On hair dreams

I don't know if it's from all the manga I've been reading lately, or from seeing gifs from New Girl (or my slightly embarrassing obsession with Zooey Deschanel in general), or not being completely happy with my new haircut, but I've been wishing I had long hair for the past week. It goes from everything from a cute bob to wishing I had Sawako from Kimi ni Todoke's long, straight hair with bangs. I've always been jealous of her hair but I haven't had the patience for long hair since my mom made me keep it long when I was a kid. Chopped it all off at age ten and haven't had it all that much further past my shoulders since.

I mean, just look at all of that adorable!

My hair grows at lightning speed, and I've grown out short hair before, but even then it will take about a year to probably reach shoulder level again, and I'm bored. I'm used to being able to fuck around with my hair all I want, but having finished school and working at the restaurant, I can't dye it all the colours of the rainbow anymore. Cutting my hair this time was a pretty rash decision - I had planned to let it grow, but I was bored and feeling sad so I wanted a change fast. I didn't even go to my hair-god Justin, which just goes to show that I really shouldn't let anyone else touch my hair with scissors. Ever.

Pony said that radically changing hair and stuff impulsively is generally a sign of wanting to change other things impulsively, and while I can see that  being true of my cutting my hair off last week, I don't think that wanting to repair the damage is a sign of any kind of emotional problem or whatever as much as just trying to take my hair obsession in a more rational and grown-up direction. I've been messing with my hair since I was twelve, I don't think it's a cry for help in emotional turmoil as much as just me getting bored easily and liking to change up my looks. I may not be able to bleach it to fucking shit and dye it bubblegum pink anymore, but I could try having a girly look for a while and see where that takes me. Hopefully down the road of looking more like Mary Elizabeth Winstead's character Lee from Death Proof.

At any rate, I can't afford to do anything about it right now and I should start paying people back what I owe them before spending huge amounts on hair, but it's something for me to dream about when thinking of the future, a future that might involve a little bit more cash on my part. A set of extensions would probably set me back about 2000 SEK, so it's not something I can just do light-heartedly. Pony asked me if I wouldn't rather have that money in Japan, and while that's true too, Japan's at least six months away right now. I'm not the kind of person to keep to a single hairstyle for six months. Either that or I just commit the two-three years I guesstimate it would take to grow my hair the 50-60 cm I've been looking at, and then straight perm it, because my natural hair is a fucking mess when I leave it out and straightening it by hand takes forever since it's super thick. Time to pretend to be patient and take it one step at a time.

At least it's nice to live in a world where one of your biggest complaints of the day is about your hair and not anything vaguely important. Then again, I was joking about that mindset with a transgender friend of mine, how you're not allowed to find things in your life annoying or difficult if someone has worse problems (the typical "How can you complain about the bus being late when there are kids starving in Africa?!"-kind of martyrdom that I hate with a passion). "'I'm transgender, so you're not allowed to find walking up stairs a pain in the ass!' I might say, but then someone can come by and say 'You're not allowed to think it sucks to be transgendered, some people actually have AIDS!', to whom another person can come by and say 'You're not allowed to think your AIDS is problematic, considering that some people are dead!'"