On the death of the Alpha Nerd

I guess being able to spend your day before work hanging around Akihabara browsing the various nerdy stores and taking in all of that otaku culture just really goes to cement my new-found position of Alpha Nerd. This is the kind of shit that would make me at twelve pretty much wet myself with excitement.

Because yay, anime!

At a conservative estimate, at least 70% of the stuff in this building can be used as wank material. No lie.

I need this ugly Snorlax doll in my life.

That being said, I didn't really receive the amount of pleasure I was hoping for. I walked around and found myself mostly disinterested. I checked out some anime stores (mostly porn), some bookstores (mostly porn) and wandered around the arcades aimlessly (only some porn), and I felt completely disillusioned. I got myself two manga books almost more out of habit than any real desire to read them, and I kinda mourned the death of my compulsive nerdiness. It felt sad. I felt sad, and I felt lonely. T has always joked about my nerdiness and teased me about Akihabara supposedly being my favourite part of the city, and I've always kinda laughed, but going there and just not feeling it at all made me realize how much I've changed in the two years since I was here last, and how strange that makes me feel.

So far, I really do love living in Japan. What confuses me is that I seem to love it for all the 'wrong' reasons. None of what I wanted to come here for to start out with has been what has given me any kind of lasting joy. I don't really know how to feel about that. Maybe it was just an off day. Maybe it doesn't even matter.