On babies, bucks and being supported

Baby Bighead and sister, masters of noise and stench.

I went to my parents' house yesterday for a quick 24 hour visit. My sister K was there with her two toddlers, which meant headaches and mental exhaustion from beginning to end pretty much. I can't stand kids, I really notice that now. I keep wanting to run and hide. Baby Bighead and I get along OK, but far less OK when he kept waking me up at night by screaming bloody murder, or pooping poops smelly enough to be classified as chemical warfare by the Geneva Protocol. Pony was telling me the other day about G's architect aunt, who apparently has a beautiful house with plants and designer furniture instead of kids, and it's just the most appealing thing in the world to me right now. Fuck smelly diapers, I want Eames chairs.

I want this.

Dad bought me a really cute shirt while out browsing yesterday, which I in the rush to get to the train promptly forgot in my parents' kitchen. I'd already begun planning my Berlin outfits around it, but now I need new strategies. I sure hope I have time for laundry... My room's littered with more or less clean clothes all over the place, and I'm in one of those whiny "I have nothing to wear!" moods. I'll solve it by scrounging through the others closets, that generally works. I'm mad at myself for forgetting though. It would've looked super cute! Maybe I'll find something equally adorable in Berlin, who knows.

Losing a central piece really fucks up the theme though. Do I keep steering for preppy fall? 60's androgyny? Rocker chic? Adorable or cool? This is the problem with traveling, you need to decide your mood beforehand and just commit to it when you're there. No deciding to go artsy hardcore when all you've got in your suitcase is kittens and rainbows.

I don't know how much I'll be able to update from the road, but at the very least you'll get a very thorough report on Monday. I really hope we'll have as good a time as I'm imagining we will. Dad told me not to worry about my money issues or the trip being on Hemingway for now. "You've made do on so little before. We all know you stretch as far as you can go. Right now, you're doing all you can and no-one thinks it's not enough. Just enjoy yourself and try to accept others' kindness graciously." People really have been kind after all, not just Hemingway. My friends really are the best.

Mom started talking to me about Japan last night, suggesting that she goes with me when I move for a week or so to help me get in order, and I actually felt really positive about it. I don't know how much practical help she'll be, as she can't speak a word of Japanese, but as a safety net who can be there for emotional support I think she'll be great. My parents have moved around so much, they know the ropes and what's important to consider. Mom and I don't always get along, but if she'd come along and help me pick out the right rice cooker or whatever and making sure I don't freak out about my first day at work, I kinda think it's nice.

Or help me set up something like this.

I haven't reflected that much about how absolutely terrified I'll most likely be. Excited and freaked out, all in one lovely bunch of nerves. It's so much closer now than it's ever been, and people are taking it far more seriously than before. It's happening. It's finally happening. To say that I'm psyched is the understatement of the century.