thought you were going to look for architecture related jobs." "How will you even find someplace to live?" Yes, I'm the baby of the family, so obviously me relocating to the other side of the globe is causing some concern, but it would be really nice if she could treat me like the 24 year old adult I actually am and not like I'm still eight. I've thought of all her problems, and I was able to address every concern she had, but it just makes me feel like she thinks I have no idea what I'm doing, and that I'm going to end up fucking something up. It's all out of love, but I like to think that I've got this.

Clearly the Japan thing is doable, since people with less experience and less knowledge about the country, culture and language seem to be able to do it without too much difficulty. I even have a social network set up of people who are willing to help me out and hang out with me when I'm there. I've been planning this for years. I've been pretty damn responsible about it. Obviously I find the prospect pretty scary too, but it's important to me that I actually do it, and I'm mostly just looking forward to it. I was pretty upset about the conversation I'd had with my mom though, so I told Hemingway about it online, only to have him tell me (even though he admitted to being worried himself): "I trust you. You will make it."

It just made me so happy to have someone take me and what I want to do so seriously. That, and not the constant questioning, makes me feel a lot stronger and more confident to go. Things will always be scary when dealing with something so big as relocating to an entirely different country, and there's a lot of anxiety and other scary feelings involved, but if I don't do it, I'll regret it forever. I need this. I'm sure my mom doesn't mean to rain on my parade, but her worries sure don't help me feel confident in what I'm doing. That's why Hemingway's so great, and why I miss him so much when he's gone.



Life's just scary, I guess, but at least I have great allies.