On the fight/flight instinct

Do you guys ever do stuff and then sit back and wonder "Wait, why the fuck did I sign up for this?" You do things that really don't make much sense, and you can't really say why you did them. Like me hanging out with my ex's little sister when she was in town yesterday.

My first, not so brave, instinct.

My ex was a horrible fucking bastard, and I've been avoiding most things that have anything to do with him, not so much because of any feels still related, but because it's just not worth my time. I'd kept his sister as a friend on facebook and done the things expected of internet acquaintances - wishing each other a happy birthday and feeling compelled to have a short and awkward chat conversation every once in a blue moon. Suddenly she tells me that she's coming to Stockholm to celebrate her birthday, and asks if we can hang out, and for some inexplicable reason I find myself saying 'Yeah, sure, sounds great', and while the day in and of itself wasn't bad and I can't say I was having a bad time really, it felt a little stiff and contrived and there wasn't a whole lot to talk about.


Mostly I think I just wanted to send a message that I was not obsessing over my past relationship, and that now, more than three years down the line, I'm a perfectly fine and well-adjusted person with a rocking body and amazing hair who can hang out with breezy confidence and a complete disregard of the past. Like it or not, she represents a lot of the things that I left behind when I left Göteborg. In the face of all that, I wanted to portray no weakness.

I think I did pretty fine. Like I said before, there wasn't a whole lot of deep conversation going on, and my ex was only really brought up at one point, so I could do the whole casual-look with bravado. It was kinda a relief to leave for alcoholic strawberry milkshakes, k-pop videos and the new GTA 5 with the Puppy though. Oh, and Junsu. Always Junsu.

Hemingway's parents are in town, and I'm meeting them for the first time today for dinner, and to say that I'm freaking the fuck out is a bit of an understatement. Parents are scary. Unknown Hong Kong parents that are being introduced to a girlfriend for the first time are scary at a gargantuan level. If you don't hear from me tomorrow, I may have died from embarrassment, or crawled into some crevice somewhere to hide at some point during the evening. If things become really bad, I'll just excuse myself to go to the bathroom, crawl through the window and never be seen again. Easy.