On people being the best and people being basic bitches

I'm not going to lie, living all alone in a big city isn't always easy. It gets pretty lonely when you don't really know anyone, when people just assume that you can't talk to them and you're just passing through. Not really having friends has been kinda rough for me. I don't like being lonely. I've kinda gotten used to having people around to talk to. Here, people do double-takes a lot, but I doubt it's so much for my stellar good looks (*cough*) as for the fact that I'm a good fifteen to twenty cm taller than the average girl here. It makes me pretty uncomfortable and a little self-conscious, but the real kicker isn't that people look - it's that people don't talk to me. Like ever. At least not outside of work. People in stores and restaurants say their store- and restaurant lines and not a single thing beyond that. At least up until last night, when I didn't feel like going to bed and instead went to the 24 hour convenience store down the road to get something to eat at two in the morning.

The convenience store guy was up watching the World Cup in the back room, and came rushing out when I called for his attention (because here, they leave the store wide fucking open in the middle of the night and only come out from the break room when people want to pay. True story). I apologized when he literally ran to the counter (because that's what store people do here. It makes me never want to leave), so he started talking to me about soccer and asked where I was from. Now to be fair, I'm so sick of soccer from talking about it pretty much every day at work that I might die, but I was just so happy that someone didn't act like I was a giant on the lose. He just rang me up, told me he was watching the game, chatted a little about how teams were doing, and wished me a good night. He treated me like an actual person. I thought getting excited about curtains was unusual, but getting excited about a store clerk speaking a few words to me about a subject I'm bored to death about kinda takes the cake in that respect. It kinda restored my faith in my decision to move a little bit. Maybe I can fit in and be treated like I belong. So thanks, convenience store guy. You made me feel a little better about moving.

What I however don't feel better about is the Akihabara Learning Studio. The fact that they said they were busy is pretty damn laughable. It's silent as the grave. When I showed up, there were no lessons going on. Literally. Given the wondrous schedule planning though, I most likely can't leave, as there would be no-one to take the last lesson in case some straggler would show up to this godforsaken wasteland. I don't like wasting my time, and Akihabara on Thursdays feels like the biggest time sink I've encountered since I came to Japan. This studio is bullshit, there's just no two ways about it.

Like I'm a thousand miles below sea level.

I also had my first negative evaluation recorded, which really shot me down. I think it was the HR woman who I tried to customize for, but kinda failed, and I got confused and made some rookie mistakes, because she was a goddamn ice queen. She had a stick so far upp her butt it was tickling her tonsils. Especially after the totally amazing double lesson I'd had before that, it was really hard to give her what she wanted. She didn't totally fail me, it was a two rather than a one, so at least I've got that going for me, but I felt so sad and despondent. I try really hard to get these lessons to work, but I can't please everybody. I wish I could. Most people are happy, and I mostly get a five, but it's always that one bad grade that sticks in your mind. Why is that? Why is that one person's opinion more important than the ten other people who thought I was great? Well, apart from the obvious fact that negative evaluations are bad for my work in general. I think I need some time off. Tomorrow and Saturday are my first days off work since I got here, and so far no plans. Maybe I'll just explore the neighbourhood and rest a little. I mean, I've been going at a break-neck pace since I came to this country less than four weeks ago. I feel like I've been away forever, like everything that happened in Sweden happened in another dimension or age. I think I just need some me-time.