On the universal language of fashion - Project Runway Korea S1E5

Ever since our Easter break started, this has been me.



Not really, but you know. Yesterday was the third evening in a row I had beer at some point or another. I don't plan these things, they just happen. It's like people can smell when I have a bit of time off and pounce on me with alcoholic beverages. Ah well, it's not like I get piss drunk and sing karaoke, it's just beer with friends, but I did feel pretty ridiculous coming home yesterday, going "Hey G! Just got back from beer." and he goes "Again?". Yes, again. Staying in tonight, we're cooking together and watching something ridiculous.

Today's also Hemingway's birthday, and obviously I'm kinda upset I can't celebrate it with him. This whole distance thing is really tiring and it's putting me in a bit of a shitty mood. I mean, I was told that one of the perks of having a boyfriend would be to actually have one, not just to chat with a cute one an entire continent away. Of course he's got to work, and it's not his fault, but I feel lonely and a bit stranded. Ah well. It'll work out in the end. Until then, I'll distract myself with Easter candy and Project Runway Korea.

On feeling like spring in sepia tones

Sun's up, snow's melting and I have pizza in the fridge waiting to be eaten for breakfast. I'm rested, I'm happy and today's going to be a good day. Also Wagwak released a new song that feels like freedom in tones.



I really don't get how they're not more famous. It's the kind of music that makes you see a film montage of fun times with one of those yellow-ish instagram filters so that everything looks sunny and retro, how aren't more people into that?

On watching Project Runway obsessively, S11E9

Is it just me or has this season been going on for a million years already? And this week there were still seven designers left in the running. Jesus. We'll never be done at this rate. Normally I wouldn't really mind, Project Runway has a tendency of being entertaining even when things turn out horribly, but this week's episode was just drama times a million, bad fashion, bad choices and just left both Y and I feeling totally exasperated. Nothing fun, nothing good, not much creativity - and the whole teams thing is imploding. No-one acts like they're on a team at all. Everyone does their own thing and hopes that their team member will scrape by, but that leads to bad designers staying in the game much much longer than is necessary. They've also started voting off every single contestant I have any kind of interest in, so pretty soon it'll be a final runway showdown between bland and blander. Oh Project Runway, how you've fallen.

Best tonight, not that that s a big whoop.

Bad things, good things and panda things.

Lately things have been slipping pretty bad. My project's moving forward steadily, but it hasn't really felt that way, mostly because of my thesis not progressing at all and my quest for a summer job feeling late and hopeless. Friday it all boiled over into a panic attack, the first really big one since I was 19 or so, and it was scary. Crying my eyes out, hyperventilating, shaking... luckily Pony came home just as it was starting and stuck with me through it, doing breathing exercises with me and making me tell her everything that was on my mind. Two hours later I'd calmed down enough to breathe properly, sip some hot chocolate and go to bed after an episode of X-files. I'd reached boiling point.

What Friday evening felt like, cute version.

On the universal language of fashion - Project Runway Korea S1E4

So once again blog.com was down for a bit and this time I wasn't so much inspired as pissed off. Get your servers together, people, this is embarrassing. Doesn't help that yesterday was a piece of shit day either. Tried to take the bus - but buses don't run when it's been snowing in Sweden, which coincidentally is covered in snow six months a year. "Fuck it," I thought like the cultivated young lady I am and walked to the subway. I reached the subway, reached into my pocket to get my bus card... wait, where the fuck is my bus card? And my keys? Walk all the way back (in a fucking blizzard) and get my things from G. Decide to try the whole bus thing again, manage to get on one this time, reach the subway... and the connecting bus leaves literally ten seconds before the doors to my bus opens, so I miss it. OK, 15 minutes to spare and I'm cranky. Maybe I should go get something to eat? So I go to buy a yoghurt and my card doesn't work. The universe appears to have been telling me to go home and get back into bed, because the day was pretty much craptastic.

 I hid out at my sister K's house instead, completely ignoring things I was supposed to do and instead snacking on burnt cookies and playing around with my niece. I'm trying to fight the general feeling of apathy that comes with having too much to do. I get stressed out, feel like shit and decide to face my problems ostrich style by sticking my head in the sand and pretending they'll go away that way. Naturally it doesn't work and I end up having to do a million things last minute instead. I just have no self-control, I never do a damn thing on time.

My spirit animal.

On life-changing decisions and chocolate

Me, Autumn 2013

On top of all the general stress of finishing up my thesis and my bachelor's project, I'm currently weighed down by the added stress of both trying to find a summer job and trying to find an internship for the fall. Ideally I'd want to work at a smaller firm so I could learn what it was all about, seeing as I one day would like to have a firm of my own, but they generally don't pay very well and I'm honestly a little sick of living hand-out to hand-out, as I've been doing it for years now. Doing something real, getting a bit of experience and some more dough to go with it should do me well. I'm a bit apprehensive about larger firms, as it seems you kinda turn into their personal CAD-monkey and get to do little else, but hey, maybe it's worth it. I don't know.

A whole bunch of larger firms came to our school today to promote themselves as places to apply for internships at. I stopped by for half an hour or so, and was pretty bored to find that every single project on display kinda looked the same, and people generally just said pretty menial stuff. No-one really took a stand for anything. A few firms peaked a bit of interest, but I feel a bit weird about the whole thing. I wish I could pause life right now to stop, breathe and try to get some bearings, but there's just no time. I need to just go for it, and that in and of itself is freaking me out.

There's something scary about putting myself on display by sending people what I've done and hoping they'll like it. Since every project is a measure of investment of time and effort, rejection would feel far more personal. I'm also a bit nervous that the 'realness' of what I do would feel crippling. Ugh, I feel anxious.

Anyone for some architectural gloom?

On movies you probably don't know but definitely should see - 3-iron/Bin-jip

Blog.com was down for 24 hours or so, much to my great dismay. Suddenly all I could think about was stuff to write. A thousand new ideas popped into my head. Why oh why wasn't I allowed to blog about it? Seriously, this site is down more often than not but normally it sorts itself out relatively quickly. Ah well, as long as this doesn't happen again for a foreseeable future I'll be happy. Probably will though, and I'll probably just whine and moan about it then too without doing anything about it. Anywho, what do you do when you've suddenly got all this spare time that you don't know what to do with? School work? Pssh, I think not. Movies!

I was thinking about being a bit of a hipster and starting a review series called "Movies you probably don't know but definitely should see", and 3-iron (Bin-jip in Korean) tops that list by far. It's moved all the way to the top of the list of my favourite movies. It's one of the most beautiful films I have ever seen both story-wise and in photography. Every screenshot turns into a piece of art.



Without spoiling too much, it's a story about a guy who breaks into other people's homes while they're away and lives there for a night or two. In return he washes their clothes and fixes their broken appliances. One day he breaks into a house he believes to be empty, only to find a woman, who's the victim of domestic abuse from a husband that makes me cringe so much I was actually probably the most impressed with that actor. They go through the movie never speaking to each other, but always communicating through body language and looks, which makes their relationship all the more powerful to see. The cast is stunning, the visuals are amazing and the soundtrack really helps set the mood. It's an all-around beautiful movie, and you should see it. Seriously, why are you still here? Go find it.