On watching Project Runway obsessively, S12E3

Going through my thesis project today to get it registered, I was struck by how much of an air of panic surrounded it. The written parts almost spell out "oh shit, oh shit, oh shit" and I feel a little stressed just reading them. I haven't been able to handle this is a normally-functioning human being in so long, and looking back now I understand how much of a terrible dark well of absolute despair I was by the time this project was finished, and how terrified I was of the prospect of showing it. I kinda want to go back and give myself a hug those last few days. I was probably just a tiny step away from a complete meltdown. I mean, I knew I was freaking out bad, but it's not until now when I've had the mental strength to check out my work that I really understand how bad. Now that everything's registered I feel much calmer, like I've pretty much closed the chapter on this extremely messy spring. Fuck yeah, this calls for some sick beats and a whole lot of high-fiving myself.



Anyways, I know I literally just did last week's episode of Project Runway the day yesterday, but I haven't been able to do this shit without Pony around. We always watch it together, watching it on my own to then comment on it just feels wrong, so we pulled a two episode marathon yesterday. Does two count as a marathon? When does binge-watching turn bad? Also, today's the day Hemingway's coming home, and I'll probably not have much time or opportunity to write anything more in-depth later tonight, so you'll all just have to make do. It'll be worth it though, promise.
Anywho, this week's episode was just so horribly awkward though, like the worst example of product placement in the history of the universe. Seriously, I can't believe Yoplait thought it was a good idea to tie their name to this episode of complete bat-shit crazy. I mean, I can't even buy Yoplait here, but if I could, I sure as hell wouldn't buy anything that seems to turn everyone affected into a psychotic idiot. And the way they did it, by pimping out the designers to give out free samples and have them collect words of way exaggerated praise, plastering them all over the screen in terrible fonts. Ew. Just ew.

Even Tim Gunn can't handle this shit.

Another unconventional challenge everyone. Seriously, two of three challenges so far have been unconventional. It's just odd, normally there's one of these a season, but this is just pushing it. Coney Island carnival theme stuff was just the thing needed to make everything potentially tacky as fuck, and those designers sure delivered.

To quote Abed: Cool. Cool, cool, cool.

Helen and Kate managed to hammer out something pretty awesome using sombreros. I'm not completely on board with them winning, because some issues around the middle and the top of it being just straight up uncomfortable looking, but it was still a job well done. I think it's hilarious how they tried to play up the whole "Oh my god, Helen thought Kate was a bitch!" (which I really don't get. When was Kate ever a bitch? I only remember her being competent and nice to Tu), which totally didn't work since they ended up being cute to each other. Cool concept anyways.

Yay for Japanese street style!

This should've won. Hands down, no questions asked. When Pony and I saw this Domo-kun clone we both went "SQUEE!" and "I WANT ONE!". I see Domo-kun shirts being sewn in the apartment in a near future. I love the Japanese street style reference and would wear the shit out of that outfit, hair, makeup and all. Alexandria and Dom really knocked it out of the park, and I'm starting to feel that the bitchy Swede might have a taste I can relate to. It'll be worth keeping my eye on her for sure.

Not bad, not great.

I think I let Jeremy and Ken's skate by on the fact that those pants were really cool. I mean, they look great for being made of plastic aliens or whatever. Then again, it doesn't really go with the top at all, but considering the craftsmanship that went into making this outfit, I kinda forgave the fact that the pieces went with each other in a pretty questionable way.

Middle school couture.

Pony and I took one look at Freddy Mercury-lookalike Sandro and Sue's outfit before being overcome by the realization that it looks just like stuff we both used to sew in middle- and high school, not so much in the terrible fabric choices, but in the way it's just hanging all over the place. Ew. Just ew. Also, Sandro was being a total ass-hat and Sue a pushover, which was so tiring to watch. Get it together, people. Quit all the drama.

What is up with those cancerous-looking growths?

Your model shouldn't look like this, boys and girls.

This was just really weird. Those growths on her side and shoulder just made me think of the zombies from The Last Of Us, and let me just tell you that having your outfit likened to a zombie suffering from a fungal outbreak of eww isn't what you want to do in a competition like this one. We were a bit stumped as to how this skated by the judges without a comment, as it's pretty damn gross. The way they used the blue plastic to create texture was pretty cool though, there's always that. I mean, the outfit looked fine if you covered the top right and bottom left corners, but seriously, so many of these designers need to learn to edit. I miss the days of little minimalist perfectionist Olivier Green. He was a little bitch sometimes on the show, especially when it came to working with women who weren't size 2-4 models, but he knew how to edit things down to the bare essentials, and I loved him for it. Yay minimalism!

 

Oh dear god.

Alexander and Justin went totally off the deep end with this outfit. It's completely cringe-worthy. There's a million things wrong with it, mostly being over-designed, but the styling is also terrible. She looks like some weird kind of hobo mermaid.

Feast your eyes on this disaster.

Oh my god you guys, unicorn boy made me want to go bang my head against the wall. I've never seen anyone so emotionally immature ever. Working with Miranda is probably not all that easy, but to constantly demand that everyone gives him all those hugs and words of encouragement just makes him disgustingly needy. Miranda was a bitch, but the way you were moping about it was just embarrassing. You're in a competition, not group therapy. Get it together. And, like Pony said, for him to hug his model excessively like that is just straight up inappropriate. Their look wasn't the worst, but they were the worst, and the elimination was much needed. He had it coming.

The dress though, it was pretty damn gross. I mean, I totally relate to Zac Posen saying it looked like a deflated life vest, but why didn't anyone mention that shit going on in the chest area? "Bunny ears," Pony said. "90's alien eyes," I said. Nothing you'd want on your tits anyway, ew. When they showed the concept sketch in the beginning, I went "Wait, no pencil skirts? No identical outfit? Miranda, what's wrong?" and Pony high-fived me and went "I've missed you, bitch". I've missed being a snarky bitch about this stuff, it's great. Anywho, that dress was an atrocity. It totally looked like a cosplay outfit. Those glasses were just another terrible 90's reminder. You guys remember back in the day, when people would wear those ugly fucking sunglasses on their head as some sort of fashion accessory, rain or shine? Yeah, well I didn't need more reasons to really dislike this outfit. Pony and I high-fived each other happily when his whiny ass was gone from the competition.

With the delusional five year old man in a 20-something man's body who believes that unicorns are real out of the way, it'll be interesting to see what kind of real competition we can get out of this season. I was just disappointed when I saw how gimmicky it all was. I was very aware of product placement before, what with L'Oreal shoving their product down everyone's throats and the hair- and makeup team sounding like they were spokespeople for TV shop, but this just took it to a whole other level of tacky and terrible. It's sad really, once upon a time this was a competition about design, whereas now it just feels like a big ad and a whole bunch of drama. Granted, so far this season has seriously outweighed everything about last season, but I can't shake the feeling that it's a bit like beating a dead horse. The Project Runway I knew and loved might just be dead and gone. I don't like the thought of that.