On parental love and new work allies

Is my phone trying to tell me that it thinks I should stop being a loser, cleaning my aquarium, and go out and play instead?

On scales, the subconscious and sad students

In accordance to starting working out, I've been wondering if I should get scales. This might not sound like such a big deal, but it's something I've been staying away from for five years. As people who know me know, I used to have an eating disorder around the time I was 19 - I'd weigh myself once a day and the number had to be lower than the day before, even by just a little, or I'd kick the whole not-eating thing up another notch. After I'd gotten over my food obsession, I didn't get on a scale for years. I didn't want to jinx it. But now I'm wondering if it's safe to try again, or if it'll just be the gateway to new obsessions. Are former eating disorders really something you can get rid of? Are relapses really relapses, or does it just never really go away? And would it definitely mean relapse to get one, or can it be just a piece of furniture the way I want it to be? I don't feel obsessive about it now, after all. I'm thinking I should be able to handle it. I mean, it's a scale - an inanimate object with numbers on it. I think I'm enough of an adult to have it not control my life.

I mean, I say I'm an adult, but I just noticed that the shirt I'm wearing is on backwards. SO YEAH WHATEVER. I also accidentally bought cereal with a 'light chocolate flavour' instead of the bran cereal I thought I was getting. Looks like my subconscious is set on being immature for a little longer.

My subconscious, were it a pupppet.

On workouts and pig-outs

Usually, when people move to Japan, it's pretty common that they lose weight. After all, Japan has a lot of really good low-calorie foods, like sushi, and a lot of walking to keep people in shape. I, on the other hand, gained weight, probably mostly due to karaage, coffee drinks, alcohol and carbs galore. Not exactly happy about that, so when I went out on Saturday, I got myself a yoga mat. I tried out a 30 minute program that very night, and a 20 minute program the next morning, and was pretty embarrassed by how extremely weak I am. My whole body was shaking within the first ten minutes. I knew I wasn't all that strong, but to witness the full extent of my powerlessness did feel like a bit of a wakeup call.  You know what I was saying the other day about wanting to improve? Yeah, that wasn't me bullshitting. I'm actually going to attempt to find some mind-body-heart balance. Hell knows that would be a first.

The Tomsons like watching me do yoga. Not sure how I feel about that.

On colds and coziness

I used to scoff when people would tell that Tokyo was really cold in the fall and winter. Like "Shut up, I'm from the great white north, I've known cold you wouldn't even believe", but shit, this place is freezing. Why the hell is there no isolation at all in these walls? I mean, I knew they were thin, but I thought that the apartment being tiny would make up for that. Yeah, that's not the case. Come night time, this apartment can be dubbed mini-Siberia.

On image changes and autumn days

There's something about living in this country that makes me legitimately want to become a better version of myself. I put a lot of effort into things, from work to clothing, to language skills and general appearance, in a way I didn't do before, and I find myself enjoying it. I've started studying again on a daily basis. I pay all of my bills on time. I do skin care. I have the cleanest living space I've ever had (which anyone who's ever lived with me can testify to). I can keep plants alive. I change my bed linens on a weekly basis. I do laundry even when I haven't run out of underwear. I iron. I use fucking fabric softener. Is this what it's like to be a grown-up? Because... I kinda like it. Bet you never saw that coming.

(and can we just take a moment to appreciate how super hot Beenzino is in this fucking video? Like damn, boy, lemme get you some.)

On hubs and dancing

Can we all just take a moment to appreciate how amazing this song is? Sakanaction are totally awesome on their own, but when they remix their own songs, it's like a whole new level of something that just makes the pleasure centers in my brain explode. It's like an 8 minute eargasm. It's the first song they played way back when T and I went to Sonicmania, and I've been searching for it ever since in an obsessive attempt to make it mine and listen to it every day. Luckily they released a new single a few weeks ago, and there it was. Listening to it again for the first time since that night yesterday, all I could do was to once again acknowledge Ichiro Yamaguchi as God, and bow down to his brilliance.

On dates, design and day dreams

Oh silent readers,  you really are sweet when you aren't silent. Time flies, and suddenly it's been like two weeks without posting and I have no idea how that happened. Things have been... I don't know, pretty happening I guess? No worries, I'm going to clue all you dolls in. I'm not dead anyway, nor are things all terrible over here. On the contrary - about a billion things have happened, a lot of them quite pleasant, and while I was feeling kinda low about stuff there for a while, the real turning point came when one of my friends and I were chilling on my balcony, watching the clouds in the night sky, and after telling him all about how I felt given everything going on, he paused for a bit before going: "You've left your home to go live far, far away. You're doing this all by yourself, and sure, it's hard, but you're doing it. I really respect that."

In a way, that felt like what I needed to hear at the time. A local, just acknowledging that this shit is hard. I wouldn't change it for the world, seeing as I love my life here, but hearing that you're admired for your efforts was like a turning point for me. A lot of the time I feel like people I meet view me as a strange but entertaining specimen, and they can't really understand why I came to Tokyo, but in that moment it was like at least one person here gets it, and can relate. It cheered me up more than I thought it would.