On slightly off days with amazing lunch

Today is kinda shaping up to be the most awkward day ever. I've currently thrown out like half of my wardrobe onto my hallway floor, in one of those typical movie-girl "I have nothing to wear"-type rants. I'm sick of everything I own, pretty much. I get the feeling that nothing looks good here, or is weather appropriate. Somehow I think it's because I look so much different from everyone as well. I kinda want to fit in, but I can't, so I try to look cute, but their way of looking cute doesn't really correspond to my wardrobe. It sucks. It really does. It's hard to find a balance.

Who am I when I'm here? Who am I when I'm not my teacher self? What do I want to be? Who can I be? Today, what to wear on my day off has become a chore, because I don't know what's cute. At home, I always had people to go "Hey, nice outfit!" or the Philosopher to tell me I look cute, or even to just knock on G's door and go "Hey G! Cute or crazy?" and then do a little twirl. I feel like this not-having-friends-business really is undermining my confidence. 
I ended up going with something probably way too warm, but preppy enough to make me feel like I at least tried, and headed to Shinjuku to go to the Bunka Fashion Museum. It ended up being way smaller than I thought, with no permanent exhibition, but instead a temporary one about beads from around the world. I can't say I was blown away, as I'd been hoping for a large collection from different eras and somehow dreamed up a contemporary exhibition with lots of Comme des Garçons and Junya Watanabe (and I can hardly say that beads in any way, shape or form tickles my fancy), but it was a pretty nice little excursion and a nice excuse to get out of Ikebukuro for a change.

Come for the drape-y minimalism, stay for the crazy hats.

I think I'm beginning to find my way around Shinjuku a little easier, which makes me kinda happy. At least I feel less lost and self-conscious. I know that one day, if I keep at it, I'll be able to orient myself around Tokyo without too much of a hassle, and that feels crazy. Crazy good I might add. So while today may not have been the best of days, this being Swedish midsummer and all and me not really being able to get out of my own head enough to really enjoy the day as much as I could've wished I would, I'm still trudging along. It'll sort itself out in the end.

As a bonus, I just have to tell you guys about my amazing lunch.

 Maguro-don, so tuna sashimi with sweet egg roll and gari, on a bed of rice, with sides of miso soup with fried tofu, a seaweed salad, a poached egg and pickles seasonal vegetables, chilled tea for free. This costs less than a sandwich and a coffee at Starbucks, was absolutely delicious and I was super full all day. Japan and I may not always get eachother, but goddamn, I love the food here.