On watching Project Runway obsessively, S12E1

It's only been like 2½ months, and I know I said I'd be angrily refusing to watch it, but like a beaten spouse I'm back again. Project Runway, you may be terribly gimmicky and stuff, but I've gotta hand it to you - you know your target audience will never abandon you. Although to Project Runway's defense, I've gotta say that the changes implemented don't seem half-bad. Having the judges actually be able to look at the clothes up close, as well as Tim Gunn sticking around during judging is pretty neat. O had come over to hang out for a bit, and we roped him into watching too, which ended up being really nice.

Anywho, they started off with a relatively conventional unconventional challenge, making something out of the fabrics from parachutes, and while that's fine in and of itself, it's always boring when there's real fabric involved in the unconventional rather than proper unconventional things. That being said, people did make some pretty neat stuff, but there were also several "the fuck?" moments, and plenty of people I just wanted to punch in the face. There are also no cute Asians in this season, so that's a bit disappointing, but I'll try to live with it. Zac Posen is still there, to Pony's great joy ("He looks like such a well-dressed and handsome dandy until he opens his mouth in that cooky smile with all those crooked teeth and it's just so cute!"), and he seems to have decided to really take an active part in critiques and not just be nice like he was the entire first half of last season, so that's always cool. I kinda like him, he seems rational as opposed to pretty much every other judge up there (apart from Tim Gunn of course. Tim Gunn can do no wrong).

This had a really neat flow.

Bradon with the enormous eyes won this first challenge with a dress that really utilized the way the fabric flows in a really interesting way. I'm not crazy about the strings, but the rest looks pretty solid. I've gotta say though, it makes me think of the popsicles I used to eat as a kid so much.

Fashion makes me hungry.

Best styling for sure.

Sue with the crazy 90's hair made a really interesting dress, but where it all really came together was in the styling. The hair and the accessories were awesome.

Party secretary?

I didn't really get why everyone was jumping at the thought of this outfit, seeing as Miranda blatantly ignored the challenge rules by making her outfit mostly out of fabric that didn't actually come from the parachute. The shoulder flaps also look pretty damn weird, not to mention the hair, and while I love cropped tops, I'm kinda over them at this point. They're just so done.

This was dubbed 'The Chicken Dress' by Pony.

I don't get why everyone was so intimidated by Kate, saying how she was portrayed as a bitch on the last season. I always figured she was one of the non-bitchy ones. She did come across a wee bit crazy when she threw herself at the yellow parachute on the ground. That being said, I think the yellow worked wonders in creating a really cute dress, and I don't get how she wasn't in the top for this. Pony on the other hand thought that the yellow made her think too much of chickens and Easter, and that she didn't seem all too convinced. Ah well, we can't always agree.

Straight out of Weekday.

Representing Sweden, there's Alexandria, the bitchy rude one. She dresses pretty damn awesome though, and all three of us really liked this cyber dress and couldn't understand why this didn't end up in the top either. She needs to dial back the attitude though, and maybe smile a little, because she has this look on her face where she purses her lips and looks like there's something that smells like shit perched right under her nose at all times. The layering of the parachute material was genious though.

There's just too much going on with those pants.

Jeremy-the-Brit took a cool alternative route and crafted some pants, that seem to fit rather fine. That being said, there's just way too much going on with them, and I can't help but wish they were skinny pants. The way they almost fit like mom-jeans makes me sad.

Why do I think of shellfish?

I'm not going to bitch too much about Ken's, because I think it ended up looking pretty neat. The colour scheme kinda throws me off a little, but generally it's not a bad dress and it fits the model just fine.

As Sherlock would say: "A frankly alarming shade of pink."

Justin, the deaf guy, made a perfectly fine, albeit boring, retro dress in the pinkest of pink he could find. I'm not crazy about the weird tie-looking addition, and the way parts of it hang is just... odd. I don't know. Not my favourite, although Pony did like it.

Because windbreakers are so fashion.

While I appreciate the craftsmanship in Dom's look, I just can't get over how extremely cheap it looks. The jacket especially makes me think of some cheap windbreaker you'd pick up at a sporting goods store, like a track jacket or something. The skirt was interesting with the colour blocking though, so it's going to be interesting to see what she can pull out.

Both parts bad in different ways.

An overworked skirt and an underworked top - Kahindo's look was boring.

A shapeless bag.

 Karen's dress kinda had the potential to be cool, but it's half-assedness got in the way. The colours are cool and the colour blocking solid, but the neckline is terrible, and the shape of the thing is just wrong. If she wanted over-sized, she should've made it even bigger to really drive the point in. Otherwise she should've nipped it in the waist to at least create some kind of shape. Now it's just terrible.

"Hi, I have no shoulders and I'm shaped like a bottle."

Funny thing about this is that I don't remember it being half-bad going down the runway. Looking back at it like this, it's clear that Alexander made a dress that conceptually seemed fine, but fit issues and those weird shoulder things just fucked it up entirely. The way it's riding up like that... ugh. I like the colours though, I've gotta say that.

I just... no.

Pony liked this, but I really didn't like the weird stained glass window-like effect that this had. All that wrinkling just made it look strange to me. It was an OK attempt, but Helen just isn't winning any points with me yet.

Eww. Just eww.

Russian Freddy Mercury-lookalike Sandro with the weird newspaper pants made some sort of... romper? Bathing suit? Anyway, it left far less to the imagination than any of us would've hoped, and the black box that followed whenever they'd film it at all just cracked all of us up. The fit was just so amazingly bad, and it makes me wonder how, if a model that's quite thin can't wear it, a guy like Sandro could ever hope to wear clothes that fit, well... anyone? That styling is off-the-walls bad as well, way too much of everything.

Oh the hilarity.

Oh dear god.

I don't think I've ever wanted to punch anyone in the face as much as I wanted to punch Timothy, the most hypocritical, pretentious hippie I've ever laid eyes on. Come on, he doesn't use a sewing machine because of electricity? Surely the amount of man hours you'd have to invest to create a look without using electricity would mean that you'd end up using up more electricity. He doesn't want any appliances used on the model's hair that involves electricity? He's totally against her wearing makeup at all? And Christ, that dance routine or whatever he wanted her to do down the runway as some sort of art show was pathetic, and the way he bitched when she didn't do it was just sickening. I spent most of the episode wanting to stab my ears and/or eyes whenever he'd show his hippie face to the camera. His origami inspiration about war and Hiroshima and all that was riddled with inaccuracies as well. "Like paratroopers over Hiroshima!" Yeah, you're an idiot. I love how burning the synthetic material is far less environmentally friendly than he'd like to think himself to be. Also, showing up on the runway in ridiculously high heels when you've forced your model to walk barefoot is a pretty dick move on your part. I wish they could've sent his pretentious ass back home.

Fuck you.

Poncho with an awkward hood, anyone?

So it's bye to Angela with the awkward posture, and while I'd much rather have had the environmental asshole leave, the proportions of this are crazy. If there would've been a skirt, or a short or something, it wouldn't have been as bad as it turned out in the end, but the way it was, it was just awkward.

All in all I feel like the show's trying very hard to woo me again, and so far it's kinda working out. No more of that teams bullshit. I know I said that I wasn't into watching it anymore after last time, but this shit's harder to kick than heroin, so no judging.