On rainy day bread-baking

I went out to meet Knives Chau today, and walking to the subway all I could think was "Fuck, it's hot out." I felt kinda gross by the time I reached the subway, and was cursing summer and all that it entails. "You don't like my heat?" the weather said. "Well fuck you. See how you like this!" and proceeded to rain an icy cold rain the rest of the afternoon and evening.

Knives and I took refuge at Cafe String and spent the next four hours talking about everything and anything, watching the rain, eating chocolate cake and drinking chai. We decided to go buy some wine and go to her place, where Knives baked an absolutely delicious bread with dates and cranberries which we ate with peanut butter and apple chutney while discussing life, relationships and all those messy things, sharing stuff and generally confiding while listening to really chill music and planning how she's going to furnish her apartment. Before I knew it, it was the middle of the night and we'd managed to split the whole bottle between us, but we had a really great time. One of those really nice days, despite the shitty weather.



I was a bit nervous meeting Knives, the same way I was nervous about meeting Max, since I was scared I wouldn't be able to handle talking about school without feeling terrible, but Knives has had pretty much the same reaction to school and stress as I did. Talking to her actually felt really good. Normally Pony's my go-to person to confide pretty much everything to, but since she's been gone I've felt a bit lost without having someone to really be able to talk to like that.

I've always really really liked Knives, but it's almost been a little scared allowing myself to do so, because she's so popular and just an all-around great person (even though she's never ever given me reason to doubt it. I'm just ridiculously insecure sometimes), so when she told me I was someone she trusted completely, it just made me so happy, and kinda honoured in a way. Whenever anyone tells me anything that starts with a "I've never told anyone this before, but..." it's like they're giving you something really precious to hold on to for them. I just love finding out when people feel the same way about me as I do about them. Like I've said before, it's great to have allies. It feels even better to have allies like Knives.