On stresses and stressers

Last night I was freaking out about my trip to Sweden, and decided to level with mom and ask her what her thoughts were on the matter. Now, I don't always get along with my mom, but sometimes talking to her will make some idea or other spring up. I tried explaining the whole visa issue to her, and while I'm not completely sure she understood what I meant, she suggested that I postpone my trip if it was causing me so much anxiety. "I think you need to come home and see people you love," she said. "Not just your family, but people that mean things to you. But if it's going to be a huge source of stress, it's better to opt out for now and plan it for Christmas or something." I guess that makes sense.

On flickering lights

Accidentally pressing the button to the wrong floor today had me almost stepping out into a darkened hallway with flickering lights. Thanks, but I'd rather not be chased around and ultimately killed by Pyramid head if that's all the same to you.

On trade ups

Yesterday Birdie came to me, saying: "I just started talking to the hottest guy on Tinder," showing me a picture that made my blood freeze. It was this guy I met over Tinder myself once, who (without going into too much detail) turned out to be kinda sociopathic and a total narcissist/alround scary dude. I obviously told her all about it, and now we're concocting an elaborate plan for revenge, but it kept me kinda off balance for part of the day. That all disappeared when reaching Turtle's house. You guys know why?

"I bought you this hamper you can put your work clothes in while you're here!"

"I put your headphones away for you while you were in the shower!"

Could the guy be any more lovable?

On being a person and being a pawn

There are some things I really love about dating Turtle, but my favourite thing is probably the fact that he treats me like a real person. He doesn't project what he thinks I am or this idea of what he wants me to be. If I'm angry at him, he doesn't get angry at me for being angry. If I'm sad, he won't tell me to lighten up or that I'm being silly to feel the way I do. I've never felt him get jealous about anything, or demand that I change in any way. When he teaches me to play his favourite games, he doesn't just go "A is regular attack, B is special attack - let's go", he devotes half an hour to teach me all of the secret, special moves and when to use them. He legitimately cares about my friends, anything I'm facing at the moment, and ultimately - me.

Not to mention the fact that he has the best shampoo-conditioner combo ever in his shower. That shit does magic for my hair.

On gold stars and impatience

Some students really know how to get on my good side. When describing people today, one of my students said: "You have brown hair... and brown eyes... and a nice smile."

I like people who know that flattery is the way to my heart. Gold star for you, young sir.

On the anger and confusion of somehow living in the middle of a rom-com

Fuck my rom-com life.

No really, fuck it right in the ass. It's like everything played out according to something Kate Hudson would star in - first half is quirky and fun and everything is just... rom-comy I guess? And then the big turn happens in the middle, that defining fight, and I have no idea what to do. It's like I'm living 500 Days of Summer, depressing The Smiths soundtrack and all.

On karaoke, police and text messages

You know how people say "Last night was crazy!" when they're talking about nights out, I'm pretty sure I still win in terms of craziness. Don't believe me? Try going out with Birdie and her boyfriend. We hit a karaoke place until 4 in the morning, at which point they had this screaming/crying match in the hallway and police were called to the scene. Luckily it wasn't serious and everyone was alright, nobody dragged off to sober up in a holding cell or anything, but it made for a pretty awkward end to the evening.

On life as short stories

Good evening, Silent Readers! Bet you thought I wasn't going to stay true to my word and tell you about what's been going on? Well think again bitches. It's kinda late and I'm all wrapped up ready for bed, so they're going to be fairly short anecdotes without much coherence. Think of it as my life in short stories, or like me hastily going through a photo album while we're waiting for dinner to finish cooking on the stove.

On complicated starts and complicated relations

See, I told you guys I'd be back, right? I didn't really think it would take all this long, but here I am. It's June, I've gotten my visa renewed after a lot of stress and worrying, and I'm on what T calls my 'season two'. All in all, things feel pretty good. Right now, in this very moment as I'm typing, things are less great. Nothing serious, just my air conditioner breaking down, period cramps and a side of hangover-induced loneliness, that's about it.

There have been some pretty big changes in these three months that I've been AFK. The biggest by far is Turtle. "Who the hell is Turtle?", I hear you say, "and what the hell is up with his shitty nickname?"

So, lemme break it down to you.

On hunts and deciding Pony Day

Hey peeps! February doesn't seem to be much for a month of posting. There are some stuff going on, but mostly I think everything feels kinda routine. This morning I found out that someone that was in my initial certification group at work was offered a teaching position at Waseda, while I'm slaving away at Gaba, and that makes me feel a little dejected. Granted, things are better than they were, but I wouldn't mind a teaching position at one of the top universities in the city, if I'm going to have to teach at all I mean. What kind of bothers me though (and will make me sound a bit like a bitch), is how fucking awkward that guy was, and how little experience he had. Shit, is that all that's required? Maybe I should get back on the job hunt path.

Pretty accurate illustration of what will probably come of my job hunting.

I wish I'd brought my degree with me. It's going to suck to have to ask my sister to go up and dig through the millions of boxes to find it.

On brain farts and hotness

Sometimes, when I'm kinda tired, I'll still absentmindedly look around and think: "Shit, there are a lot of really hot Asian dudes here," totally momentarily blanking the fact that I'm in Japan. Then I remember and feel pleased with myself for making my way to a country where I see mind-numbingly hot people on a daily basis. Go me!

Oh hot Asian dudes. Never leave me.

On neglecting, birthdays and varying degrees of closeness

You guys know the drill - I drop off the face of the earth for a bit, come back, promise to get better, post responsibly for a few weeks, and then I'm gone again. I'm like the abusive, neglecting parent of blogging. I'd say I'm sorry, and that I'll change, but you know as well as I do that it's bullshit. And that's okay. I'm kinda okay with that.

Oh, and happy belated birthday, blog. You're two years old now. Honestly I thought I probably would've abandoned you by now. I guess I'm not that much of a neglecting parent after all.

On comparative dude studies

My favourite way to stop thinking about stupid boys is to start thinking about other stupid boys, and in doing that, I've come to the conclusion that some people here sure know how to flirt. Having gone on a number of dates through Tinder, I've noticed some serious skills in some of these boys. It's a lot more discrete and sensual than any flirting I've been used to before - European dudes seem to have missed the lesson in subtlety and are more likely to just move in for a grope. This guy I was having lunch with today was talking to me about the beach, and commented on the fact that I wasn't very tanned.
"Oh, I'm pretty tanned here compared to the underside of my forearms," I replied, pulling up the sleeve of my polo to expose the rest of my arm.
"Wow, you're so white! Your skin's so beautiful," he exclaimed, slowly and lightly letting his finger stroke along the length of the underside of my forearm. It was such a small thing to do, but so wholly effective. It elevated him from a 'Aw, he's cute' to a 'Damn boy, you fine' in a matter of seconds. Honestly, the fact that he just a little while before had gone "Kickboxing is a hobby of mine that I do about once a week. It's super effective, here, feel my stomach!", prompting me to poke his abs (which indeed were rock-fucking-solid), did help sway my opinion a little bit as well.

Well-dressed, handsome, smart, bespectacled boys seem to be a whole (rather numerous) breed of their own here. Just another one of those things that make me love this country.

On meeting gods

You guys know what's fun? Going out for the day to visit shrines and go grocery shopping and then realizing that your key for the front door no longer works. For real. I freaked out in the doorway, bags littered on the ground by my mailbox, and stood jamming a key that wouldn't enter into the lock, progressively freaking out more and more and imagining more or less crazy scenarios where my landlord switched the lock without telling me for some reason. I snuck in when a neighbour left, and was then deathly afraid of leaving again, lest I never get into my building, ever. 

On yearly highlights and a total lack of fireworks

And what a year it's been.

On sobs, hopes and homecoming

Going home ended up feeling a little rough. I mean, mom was visibly upset (while the others were being far more sombre about it), and hugging everyone just made me successively more bummed out. My niece kept hugging me over and over, and right before I walked out the door, she called my name. "Can you not be gone for such a long time?" she asked, her tiny voice quivering. "Because I'm going to miss you so much. But you know, even if you are gone for long, we'll still be together." And I broke down like a little shit. I'd managed to keep it together up until that point, but it was just impossible to not grab that adorable little munchkin and hug the crap out of her while sobbing.

Goddamn onion cutting ninjas are sneaking around my parents' house, that's for sure.

On potatoes and bad timing

Once again, I've been shit at writing. Sorry, silent readers. It's been a pretty crazy week of me running around, desperately trying to prepare myself for my trip. There have been so many things to sort out - presents, the Tomsons, my rent money being paid... I didn't even have a suitcase. As always, my procrastinating skills are something to be admired.

On courage, knits and kitchy Christmas trees

I put up my Christmas tree today. It's hard to make a small pink tree fit in in an apartment that I'm striving to turn into a minimalist paradise, because I guess cyan pink plastic doesn't usually signify minimalism in any way, shape or form, but I like to think it kinda works. I just can't really figure out in which order I should sort my rice cooker, fruit tray and plant now that they have to compete with my plastic monstrosity (that I secretly love). Despite having absolutely zero Christmas cheer going on (since the weather here is identical to mid-October weather in Sweden and it in no way feels like Christmas yet), I kinda like having a little piece of winter wonderland hanging around.

On different kinds of hunger

People have an interesting views on relationships here in Japan. They're super casual about them in a lot of different ways, and completely confusing about them in others. It's pretty cool when they're super chill about one night stands and casual hookups, but maybe less cool when people who come to my lessons talk about going on dates and being in love with other women, despite being married. Like, it's cool if everyone's in on it, but something tells me that their wives are stuck at home, taking care of the kids, while the men hang out with women after work and have like a whole other world out there. Even the magazines that litter the break room are filled with classifieds where people are looking to cheat on their spouses. Stop it Japan, that shit ain't cute.

On dreamed lifestyles and wins

So yeah, I managed to score that other job.

I can't say I have any idea how this happened, since I felt like I crashed and burned spectacularly, given that I had nothing at all to work from in terms of material, and was thrown into a real life situation with a real client after first having gotten lost and then running all the way to the office. Great first impression there. I also managed to draw a black dot on my boob with the whiteboard pen during the lesson, that I just pulled out of my ass (the lesson, not the pen). The student seemed really serious, asking me how I would plan her lessons, and 'what textbooks I would require her to use', and I'm just sitting there like: "Shit shit shit, I want you to tell me what to do, like my other clients do in the safety of the Gaba LS", eventually just spewing out any and every random idea I had to fill a potential two hours a week, and to my great surprise, Mr. Stone River told me that she was feeling it, and that he was impressed with what he'd seen when he was sticking his head in the door. "I had this image of Gaba people being useless without their textbooks, but you proved that's not the case." Adding to that, he threw on an extra 500 yen per lesson, boosting it to Natto's rate of 2500 yen per hour, as opposed to the usual 2000. Can I just say that I'm feeling pretty psyched? Because I'm feeling pretty psyched. Scared shitless, but psyched.