On life

On hormones and hopes

So this week is shaping up to be the longest drumroll of my life. Two weeks ago, the boss's wife said they'd want to talk to me about my situation this week, but so far, no one has made any effort to have any kind of conversation with me. It's enormously stressful. I try to tell myself that no news is good news, and that at least they're not kicking me out, but combining this work-related anxiety with being all hormonal and period-y, I feel kinda miserable. I'm kinda doubting everything, including Turtle's real affection, because when things feel shitty, all of my logic goes straight out the window.

On stresses and stressers

Last night I was freaking out about my trip to Sweden, and decided to level with mom and ask her what her thoughts were on the matter. Now, I don't always get along with my mom, but sometimes talking to her will make some idea or other spring up. I tried explaining the whole visa issue to her, and while I'm not completely sure she understood what I meant, she suggested that I postpone my trip if it was causing me so much anxiety. "I think you need to come home and see people you love," she said. "Not just your family, but people that mean things to you. But if it's going to be a huge source of stress, it's better to opt out for now and plan it for Christmas or something." I guess that makes sense.

On fireworks, crazy times and true love

Aaand I'm back. Sorry for the delay and all, but it's been a rough ride the past couple of weeks. Working three jobs is really beginning to take its toll on me, and still not really knowing what's up with the architecture job is stressful as hell. I want that job. I want it really bad.

Anywho, in short what's been going on: The presentation of the Shibuya building went well. This, in a best case scenario, means that they'll be thinking about taking over my visa, and my days of people anxiety and fake smiles are gone (most likely to be replaced with work anxiety and deer-in-the-headlights looks). Turtle worked a whole lot and was then adorable, as Turtle tends to be. Time's ticking, and my trip back to Sweden should be happening soon, and it's stressing mee out. A friend from back home is currently in Japan, right smack dab in the middle of all my crap I've got going on. Shit's cray, y'all.

On chills

I have zero chill with this new job. Not that they're demanding a lot from me or anything, but I'm demanding a lot from myself. Before Gaba - architecture. After Gaba - architecture. The fact that the bat is kinda, well, mine makes me very invested in making sure it turns out amazing. So I sit, snivelling in my heavily air conditioned room with the curtains drawn to keep out the relentless heat, and try desperately to think of something cool (pun intended).

On kidneys and the fear of losing them

Since I got crazy sick in Shizuoka, I decided to tap out of going to the architecture office. I felt bad to have to cancel on the second week, but I was just so out of it that there was no point in me being there. I emailed them very regretfully, waiting to get yelled at or a snarky reply or any of the things I've kinda grown to expect from Gaba, but the reply just surprised the hell out of me.

"If you do not feel well, please do not push too much. /.../ Please take a rest and take care! Do you have medicine etc?? If you have any problem, let me know. We are willing to help."

I'm just so not used to it. I feel a little bit like their exotic pet or something. And this all makes me wonder why again. Why are they so damn nice? Like, are they going to try to steal my kidney?

On beaches, buildings and babies

Summer greetings, Silent readers! It's hot as balls here in Japan, but the weather is absolutely lovely. And speaking of lovely, Turtle and I just spent the most wonderful mini-trip at the Izu peninsula in Shizuoka. So if you guys are uninterested in reading about me going super mushy, consider yourself warned - serious mushiness up ahead.