The more I watch Jenna Marbles, the more I feel like she's my spirit animal or something.
Last night I decided to man up and face registering my thesis project online. I've been physically unable to do it since graduating. Every time I'd even think about it I'd suffer major anxiety issues, and even now it was scary, but I took the first step and it actually makes me feel better. I mean, it's far better for my sanity long-term if I just get it over and done with, rather than having it weigh on me. I've gotten it started, and I'm going to have it all handed in and done by tonight, scout's honour, and then I'll feel good about myself.
As always when I have things that I feel that I need to mull over in my head, I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind today. God, I love that move. It depresses me to no end, but it's such a beautiful story and probably the only movie I know that I feel accurately represents human relationships. Just typing that feels kinda depressing, since the movie is, as friends of mine have described it, "90 minutes of pure anxiety and sadness" (Pony can't understand at all why I watch it so much. "It's a good movie and all, but it's just so depressing!"), but it kinda helps me think in a way. Anyways, it's helpful for me to have a movie on in the background that I know well enough to recite by heart.
I got to talk to Pony for a bit today. Both she and G are away, and I have the apartment (both comfortably and a little bit lonely) to myself, at least until Thursday when G comes back home. Having Tara around means I'm not completely alone, and that's pretty nice. She's going back to her home by the end of the week though, and will instead by replaced by Hemingway coming back early next week. This whole summer's passed by so quickly, July especially. This past year in general, everything that's been going on has just been at warp speed. Is this what life will be like? Everything zooming by at a super high pace, sometimes barely keeping up, thinking of how things will be later on and they suddenly turn out to be completely different?
Life's super complicated, and sometimes unexpected things happen, and it's hard to always know what to do. I almost never know what to do and just kinda have to play by ear and do what's right in the moment. I wish I knew more about what to do to make it as positive as possible in the long run, but at the same time, taking one day at a time is what constitutes living in the moment. Sure, I have worries like everyone else, but I really try to make the best of every day, to wake up and ask myself what I want to do that day in particular. I'm still working on allowing myself to think it's OK to sit in the shade somewhere and read a book. I've been constantly busy for three years, burning myself out the last six months, and not having a million things to do feels completely foreign, but I'm trying to teach myself that I don't have to work myself into a stupor to feel like I'm doing something meaningful.
I think it'll end up alright.
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