On realizing that you've grown up a little

 As an appropriate Day-before-my-birthday-post, I thought I's write about how it's the little things that make you notice that you've changed as a person in the process of growing up. You've changed favourite ice cream flavours. You no longer want to drink chocolate milk with every meal. Whiskey even tastes kinda cool. It surprises me every time, although I don't know why. Every time I think back on how things were and how I used to be when I was younger I'm quite happy with where my life is. Hopefully that feeling will stay the same no matter how old I get.

When I was 16, I was your typical average gothy kid. I thought I was the shit, and for being an exotic northern foreigner in the horrible hell-hole known as Liverpool, I quite possibly was. I was cool for the first time in my life. Naturally I went for crazier and crazier looks and experimented wildly with the way I dressed and what I did with my hair (which I still do). I listened to a large variety of music trying to find anything new that would speak to me, and thus found my way into 80s goth music, and later into J-rock. I worshiped the ground that my beloved Mana-sama walked on.

"How is it that the most beautiful woman on the planet is a man?!" my friends and I would sigh to each other.

I was madly in love with Miyavi.

Although to be fair, somewhere deep inside I totally still am.

and just all in all I really tried to be as edgy and cool as I could possibly muster up the energy to be. Now, almost 8 years down the line (damn, I feel old), I've found myself comfortable with being me in a way I couldn't hope to be at 16. Ever. A lot has changed, a lot has stayed the same, and all in all I can totally recognize myself.

...which is what made this video so inadvertently hilarious.

Now Kim Jaejoong in and of himself is absolutely not what's hilarious. He's a member of the k-pop band TVXQ turned solo artist and has an amazing voice and a really cool style. Jaejoong is awesome. What's hilarious is how cool I would've found this video 8 years ago. Hell, it looks (and sounds) a lot like what I'd listen to then. They released it today. The commercial rock music (even though his singing really lifts it), the tired cliches, the fucking vampire fangs and wings... I mean really? It would've dropped my panties in the blink of an eye at 16. Now I found myself giggling at how... silly it felt (while still totally drooling over Jaejoong with no shirt. That's some good shit right there). It was like a total cash-in for the record labels as to what they felt was hip and happening right now, which along with a large dose of consumerism created this slightly cheesy interpretation of what a 'dark and edgy' music video is.

And really, I guess that's how marketing works. K-pop bands and their stars aren't marketed to 20-something career adults (even if you'd think so with their amazingly beautiful 20-something artists), but to adolescent teens and people looking to rebel. I would've rebelled the shit out of that song. The largest consumer group of this type of accessible and, honestly, rather generic pop/rock music is teens, and this song and video is there to cater to people who are now where I was then. In realizing that, I've come to reflect over how far I've come along since that time. It doesn't stop me from enjoying k-pop in general or Jaejoong specifically,

I mean, what's not to enjoy?

even if I do find the culture surrounding it to be a bit juvenile at times. I'm no longer part of the target audience, so it's to be expected. Thinking about it, I'm not sure I have a problem with not being part of a target audience anymore. Sure, not being in the 14-20 demographic makes me feel a little bit old (and maybe a little bit pervy for eagerly awaiting every new U-KISS video and giggling guiltily with my roommate Pony about how hot all those pretty young things are), but all in all, I wouldn't change me now for me at 16. While I don't have much money to do what I want with, I have creative freedom to do as I wish with my life and take it in any direction that I find interesting. That can be anything from being a serious and cool adult on day to dressing in crazy colours, dye my hair purple and playing video games all day like a kid the next. I can be whatever I want every day. So thank you, Jaejoong, for that nod from the past. And thank you, brain, for not freaking out about growing a year older tomorrow. It'll be what I make of it. It can be anything in the world.